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life changes

 
 
annis
 
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2008 03:57 pm
I know some of you know me and of my difficulties . Well have changed my user name due to the fact I have been unable to log on, but now registered and had so many difficulties so am now under my new name Annis. Well so many feelings and so many changes to go through. Are they good or bad who knows just felt a need to write thoughts and feelings.

I have been going through so many! Nearly gave up everything a few days ago and I mean everything, life, me and all. Selfish I know but things just didn't seem too great, pressure, boy, what a lot of pressure! Lack of sleep, nightmares and all, so have decided wine and sleeping tablets work better than nothing! Thanks for all your support. I will keep on contacting A2K as a I need some support.

I have a bad back at the moment and have been taking Ibuprofen and heat rub to help. Finished the childrens den (husbands old office) am now broke as spent too much on refurbishing it.

You know I started to write how life changes you but just ended up saying other things..............stupid me! So yes life is good, bad, really bad, and really, really bad. But we all just carry on trudging along making a path in the best way we can, as for the majority of us the fight for survival keeps us going. Do we accept what is given or should we or are we able to make dramatic changes. I think that sometimes we can not make the changes we need as our own subconscious rules us and it in turn changes or forces us to do or feels things that we want to forget, bury.

Ok may be I am talking deep at the moment, so deep and thinking too deeply.
Will continue to write, take care
Me (aka Black Tulip) X
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Type: Discussion • Score: 6 • Views: 2,900 • Replies: 50

 
urs53
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2008 04:06 pm
@annis,
((((((((((annis/tulip))))))))))
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2008 06:20 pm
@annis,
I am sorry that your going through such a rough time, annis. Yes, life changes,
and there are life changes, neither one we can stop. Yet I am a firm believer that we don't have to accept what is given, we are all able to make changes in our lives, some are simple, some are dramatic, others are life changing - it is still us
who sit in the driver seat, and don't let anyone else take over.
The road might be bumpy, you might drive in foggy conditions, but there is
always a destination, and that's what keeps us going.

Hold your dominion (as Noddy would say)!
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2008 06:42 pm
@annis,
Talk tomorrow Tulip - here now. xox
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 Aug, 2008 06:50 pm
@annis,
Hugs, Tulip.

Welcome back...

RH
alex240101
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2008 07:56 am
@annis,
Hello annis. Never saw a black tulip anyway.
It's been a while since I said hello.
If I may be candid. You can't be selfish. I do understand your life has been tough. ..but, you've been blessed. Your blessings just got a renovated den. You have to hold your head high, for your children....family,..friends.
You know, after reading your post again, besides the nonsense of giving everything up, I do believe your head is screwed on tightly.( If that isn't the strangest sounding compliment.) I think you know the keys to living a healthy life. Acting them out is tough. Join the crowd.
How did your garden turn out anyway? I had a great year. Rain, sunshine almost every day in June. Making salsa today. Have you ever canned? I tried last year with little success.
Have a good day annis.
annis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 05:37 am
@alex240101,
Hi Alex
Thanks I know all the right things and wrong things but you know just keep going as we all do.

Garden was really overgrown when I came back from holiday and lost my lettuce to slugs! but have runner beans, spinach and my brussels sprouts are just holding in there! Tomatoes were great had loads of them.

We have had so much rain here in the west country and hardly any sun! So we are planning next years holiday just the three of us. We are aiming for Australia but can not decide where. We are definitely going to Uluru. I thought Darwin or Cairns but don't know where is best.

Well best get some things done, my back is giving me some problems as I think I strained it moving my large dresser so am taking Ibuprofen to help

Have a good day Alex X
0 Replies
 
annis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 05:37 am
@Rockhead,
Hi RH

good to be here
A
0 Replies
 
annis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 05:40 am
@CalamityJane,
Hi CJ

Don't worry I am holding in there and holding my dominion. Just getting my head straight. Changes are inevitable in life but they are just bloody tough and we either sink or swim. Have very nearly sunk several times but am treading water slowly and going with the waves.

X
0 Replies
 
alex240101
 
  4  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 07:29 am
Speaking of brussels. I will have to suffer through this years crop. Besides butter and salt, does anybody have any other ways to prepare these awful vegetables?
mismi
 
  2  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 07:34 am
@alex240101,
Glad you are here Annis - thinking of you and proud of you - you have such strength...one foot in front of the other...just like walking in the woods at night with a flashlight...take one step see a bit further...take the next a bit further, before you know it - you are where you wanted to be.

HUGS to you - thoughts are with you!
Missy
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2008 07:45 am
@annis,
hello annis,

I'm glad you found your way back here. There are lots of folks here who will listen and be with you as you figure out how to get the floor back under your feet. It's incredibly hard to have life as you know it yanked out from underneath you and find yourself in an upside down world. BUT, incredibly hard as it is, you'll find yourself amazed at what you can accomplish even when the floor has become the ceiling.

One day at a time you figure out how to get through each day. One day at a time you figure out what it takes to parent your children. One day at a time you figure out what needs to be done And You Do It -- just for that day. Eventually, you'll start to recognize the floor as the floor. You're not there yet and that's ok. You're doing alright for someone who's walking upside down. It's hard work though. Much harder than walking upright. The floor is there waiting for you to find it.

HUGS!!!!! I'm glad you're here.
annis
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Aug, 2008 03:23 pm
@alex240101,
Alex, I love brussels but I know what the results are afterwards!!! I love them with gravy. X
0 Replies
 
annis
 
  2  
Reply Wed 27 Aug, 2008 03:26 pm
@mismi,
Mismi, thanks yep a day at a time argh!!! Hope you and yours are keeping well. I seem most times devoid of feelings and then sometimes too much overwhelms me, but holding on.

We watched Finding Neverland the other night, boy was that a mistake! A lovely film but we all ended up crying buckets and my son back in my bed!

Well another day looms and we all must plough on.

X
annis
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Aug, 2008 03:34 pm
@JPB,
JPB, Am trying to get the hang of this new site but it is winning I think! Can not locate everything I used to access!

yep as you say a day at a time but I mostly feel nothing and one minute small and struggling and then a slight high then nothing. That floor keeps slipping away bit by bit, I had a real bad night last week where I nearly ended it all! Terrible to admit it but there it is. Why I don't know just felt I couldn't or didn't want to carry on. I contacted the Samaritans, not much help, I felt, but managed somehow to claw my way out. I have never told anyone that so why do I tell you ! Don't know just needed to get that bit out of the way but I can still feel that terrible dark bit very close by.

Don't worry I won't do anything stupid the tough bit is to keep on going and being a Leo I suppose I am a fighter and will keep going. Thanks for listening
X
0 Replies
 
OGIONIK
 
  2  
Reply Wed 27 Aug, 2008 03:34 pm
@annis,
wine and sleeping tablets work better than nothing!

welcome to my world.
annis
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Aug, 2008 03:35 pm
@OGIONIK,
Yep I am there with on that one!
annis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 5 Sep, 2008 03:26 pm
@annis,
What is Life?

And what is Life? An hour-glass on the run,
A mist retreating from the morning sun,
A busy, bustling, still-repeated dream.
Its length? A minute's pause, a moment's thought.
And Happiness? A bubble on the stream,
That in the act of seizing shrinks to nought.

And what is Hope? The puffing gale of morn,
That of its charms divests the dewy lawn,
And robs each flow'ret of its gem -and dies;
A cobweb, hiding disappointment's thorn,
Which stings more keenly through the thin disguise.

And what is Death? Is still the cause unfound?
That dark mysterious name of horrid sound?
A long and lingering sleep the weary crave.
And Peace? Where can its happiness abound?
Nowhere at all, save heaven and the grave.

Then what is Life? When stripped of its disguise,
A thing to be desired it cannot be;
Since everything that meets our foolish eyes
Gives proof sufficient of its vanity.
'Tis but a trial all must undergo,
To teach unthankful mortals how to prize
That happiness vain man's denied to know,
Until he's called to claim it in the skies.

John Clare

Michael you promised

just needed to think and post that is all and nothing more

annis
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 Sep, 2008 03:05 pm
@annis,
just putting in some thoughts no more not less!

life where does it lead where does it go? I have so many unanswered questions, so many unanswered thoughts! No one can answer them! Until I go on to the great outside! Mmmmmm really tempting but I suppose I have more to proof somewhere. My time will come . I await for the Summerlands and I have no fear of passing but keep going for my two dear one's and that is all.

Pay no attention to me or my words, just thoughts and fleeting moments of fancy and in the words of Puck from Midsummer Nights dream


If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbr'ed here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding than a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.

X
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 Sep, 2008 03:31 pm
@annis,
noting, not paying undue attention

noting
 

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