You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change

Never would I change unless their was something really wrong with what I had on. For instance one day last summer I was sitting on a bench outside my studio when a attractive woman in a bright skirt passed by. It was not until she was right in front of me did I notice that she had on two distinctly different pair of shoes. Her partner who was with might have noticed and she probably would not have minded at all.

Hmm...if we were going out for a nice evening together, (especially a romantic one) I likely would change if he said he didn't like what I was wearing. Not into something that I hated...

Seems to me if you are trying to enjoy each other, it makes sense to look nice to each other.

I really appreciate it if partners make an effort to pleae ME if we are going somewhere special.

Pictures this happening with Deb. Can't.
Tries again, can't.
What is this sudden bunny foo foo? The lambent rabbit..

Unless you were doing a scenario, which, none of my business.

Oh, wait, you're fine with the guy changing..

I don't get a problem.

I'd object if it happened all the time, or was said rudely, or if someone was controlling and such...but if you aim to enjoy each other, why not look attractive to each other?

Your love keeps not liking what you wear. You change. This multiplies.

Clothes are a function - or can be a function - of who we are, when, however lame or adventurous. Not for anyone else to dictate.

I get that parcelling out change can be sexy, but it's also a slope.

In that case, I have been on the slope from the other side.

Hmmm...I guess I am imagining the common scenario, for me, of mutual discussion: "I am thinking of wearing this or this...which one do you like more?"...rather than an: "I don't like that" coming from nowhere.

I have certainly influenced a fella's choices...usually via the softer "I really loved the shirt you wore the other night, you know....looked great on you"...or "I love how you look in your xxxx pants (when he's wearing really unattractive shorts).

So, we may be envisaging very different scenarios.

I agree, it's not for one person to dictate to another, but, as I said, I wish to look attractive to me fella when we are going out together, and I really like it when he makes an effort to look attractive for me.

True. Probably fodder for a play,

Of course, you may never have been exposed to the truly awe-inspiring passion-killing effects of the Australian male in stubbies.




I once had a fella who, oddly enough was trying hard to impress me...caught in some approach/retreat pattern common to him, I think (he later tried to woo a particularly fastidious and desirable friend of mine by giving her PLASTIC flowers...he thought they'd be memorable, I think...and they were) who made a point of wearing stubbies whenever he thought I might be there, as he knew I hated them with a passion.

I nearly stopped going out!

My husband went from the guy with the windbreaker to the guy with the Jaguar.
I had something to do with that, but not all. To the extent I did, it wasn't from manipulation, or at least purposeful manipulation.

I'm not sure where I developed my anti manipulation thing, but it's strong, and is part of arguments/discussions with girlfriends.

Oh, christ, stubbies?

Good grief.

Leopard-skin tights and 'muffin-top'. And/or some 'whale tail'.




I'll have a triple, thanks....

Well...
when we married, my hub wore a John Travolta type white suit, serious expense and he liked it, and I wore an off the sale rack at Sak's, black tuxedo skirt suit.
We looked pretty good, 'if I do say so, I shouldn't.' Those were polaroids.

What the hell is my point? To let room for play on both sides. But I was raised with stricture, so go back and forth on composure and play.

not if I were comfortable. If I were uncomfortable in any little way - I might think about it- I'd ask my daughter though before I'd ask any guy - she knows what she's talking about and she'd be sure to tell the truth.

I have said on occasion to other people- 'I'm not going anywhere with you if you're wearing that,' but that's only when something was so obviously unsuitable for the occasion or ripped or dirty or something.

Once I had a jean skirt that I loved and wore all the time until my sister said, ' Why do you always wear that skirt - it's so unflattering- makes your ass look so much bigger than it is - wide as a house...'
I appreciated the information, removed the skirt and never wore the skirt again- in fact I gave it to goodwill on the off-chance I'd forget and revert back to wearing it thinking it looked nice.

Objects? would I change what I was wearing?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

No.

~~~

I don't mind a bit of discussion before an event, though I don't think Set's ever really commented on my wardrobe plans, I'd have to go back an ex or two.

I have told Set about particular things he's worn that I really like, and I will make suggestions if we're going to be with the hamburgers as mrs. hamburger has fairly strong opinions on what is appropriate/inappropriate and it's no fun to upset her. None.

We're pretty independent in deciding what we'll wear. My hair is totally off the agenda.

If I already had something on, and we were on our way out, I'd want a reason. (Like the venue thing Eva mentioned.) If the reason was good, I'd change. If I didn't think the reason was good, I wouldn't change.

I'd take it into account next time though, probably ask more questions. If the un-good reason was irritating enough and non-negotiable, it might be a problem.

Generally if E.G. offers feedback it's valuable, whether thumbs up or thumbs down. We don't all have 360 degree mirrors a la What Not to Wear....

Sozlet's been offering more feedback too, girl's got an eye. I'm fine with feedback as a concept, dictation or ultimatums would be different.

we have been married a long time and do care about clothes and looking like a couple so we do talk before hand about what to wear, generally. If either one of us says after dressing "I don't like that" we change. There are enough other things to fight about in a marriage or to be tempted to stew about, we are not doing it about clothes.

That's sort of where ElStud and I are too. We each report to the other what we intend to wear to whatever, and if the reports generate no alternate suggestion, that's what we go with. He is color blind on several colors, however, so he can put together some strange combinations and he is always agreeable when suggestions are offered to change that. And there are a few things I really enjoy wearing that he just doesn't like, and I respect that. I think it would make for a pretty frosty evening if suggestions were offered untactfully or unkindly though.

With ElStud I usually have the opposite problem from getting him to change though. More usually it is convincing him that he already looks good enough to go out to do whatever. He worries that his new, quite nice looking velour jogging suit is inappropriate to wear to the corner market for instance. I finally convinced him it was just fine, but I think he was still uncomfortable wearing it in public like that.

It depends. If the occasion was a "plush" event & I was wearing the closest thing t0 plush & respectable I currently had in my possession (not a huge feature of my wardrobe! ), then .... bugger it, I'd go on strike & refuse to go after a request for a change. And I'd probably figure we were most likely a mis-match as a couple. Really.