Parenting plans

Are sleeping arrangements for who will sleep where when traveling specified in the parenting plan? If so your's is much more detailed than any I've ever heard of.

Most parenting plans have a "general discussion" or "parenting philosophy" section and then a "specifics", "responsibilities" or "schedule" section.

Anything in the first section isn't "enforcable". It's a rehash of "What I think" or "what I want" from each of the parents. The specifics section is where the do's and don'ts are laid out.

None of them covers every possible situation and usually things like who sleeps where and when while staying somewhere other than the normal residence at night is usually left up to the judgement of the parent the kids are with when the event happens.

You can certianly go and try to have the parenting plan changed but IMO, it isn't worth the trouble in this case. What are you going to add? That your children can't stay in the same hotel room if his g/f is present? What happens come summer when he decides to take the kids camping and they all stay in one large tent? Are you going to include provisions for that too? How about who sits where if they should get on a plane?

You also open things up for HIM to request changes to the plan the minute you start. Are you willing to renegotiate the entire thing over something like this?

Personally, unless there is a whole lot more to things than the example you listed, I think you are being unreasonable.

I appreciate your response. However, I don't think I'm being unreasonable when it comes down to what my child is comfortable with when she is with her father. I just don't think it's appropriate for him to openly share a bed in the same room as his teenaged child

And I do understand that what I find to be reasonable may be something that others don't, including court officials.

But this is what I need to know. Thanks

Why is this coming up again?

Has your daughter said something to you about this lately?

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Certainly at 15, I'd expect her to be able to speak to her father about what she is comfortable/not comfortable with. Have you spoken to her about how to deal with any situation with her father where she's uncomfortable?

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As fishin has pointed out, there is a danger with re-opening the agreement, as the whole document can come back into negotiation.

Yeah, that is something to consider.
This came up again as they all went to California together. My daughter feels like she doesn't want to upset her father by bringing it up and it just kills me to see her put in this situation.

I don't want to stir up old stuff but my kids are my top priority. This isn't about me.

I agree, it's not an ideal situation, all the more if your daughter feels
awkward and uncomfortable sharing a room with her father and his
spouse.

After it happened the first time, did you address this issue with your ex?
If yes, what was his response? If not, it would have been appropriate
to speak up on behalf of your daughter.

Now that it happened again, I for sure would speak to him about this
issue. Offer to pay for the extra room for your daughter (I am sure he will
be too proud to accept that), but make sure it won't happen again.

I would not involve the courts unless your ex is very uncooperative!

This is also an opportunity. This is time when a girl soon to be young woman needs to learn to speak up. I'll admit easily that her speaking up when something bothers her shouldn't be assumed, as she is just learning about herself and how to assert herself.

Was she actually unhappy or is she reflecting your unhappiness, Marty? (I don't remember, from the other thread.)

As a separate issue, I can see a 15 year old girl needing her own space in any case, but she also might have been frightened with her own room, if that would have happened.

I really don't know, but it seems more something to talk out that go being all accusing and fur fluffing.

Agree, not ideal. But, Marty, you may have more luck and it will be more beneficial, to work with your kids on their assertivity. That no does not mean 'i don't love you' and is quite compatible with having a good time. They'll need those skills elsewhere in life, not just when it comes to dealing with their father.

Dag's right - it's a good opportunity for your daughter to work on her ability to be appropriately assertive.

It might also help you out, as they (those mysterious teaching experts) say we learn best ourselves when we're teaching others.

I don't think this scenario is the right time to teach a 15 year old to be more assertive and speak up. Marty-daughter might have a somewhat estranged relationship with her father and probably feels more intimidated around him, especially when his new spouse is there too.

She also might be afraid that he won't take her on future trips, if
she's too difficult and makes a fuss. Girls that age can become extremely
shy, even around parents. It's really up to Marty to handle this one.

I was kinda thinking I'd just let this thread get old and disappear. Maybe I sound a bit bitchy and extreme by entertaining the idea of contacting a lawyer. My EAP offers a free 30 minute session.

What upsets me even more is that now he is changing his story and saying that he started out in bed with the girlfriend watching TV and when it was time to sleep he moved to the floor. Now he has changed this into a he said she said situation and I don't want my daughter to feel like I'm digging this up again.

I just don't feel that he is willing to be reasonable or honor my feelings about parenting.

sounds like your Ex has realised he was out of order.

Let it go and see what happens.

I believe a 15 year old girl would be mature enough to process what happened (nothing really) in a sensible manner if it isn't being continually dragged up again.