There's a lot available from "The Majors" in the sub-$1K pricerange now ... if you don't need ultra-sophisticated capabilities, there's no point paying for them. A few excellent multi-media laptops, and gaming-optimized laptops, are out there, but at several times the price point of a machine suitable for typical casual home-user stuff like surfing, occasional uploading/downloading, and CD playing.
Most folks really have no need for ultra-fast processors, gigs of memory, huge hard-drives, multi-format-capable oprtical record/playback drives, multiple batteries, FireWire, or super-sophisticated video and audio cards, ultra-sharp, large-size high resolution screens, or built-in WiFi and BlueTooth. "Course, all that's fun to have ... ya just gotta pay for it. There probably really is no utillitarian justification for a $4K-$5K laptop, but such a critter does generate lots of envy from less-well outfitted freinds
Anyhow, what you probably NEED, JD, is a pretty simple 'Puter ... don't pay for stuff you'll never use. Almost any current-production laptop, even the cheapest of them, outperforms large desktops of just a few years ago. Look for a unit that has a processor of around 1Ghz or slightly better, get at least 256MB of memory, a moderate 20-30 Gig hard drive, a CD-RW drive, at least a 14" XGA display, at least one PC Card slot, a couple USB ports (USB 2.0 is nice but not critical), a modem and maybe a NIC, a comfortable, intuitive keyboard layout, and don't worry much about the video and audio capabilities if you're not heavilly into gaming or multi-media. You don't even really need a floppy drive anymore, and lots of lnewer machines don't include one. If future expansion is a consideration, look at machines that accommodate a port-replicating docking station..