sixteen year old wants to choose where she lives

Why would you want to fight this? If she doesn't want to follow the rules, why do you want her back?

You'll probably have a better relationship now that she's gone.

I say let her and her dad go through what the two of you went through and they'll both want her to come back to you before too much longer. Trust me.

If I was 16 and had the choice of full freedom to do what I want or a life of curfews etc, I know what I'd want.

You want her to come live with you?? snicker...

Is there currently a child custody and child support judgment in place? What state?

As a non-lawyer I would say that unless he is totally unfit a court would more then likely will in the end allow her to live with the parent of her choice.

Assuming you now had legal custody you can of course give him all kind of headaches and demand that the cops return her for the moment however she can always run away and that would be very bad indeed and in the end if he willing to take you to court and is not totally unfit he will win with her support.

Note once more I am not a lawyer I just play one on the net, however I would bet that a real lawyer will tell you the same thing.

You should let her daughter to have her freedom right. At the age of 16 is enough for her to decide what to do or not. So, you should respect her decisions and always encourage her how to protect herself. It's a best way that creats the closet relationship between you and your daughter. I believe one day she will come back for your action. Trust me.

My understanding is that by age 14, a minor is considered old enough to choose with which parent she wants to live. I would think that the only way that you could fight that is if you went to court and had her father declared an unfit parent. Would you really want to do that, and is he really unfit?

This doesn't seem like a fight worth fighting, even if you can win.

Sixteen is pretty close to adulthood (at least legally). In less than 2 years the whole argument will be completely pointless.

I think I would just let it be.

I think Mame has the right idea. I have a friend whose child chose to go live with her Mom because her Mom was busy and not able to keep her thumb on her like she needed to. She got there and after 3 months of having pretty much no rules, was miserable. She missed being cared for like she was at her Dad's and Stepmom's. So she is back with them. Sometimes we just have to step back and let our children make their own choices...no matter how hard it is.