Nice site ........ lots of information.
http://www.digiserve.com/mystic/index.html
If you have a site or poem or whatever feel free to contribute....
To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems!
I one met a woman who drove me to drink. I should have thanked her. . .
"You, sir, are drunk!"
"You, madam, are ugly! And in the morning, I'll be sober."
"No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week,
gotta get drunk man till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man listen to me,
one drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer"
Coming up .... how'd you like that? In a bucket
The mud elephant
Wading through the sea
Leaves no track
Ed Sanders, I think - or Tuli Kupferberg.
Edgar, thx for jump starting my brain cell this AM
Lessons
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. One reason why the human race will never achieve, its full potential is
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between a "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious and political views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Never lick a steak knife.
7. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
8. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
9. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.
10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
12. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice
person.
13. Your friends love you anyway.
14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of Professionals built the Titanic
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Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank
you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or
stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for
the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in
her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are
you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the
mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus
two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I
taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where
Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling,
the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and
play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his
hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair
on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
Dear Mr.Gelisgesti ,
You're doing an excellant job.I've enjoying your write-ups a lot.Go ahead.You've got one more fan
IN Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea. 5
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills
Where blossom'd many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills, 10
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But O, that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted 15
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced;
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst 20
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion 25
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reach'd the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war! 30
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device, 35
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she play'd, 40
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me,
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long, 45
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair! 50
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The Box
by John Denver
from Poems, Prayers, and Promises
Once upon a time, in the land of Hushabye,
Round about the wondrous days of yore.
They came across a sort of box,
bound up with chains and locked with locks,
And labeled "Kindly Do Not Touch, It's War."
A decree was issued round about all with a flourish and a shout,
and a gaily colored mascot tripping lightly on the fore,
"Don't fiddle with this box, or break the chains, or pick the locks,
And Please... don't ever play about with war."
Well, the children understood, children happen to be good,
and they were just as good around the time of yore.
They didn't try to pick the locks, or break into that deadly box,
they never tried to play about with war.
Mommies didn't either, Sisters, Aunts, Grannies neither,
'cause they were quiet and sweet and pretty
in those wondrous days of yore.
Well... very much the same as now, and not the ones to blame somehow,
for opening up that deadly box of war.
But someone did... someone battered in the lid,
and spilled the insides out across the floor.
A sort of bouncy bumpy ball,
with flags and all the tears and horror that goes with war.
It bounced right out and went bashing all about,
and bumping into everything in store.
And what was sad and most unfair is that it didn't really seem to care,
much who it bumped, or why, or what, or for.
It bumped the children mainly, and I'll tell you this quite plainly,
It bumps them everyday... and more... and more,
and leaves them dead and burned and dying,
thousands of them sick and crying,
cause when it bumps... it's really very sore.
Now there's a way to stop the ball,
it isn't difficult at all,
all it takes is wisdom.
I'm absolutely sure that we could get it back into the box...
and bind the chains and lock the locks.
But no one seems to want to save the children anymore.
Well, thats the way it all appears,
cause it's been bouncing round for years and years
in spite of all the wisdom wizzed since those wondrous days of yore.
And the time they came upon The Box,
bound up with chains and locked with locks...
and labeled "Kindly Do Not Touch, It's War."
Great! I was hoping you would keep adding to this thread. I love that John Denver poem.
edgarblythe wrote:Great! I was hoping you would keep adding to this thread. I love that John Denver poem.
Hi Edgar, I get too caught up in politics. I watched Denver and George Burns last night in the movie about God ... when I remembered the accident that took Denver's life, all of a sudden I was 200 years old.
Christ what I would give to go back to a life of poems prayers and promises.
Subject: 25 ways to tell if you're white trash
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in
front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch
this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,
"Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off
its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how
much
gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip"
on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings
you home.
25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty
32 Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two
Weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up
and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find
a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can
be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents
daily! (That explains a few mysteries....)
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he
doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World
War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves
Per side in a game of chess is 18,979,564,000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with
orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There
was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in
World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist
who discovered this??)
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w
film
down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born
In the USA."
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English
law
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider
than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record
playerfor automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the
market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you
cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat
a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin
look-alike contest.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."
28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a
Woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the
book most often stolen from public libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into
space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!
What song would you pick in church?
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are
going to help me preach".
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to
your mind.
The pastor shouted out, "Cross."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged
Cross".
The pastor hollered out "Grace". The congregation began to sing "Amazing
Grace, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "Power". The congregation sang "There is Power in the
Blood
.The Pastor said "Sex." The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each
other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden from way in the back of the church a little 87 year
old grandmother stood up! and began to sing..... "Precious Memories."
People over 35 should be dead.
Here's why ............
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, ... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)
As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
Horrors!
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
NO CELL PHONES!!!!!
Unthinkable!
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
We had friends!
We went outside and found them.
We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
They were accidents.
No one was to blame but us.
Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.
Horrors!
Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own.
Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law.
Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them!
Congratulations!
Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good !!!!!
People under 30 are WIMPS !
Man alone; born of stone;
Will stamp the dust of time
His hands strike the flame of his soul;
Ties a rope to a tree and hangs the universe
Until the winds of laughter blows cold.
Fear that rattles in men's ears
And rears it's hideous head
Dread .... death .... in the wind ....
Man of steel pray and kneel
With fever's blazing torch
Thrust in the face of the night;
Draws a blade if compassion
Kissed by countless kings
Whose jewelled trumpet words blind his sight.
Walls that no man thought would fall
The altars of the just
Crushed .... dust .... in the wind ....
No man yields who flies in my ship
Danger!
Let the bridge computer speak
Stranger!
Load your program. I am yourself.
No computer stands in my way
Only blood can cancel my pain
Guardians of a new clear dawn
Let the maps of war be drawn.
Rejoice! glory is ours!
Our young men have not died in vain,
Their graves need no flowers
The tapes have recorded their names.
I am all there is
Negative! primitive! limited! I let you live!
But I gave you life
What else could you do?
To do what was right
I'm perfect! are you?
John Singer Sargent's painting Gassed hangs in the Imperial War Museum in London; the canvas is over seven feet high and twenty feet long. This impressive painting depicts soldiers blinded by gas being led in lines back to the hospital tents and the dressing stations; the men lie on the ground all about the tents waiting for treatment.
"With mustard gas the effects did not become apparent for up to twelve hours. But then it began to rot the body, within and without. The skin blistered, the eyes became extremely painful and nausea and vomiting began. Worse, the gas attacked the bronchial tubes, stripping off the mucous membrane. The pain was almost beyond endurance and most cases had to be strapped to their beds. Death took up to four or five weeks. A nurse wrote:
I wish those people who write so glibly about this being a holy war and the orators who talk so much about going on no matter how long the war lasts and what it may mean, could see a case--to say nothing of ten cases--of mustard gas in its early stages--could see the poor things burnt and blistered all over with great mustard-coloured suppurating blisters, with blind eyes . . . all sticky and stuck together, and always fighting for breath, with voices a mere whisper, saying that their throats are closing and they know they will choke."
This passage is from John Ellis, Eye-Deep in Hell: Trench Warfare in World War I, (1976), pp. 66-7.
