Freepressed (satire site) com's view of Bush's visit to Oz:
Posting to Headlines Wire of Scoop
Column: freepressed.com
Date: Wednesday, 29 October 2003
Time: 10:30 am NZT
freepressed.com: Special Report - Bush Down Under
Special Report: Bush Down Under
Satire from. freepressed.com
CAPTION: Australian Green Party members opposed to Bush's unilateral
invasion of Iraq (far left) are kept from addressing the President
(wearing blue blazer on far right), who is oblivious to the controversy
as he shakes hands with Australian conservative tools similar
to those he is surrounded by at home.
Canberra, Australia--An unprecedented and massive security operation
was mounted to protect President George Bush from evil doers
when he visited Australia last week.
Bush arrived with an entourage of 600 personnel [comprising of
armed agents, secret service staff and security advisers], a
fleet of armoured limousines, a squadron of 15 aircraft, including
his personal jet Air Force One, Air Force Two [for back-up],
F/A 18 Hornet fighter jets, and lots and lots of guns.
Airspace restrictions were enforced over the Australian capital
Canberra, a Department of Defence radar screening system was
activated and specialist counter-terrorist bodies, such as Defence's
Tactical Assault Group, were on standby. Even the City Council
restricted the flying of kites, the walking of dogs in public
parks, public shows of affection, idle chit-chat, chewing of
gum, and will also ban early morning jogs, which it stated to
be very suspicious behaviour at the best of times.
By contrast, President Hu Jintao, leader of the most populous
nation in the world arriving shortly after Bush, will be accompanied
by his mum and arrives on a QANTAS flight from Beijing with a
night-stop-over in Hong Kong.
'Of course I'm pissed off,' said Hu Jintao through a translator.
"The Americans have instructed the Australians to cordon off
the whole place. Now I'm worried I won't be allowed in."
Opposition party members are annoyed they can't speak up in Parliament
where Bush is giving a special address, and even avid supporters
of Bush can't greet him personally.
It seems that members of the press are the only people who are
really excited by Bush's visit, albeit for all the wrong reasons.
A headline writer for one of the tabloids, who wishes to remain
anonymous, was beside himself with anticipation.
'Mate, we haven't had this kind of opportunity for sexual innuendo,
salacious allusions and child-like crudity since the last visit
by Bush senior in '92. It's not often you get to mention a ladies
nether regions in large type, and so often! This is going to
sell a lot of papers," he revealed. "I only wish Dick was here
to join Bush. You know, Dick Cheney. Dick and Bush. They go together.
Get it?"
When asked what he thought of Australia as a country after seeing
it for only twenty hours Bush had an interesting response.
'Um, well. To be honest, I have to say, I didn't actually see
much of Australia. I have heard it's a bit like Texas. But without
the oil. And of course they speak a bit different here, and the
landscape is different and the native wildlife is different and
the shape of the hat on the head is different. But apart from
that it's just like Texas, so they tell me.'
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