the fear of failure

But don't focus to much on your fears, because that's a good way to make sure your fears come true...

The more time you spend thinking about how wrong things could go, and how much that would suck, the more you prepare the way for events to end up exactly like you envision.

It's a bit like driving a car. You must look past oncoming traffic, because you steer where you see, and if you keep focus on the car coming the other way, you are much more likely to hit it or at least become distracted by it, which can have an equally unfavored outcome.

But sometimes "driving the car", just gets so futile and empty. Occasionally I want the car to crash, just so something would hapen.

Isn't then your question more along "What's the meaning of life" rather than "my fear of failure", or perhaps "I fear that life has no meaning"?

The literal truth is that life has no meaning. The great truth is that we can assign our own meaning to life.

I am well aware that the question "what is the meaning of life?" is illogical and makes no sense. I do not fear that "life has no meaning", I fear not amounting to anything, and then regretting what I did or did not do in life.

There are many kinds of achievement and many ways to achieve.
Find an area that matters to you and set goals for yourself.
Don't worry about "amounting to anything" in anyone's eyes but your own.
Take chances, even at high risk of failure. Then do it again. And again.

Does that mean you would not like a life with predictable safe routines?

What kind of life would you like? Who has that kind of life?




What do you do with your time? What else have you considered doing?



What sort of things would you like to achieve? Why are those things important to you?

As a suggestion, you could read a couple of books on the Subconscious Mind.

Two that I've read that have been eye openning are "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Joseph Murphy, and "The Genie Within" by Harry Carpenter. I think they will be helpful in answering your question, from many different angles.

Existential Potential, I like the dictum: The unlived life is not worth examining.

Also, consider Goethe's saying (against procrastination, inhibition and fear):

Boldness has genius, power and magic.
Engage, and the mind grows heated.
Begin, and the work will be completed.