Confusion (if you are crazy, please post)

mngunim, I'll never be able to post on this or the messy feelings thread - I don't readily do confusion on paper -(the pieces you have read of mine have mostly taken less than 5 min to write, they just come out orderly ) but I wanted to thank you because often I feel as if you're expressing some of my confusion....and somebody's gotta do it!

It's alright man and very good to know I'm not the only one. Thanks for sharing you must have great talent to come up with such beautiful words in less than five minutes, maybe I'll end writing pieces for five minutes too . I only just started so for now I take an all good 30 mins per piece(whether done or not I just post after that long). Everyone is welcome to share.

in those I found myself
walking each day loving, jiving and leaving
all those worrying about me and sealing
the nicks forming our bonds, connecting our lines
killed our game, murdering the spirit synchronizing our prime
striving to be the best in the generation of our time
crossing borders slaughtering limits to our thrive

in those I found myself
fleeing and panting towards the light
for the darkness shielding our youth is harsh to fight
seen them falling down who thought they might
beautiful days, blue skies, lonesome nights
admiration, role models lonely in their great heights
have the world, control, being envied but not quite
the life you worked hard for doesn't feel right

in those I found myself
not being heard as my language mutated with every incident
obtained great diplomacy feared and loved even the presidents
still feeling inadequacy wanting extra to fill this dent
calling it human nature to desire more, maybe I wasn't meant

in those I lost myself (this is what I really mean…..)
I miss the boy within me who use to love, cheer and cry
spoke in the language people understood, had friends with no status
now there are rules on everything in my life
everyone analyse my jokes and take offence
I didn't mean to be your role model, I'm just another guy
I love my mom for she never stopped to try
I wanna go out have fun, please take off this TIE

there is more to life than happiness
even when found, I can’t nurture and nurse
groom it like a young heir to my throne
after all I’ve been through
I still find me puzzled, lost in an instance
calling myself a victim of circumstance
forget how it looks from a distance
come closer, snoop inside
I am choking, can’t swallow this pride


now that you mention it, she was one of a kind
did I tell you about joy on her side
yes, she wore it like a bride
told her it’s over, don’t try and fix it
now that she’s gone I feel more alone
despite ignoring her every call
she’s dying inside, my heart is cold
yes, she messed up and brought me pain
not more than I have attracted since then
pride? why am I killing two hearts
why don’t I allow my happiness back in my life

I look for more to life than happiness
sorrow and sadness for a balance
not intentionally I seem to find
it’s still a smile when rich in anger
keep darkness in my heart
allow frustration and strain to linger

......let me stop before I ruin it

I’ve read history and legends
the world’s greatest and their mishaps
victorious over conquerors, fate of emperors
a tiny red dot on a white sheet
overshadowing such cleanliness and splendour
to this far it haunts my mind
our heroes never live to tell a tale
better be weak among the weak
than have weakness in your strength
for in such purity, weakness prevails

I’ve listened closer, heard them talking
what they need in life and preaching
significant others and soul-mates
to help them carry this weight
grant me that wish like Solomon
wisdom at night come dawn
embedded in my head like a horn

I’ve seen great men falling
a small phrase meant to be a phase given undeserved praise
“I’m only human?” try and gaze, see the haze to leave you dazed
great spirits outlive their reign
keep on going when all but the name remains
I got no problem starting; tell me when to stop
give me that back pat when my performance is over
don’t wanna get lost in the clouds and embarrass my integrity
give me sign before my strength shows weakness
for humanity is the foe to great humans

Strength has so many definitions.
For some, it is about power.
In the end, all I could wish
For, or from, anybody is the
Capacity to care who gets hurt, and how,
The will to walk the straight path
And strength to do that
Which is good. Maybe not easy.


Oh, yeah, and world peace.

yeah, you are right there

stop look back for a second
sixty supposed to be equivalent of a minute
somehow its length seem to change
duration affected by a situation
I can count hours on a day
even minutes when I pray
are longer than when I lay
in my nerves, it left a fray
three seconds before that crash
were longer than an hour then on
what my brain processed
acetylcholine flew like a stream
synapses flooded with confusion
for a moment they ceased to exist
neurons became a free way
messages in one direction
too fast to elicit a response
broke the actions down in slow motion
spinning world from my vantage point
bang! all came back
thank God I was breathing

brought something to my attention
experience and fascination
more real than time
for it has a string of references
changing each time you snoop

(I'm probably not making any sense, but i understand every word I wrote)

I don't understand every word, though some seem to speak directly.

If you are like me, you write to clarify your own feelings and perspective, so others' understanding is not so central, perhaps.

Besides, you did call the thread "confusion".

Thanks spike for keeping me going.

I really value your stuff mngunim, and the chance to share, though sometimes interpretation is a strain on my limited comprehension. It never hurts to meet a challenge.

my desire my destiny, a chance to change the future of my progeny
driven by this persistent idea fading hesitation don’t mention my fear
oh dear, what’s this I hear every time the dawn is near
you wake up shed a tear wishing they weren’t here

wait…. it’s more than experience I lack
indecision of this young mind? what that heck

I even see them in my sleep
hold them tight in my thought, hope they won’t slip
living each day worried puzzled but happy, my kids aren’t born yet
not in this world ruined and ruled by greed and desire
pedophiles, child pornography don’t mention the media
blame it on technology… what do I know
I’m just a child needing your guidance and advise
I see them every night; beautiful, innocent brings a smile
what world will they be born to…. turns into a frown