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Tue 25 Mar, 2008 02:47 am
Quote:ONE
From one root we humans grow
From one glorious sun seeds of fire glow
Hill upon hill, we live in one world as neighbours
Sea touching sea, we live on one planet as companions
One bliss, one tranquility, and one destiny
One peaceful world we commit to build
Among neighbours, swords cast aside, new friends we find
Among brethren, smiling we choose to leave hate behind
Folks of different colours, unite to paint one rainbow for the Sun
Folks of different tongues, unite to sing one song for this Land
Let one hope flock to the Bird's Nest to set doves to flight
Let one passion burst on the Great Wall with fanfares bright
We share one world and dream the same dream
One prayer rises from all over the world
We have one homeland and feel the same feelings
A world of harmony we create and share
I'd like to hear your comments on the translation of a song written for the forthcoming Olympiad. Especially your comments on those phrases in bold type are appreciated.
I love it.
There are a few words I would change. but not many.
I'll be back tonight.
Joe
Before you give your modified version ...
Quote:One prayer rises from all over the world
We have one homeland and feel the same feelings
A world of harmony we create and share
I wish to change the last line but two into "One prayer rises from this world fair" in orger to make it rhyme with the last line "A world of harmony we create and share.
Thanks
My suggestion:
One prayer rises from the world so fair!
We have one homeland and feel the same feelings
A world of harmony we create and share.
Good suggestion
That is a very good suggestion. The possible ambiguity is removed! And with one more syllable added, it will be easier to sing. Thanks.
one prayer rises fromthis world so fair
seems to work better for me.
"this world" is better.
Joe(I meant to say 'this')Nation
Maybe you should stop murdering protesters in Tibet before worrying about stuff like rhymes?
Is this YOUR composition? Your original work or someone else's?
You said it was a "translation of a song written for the forthcoming Olympiad."
Like it a lot too.
Maybe "mountain to plain" for "hill upon hill".
Maybe something like "Let one hope soar through the skies and set doves to flight" for "flock to the Bird's Nest" (why capitalized?)
Can you post the tune somewhere?
About the originality of the song ...
The Chinese text was written by a composer, He came to me for help.
I did 7 versions, and he returned it to me with a revised version by an English and Chinese speaking foreign teacher. This is the version you read in the thread above. I made further changes to the text and gave it back to the composer. Now I am waiting for his mp3 work.
I had to find a place to post the translation for criticism by anyone. I first put it under music and lyric section. But received no reply. So I put it to the original writing section for other readers to read and comment.
If you think this is not the right place to put the translation for criticsm, please suggest where I should put it.
Thanks
You can also put it in Other Languages, or we could move this topic for you -- just click "Report" and send in a ticket.
contrex -- really -- you think fansy has some sort of seat in the government? I'm sure this poster has no more of a seat in the Chinese government than you do, so kindly knock off the extraneous chatter on this and other topics and either help without rancor or don't reply. Thank you.
Thank you, Jespah.
Joe(couldn't have said better.)Nation
Failed to report
Thank you, Jespah. I failed to use Report to place my request to you. But I don't think there is any more need to have my files and all those comments threaded to them transferred to other sections. I have got all the answers I need for the translation I have been doing for my new composer friend.
Thanks again.
By the way, I have a seat in the front of classroom. And I am doing translation for magazines. It's pretty interesting to do this job and I always get timely and friendly comments and replies from you good guys.
So I should thank all of you for your generous help.
fansy
We're here for ya, buddy.
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