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Tue 23 Sep, 2003 01:56 pm
Jo'burgs got me
it's got me going cold turkey
locked up behind the razor wire walls
and CCTV entrances
dobermans guard the front door.
Jo'burgs skyline pierces
the pearl grey smog of early morning
the Ponti and Sandton City tower,
sentinels of the battlefield below
hold the cloud studded canopy up.
Jo'burg's a cornered beast
fighting tooth and claw
a volatile melting pot of
race, religion and financial status.
Jo'burg's got me
it's got me going cold turkey
it's tree lined avenues, it's ability
to surprise and show compassion
then be ruthless in the same minute.
Jo'burgs got me
it's got me going cold turkey
it's smiles, it's gunshots, it's street children
it's slick shiny shopping malls, it's tin shacks
The Westcliff Hotel
Joburg's got me.
I'm not much of a poetry person so please bear with me here.
One thing I noticed was the repetition of Jo'burgs got me
it's got me going cold turkey , but it didn't begin every stanza. Maybe that would have been a different way to write this poem, to let the repetition keep building. E. g. the 3rd stanza could be something like
Jo'burgs got me
it's got me going cold turkey
It's a corned beast
fighting tooth and claw
a volatile melting pot of
race, religion and financial status.
Do you mean cornered beast by chance?
Thanks for sharing your poem! :-D
Yes i did mean cornered thanks...
and thanks for the crit eyah i could of done it that way but i almost wanted a into a body and a conclusion if you know what i mean
So you were kind of building up to more or less the middle of the piece (I think the cornered beast couplet) and then easing off? Kind of a crescendo, plateau and then decrescendo?
Well that was my intention
Mmm....corned beast on rye....lots of mustard, a pickle maybe....and cold turkey....mmmmm....also makes a nice sandwich.
Somehow, I think leaving it as 'corned beast' is way funnier, but I don't want to stomp on the intent. I think the message is clear, and the rythmic structure does remind me of some of the best Beat generation poetry, with a little Gil Scott-Heron tossed in. Nice, in all sincerity. :cool:
Tagged...welcome, I don't think I've met you before.
30 years ago (time flies) I did a lot of hitchhiking. Europe, a bit of Asia and a lot of Africa. Cairo to Capetown, one of the most beautiful cities if, in that time of apartheid, you were white.
Bear with me. I do tend to ramble a bit.
I lived for awhile in London, Paris, Athens, New York etc. Those cities had a certain aura.
I spent a couple months in Jo'burg. I never found the heart or soul of that city in 1973. Perhaps it still has neither now.
You posted a fine piece of writing. Thanks.
--realjohnboy--
oh jo'burgs got soul thats why "it's got me", it's just a city of extremes
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