edtiing of passage for Grade 3 students

Paul and Jack are brothers. Their father owns a restaurant. He has two cooks, three general workers and five waitresses. The staff like him because he is strict, but kind and understanding.

The restaurant opens at 2 p.m. and closes at 11 p.m. every day. It can not open earlier because Paul's father and his workers have to cut the vegetables and meat before they open the restaurant.

When their mother is free, she goes to the restaurant. She serves the customers by taking down their orders and the waitresses deliver the food to them when it is ready.

Hi Gus

You made one change from 'cannot' to 'can not'. But your version is American English.

Best wishes

I made two changes. You asked for editing; I gave you editing.

I would have suggested some changes in the wording, but you specifically said this was for third grade students.

You're right about the grade aspect. But what I meant is that 'can not' is AmE, and in my country, the students use BrE.

I'm not saying that you've done little in corecting the passage.

Many thanks.

You are very welcome, kind sir.

You're kind, not me. You corrected my passage. You're therefore kinder than I am.

Yoong Liat

I agree with Gustavratzenhofer. There is absolutely nothing amiss in your original version. It does have a sound that is rather flat, however. I'm not at all sure that this flatness is a requisite for writing to be used with third graders. If one hopes to inspire them to take joy in language, it may be worthwhile recasting these sentences so that their syntax has more variety and pop (without diminishing their clarity).

Could you recast the sentences so that it is an improvement on my version? Thanks in advance.

Yoong Liat,

Here's a try at putting more variety in the syntax. More complex sentences require punctuation, which may not be something you wish to take up with your students right now--but you could talk about commas later! I hope what I've written is an improvement, rather than a mere rearrangement of your already-clear words.

"Peter's sons, Paul and Jack, love to visit their father's handsome green and gold restaurant. Everyone talks about it. Diners must wait until 2 p.m. to eat there, because Peter wants to serve only very fresh food. He and his workers must clean and slice new vegetables and meat every day, hurrying to finish before the restaurant doors open.

Peter's restaurant, The Green Parrot, is growing, because it serves such good food. Already, there are two cooks--Tom and Alice--three general workers, and five waitresses. The staff likes Paul. Although he is strict, he is kind and understanding.

Today, Paul and Jack's mother has finished her work at home, and she will bring the brothers to The Green Parrot, where she will take the customer's orders to help the waitresses. The staff likes her, too."

Many thanks, Miklos7, for your very interesting version of my story. It is indeed much better than mine.

I think helpful members like you will help me improve my writing of stories.

Many thanks once again.

correction to miklos version

The staff like her too.

Good job miklos, more adverbs and adjectives make it much more interesting.

Hi Dadpad

With due respect to you, I think 'The staff likes her' is not wrong. Either 'like' or likes' can be used. If you perceive 'staff' as a group 'likes' is correct. On the other hand, if you view the word as staff members 'like' is the correct verb.

I don't know whether other members agree with me.

Interesting observation Yoong.

I've reviewed and still like the singular. Likes (pl) is difficult for me to say.

Contrex?

Thank you, Yoong. You are correct: either "like" or "likes" is correct here. I used "staff" as a collective noun; therefore, "likes" appropriate.

Thank you also for the compliment on the new syntax I tried.

Best wishes.

Dadpad,

The verb form here is a matter of personal taste. I can well imagine that "likes" might seem awkward for you to say, even though it sounds better to me. This sort of flexibility is one of the nicer aspects of English. So much English grammar, syntax, spelling, and punctuation is/are [depends on whether there is an "of" understood between "much" and "English] made up of exceptions to rules that it's best simply to enjoy the varieties of correctness. Of course, one needs to memorize these options, which can be tiresome when one is young. I'm no longer young! How do you pronounce "tomato"? [tomato?"] I say TOH-MAH'-TOH, and my wife still occasionally gives me the fish eye about that.