The Huggy Generation

You are as stuffed full of **** as a newly butchered goose . . .

oof, stuff of my nightmares. thank god i'm too old, i would be miserable in one of those schools. i'm not a hugger, though i know quite a few people who genuinely are... so nothing against it. i would hate to be faced with a "peer pressure to hug" - heh.

Are you Senfield?

Well simple why you hug, it is medically healthy for you...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4131508.stm

And besides my daughter gives the best hugs and don't you just feel good when some one gives a really big heart felt hug?

Jewish, but not Seinfeld.

Oooh, sounds like someone could use a hug!

I want to hug you for that!

I consider it a way to say "Hey I care about you and your health!" Perhaps instead of going to war we should hug our opponents!

Run on over there to Kandahar and hug one of those Taliban fighters, and then let us know how it works out . . .

Alrighty, but I don't have the money for airfare. Do you think the government will give me a grant in the name of peace to go hug em?

Let's hope so . . .

I selectively hug.

I have joyfully hugged people I've never seen before, but had an ongoing relationship with over the phone, or email. Those people have all been female.

I certainly don't want a hug, or to give one to someone I just met.

I don't want to hug a man unless we have a close relationship, not necessarily romantic, but a deep understanding of each other. Even then it would be a twice in a lifetime thing.

Please, you indiscriminate huggers out there, don't feel like you are giving some sort of gift out to those who prefer to keep their bodies to themselves. You're not. You're invading.

Pay attention to body language, don't think that just because once someone stiffened in your arms, or looked uncomfortable, that was just because it was the first time you attempted to hug them....it means they don't want you to do that again.

yep, i feel quite the same way. i love hugs, but from specific people that are very close to me or that for some other reason are huggable - sometimes it's just chemistry. but the thought of indiscriminate hugging makes me want to run up a tree and wait it out.

Well this gives me a thought then - I'll hug now to irrate those that don't like hugging.

you could do that, yes...but...why?

I'm in the middle on this. I'm from a not very hugging family/culture, but a pretty loving one with occasional hugs. I don't remember my antique childhood all that much, but see pictures of me being cheerfully held, so I don't think hugs are basically offputting to me. Maybe just egregious ones (I have to look that word up again.)

I remember being irritable in the seventies when the whole touchy feely thing started. Touching a person's forearm to make a point. All very Esalen or, whatever.. it rang with falsity back then.

My pals and I have been through a lot of stuff over the years, and always hug swiftly now when we see each other after some time has passed - but not every day, every meeting - that seems odd to me, sort of constructed. Also we hug if shitteroo is busy hitting fans, any of us are stressed - if it seems welcome.

The whole thing of children and adults hugging on every single leave taking - I figure will pass with usage. On the other hand, I can see the european air kiss kiss thing, though I've never been smooth at it. I guess I see the air kissing and huggies as two separate modes, the first less invasive.

Something happened not that many years ago - Roger and I went to Costco in Albuquerque to look for a couple of pan sets for him to buy, one for himself and one as a wedding present, me being at that time a member of the store. (This worked out, I got a nice pan out of the set he bought for himself.)

We ran into a friend of mine from northern california, and her fellow, in the parking lot as we all left the store. I have liked both of them as friends. She and I have had at least a couple of heart to heart talks re our lives. I think she's interesting/smart. I think he's interesting/smart. She bought one of my paintings, not inexpensive. Anyway, they have places both here and back in CA. I'd been to dinner at their house.

So, in the parking lot, I couldn't believe my eyes to see them, and advanced to greet and hug. She backed away, noticeably but not any kind of big hop. Well, she did have an arm holding a flower bouquet. But what the hell, I'm not a tractor that'll crush flowers.

This is an odd mirror, because at that last dinner at their house, I felt myself accosted at the dinner table by the woman friend of hers seated next to me, who grabbed my forearm at least five times during the meal to emphasize her point of view. Early on I told her not to do that. Between the main dish and dessert, I moved, traded with Mister upon my mentioning it to him in the kitchen.

Meantime, my business partner and her husband were acting up (wine), and it became a good idea that we all leave, which we did with much nicety.

All too bad, I liked those people.

er, that's Albuquerque.

On hugging people right away, I sometimes do that at the end of a first meeting (I don't think ever a work meeting, lo, these many years), after some sitting around chatting. When I first moved to New Mexico, Diane had/has some friends in Corrales and I've gotten to know them and like them. Well, liked them right away, thus hugged on leaving them the first time, because it seemed right.

Absolutely.

Body language, facial expressions, eye contact... all of that... you know if someone is open to being hugged - you know, you wouldn't walk up to someone/anyone and hug them if they were looking away or their arms are held rigid by their sides - you can usually tell by the look on someones face...

well, I think so..... maybe not - I suppose it's about reading the whole body language. I certainly wouldn't hug someone in real life if I knew it would make them uncomfortable. But that's like anything..... I remember on a thread once we were talking about eye contact - how when you look at someone (lip reading) that people can feel uncomfortable - also, peoples expressions - it's reading the "all" of it, if you can - it's not simply just putting your arms around someone because you have to - ugh. I think you can tell if someone is happy to be hugged as you approach them.

Like I said, some folk, as we've seen here, would be mighty uncomfortable being hugged - hopefully tho, if you read someones body language - you can tell. I dunno.


There's also times when you hug someone even tho they are not openly inviting you to do that....... the other day my friend's dawg was put down - he was trying so hard not to cry and let the emotions out - as soon as he was hugged - it all came pouring out - he was better for that. It wasn't about "taking" something from him .... it was just, being hugged allowed him to let the emotion out. I guess that works either way. When I get upset, close down, shut it off, box it - it's best no-one gets near me - it's a very physical close down - I don't allow it - I ensure the doors are locked so no-one can get in the house, turn off the phone etc - but when I'm ready to open up again - then a hug is the best thing in the world. Such a small caring gesture can make such a huge difference in someones life. Or not, as the case may be.


<sh!te at explaining things>

there's lotsa huggage in baseball...

Regardless how we perceive it as adults, it's nice to see that the younger generation is into hugging their classmates.

On my northern california friends, I forgot, I'd had them to dinner at my house there too. Not sure that any of us hugged before - probably more like arms on shoulders. I think what scared off my friend with the flowers is that I moved too fast and she'd just purchased them, I presume re a dinner at her house. Or maybe that wasn't it.