Anyone else ever been picked on in school?

I was picked on for various reasons. It started when I was around 7 because I was over weight. Back then it was just teasing, but then when I was around 12 it got much worse when I was defending a friend who was being picked on. all I said was "leave her alone" and that when the teasing turned into threats.

I was way over weight when I was 13, but then I got this crush on a boy in school and dropped all the weight by the time I was 14, but then the threats continued to get worse and they started getting physical, by pushing me into lockers, elbowing me every chance they got, elastics being shot at my face, etc.

Then came high school. I went to the vocational school to take a trade (printing), where there were only 9 girls in the school. They stuck together like a pack of wolves.
I grew up with this one guy (I'll call him Jay) in my school who liked me. He wanted to go out with me, but since we grew up together, I always saw him as like a cousin.
Anyway, the leader of the vocational girl pack was best friends with a girl who Jay ended up going out with.
Unfortunately Jay told his new girlfriend that he was still crazy about me and all hell broke loose.

Suddenly I'm being attacked in the ladies room, threatened and jumped everywhere I went, in and out of school. It was hell, to say the least.
The school principle felt so bad for me, he allowed me to quit school 6 months before the legal age to quit.

I wish it had ended there, but it didn't end until I found the courage to stand up for myself.

Last I heard, they all ended up being heroine and coke heads, so I guess they beat themselves up in the end.

Interesting, Montana. I was a bean pole. Six foot tall and 130 lbs at 13. It was brutal and continued through high school. I started dating college guys just because they were taller. Different issues there.

I had one particular tormentor in high school. He was short and squat and could not pass me in the hall without cutting me down. He was expressing his own image problems of course but it didn't matter at the time. It was very painful. I remember asking my brother (6' 7" and 8 years older) for advice and he just shrugged and said that someday it wouldn't matter. Didn't help much at the time but he was right.

Many years later he was employed by a good friend of mine. I recognized him immediately but he didn't remember me (I wasn't quite such a bean pole by then). We got along quite well and joked about a bunch of things. Eventually I reminded him of what a dick he was in high school. He got sort of sheepish for a minute, agreed he'd been a dick, and we were fine.

I spent most of my childhood building walls. Sometimes they still come in handy but mostly my brother was right. The dicks don't matter any more.

Re: Anyone else ever been picked on in school?


Montana, you are a fabulous person. Don't let the dicks get you down. I know it's easier said than done, but when you give someone else the power over your happiness then the dick wins. You're a winner, Montana.

I can understand your worry Mismi, but I think it's good that they have some boldness in them. I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I had stood up for myself long before I did.

When you're abused long enough, you eventually lose it. There's no where else to go and if I had learned to defent myself long before I did, I could have avoided years and years of living in pure hell.

My mother always told me to ignore them and walk away and I payed a huge price for following that advice. She was wrong to tell me that. She wasn't protecting me, the schools refused to protect me and the law didn't give **** either, so I didn't benefit at all by that advice and it made me feel like no one cared.

When I turned 16 I rebelled, which included against my mother. I was angry with her to the point that she didn't see much of me from 16 to 21. I came home to sleep and shower. I was working full time, so I ate at work. I resented her so very much for not even trying to protect me. She blew it off like it was no big deal.

My mother never went through what I did when she was growing up, so she couldn't imagine that it was that bad for me.

It was bad enough to where I thought about taking my own life, not to mention the lives of the bullies.

This is a serious issue that needs to be taken much more seriously in the schools. Our children are forced to be there and they shouldn't have to deal with abuse. Everyone has a breaking point and after you've taken enough abuse, you have no where to go but snap.

People are shocked at all the kids who are going into schools these days with guns and open fire, but it doesn't surprise me in the least, nor do I imagine it surprises anyone who had the same experiences as I did.

I think the schools need to arranged security for those being abused and the abusers who physically assault others should be prosecuted by the law, just like adults are.

The law gives these abusers a free pass simply because they're under 18 and if that doesn't change, they can expect the violence in the schools to excel.

"As in most people who have had a violent past or continue a cycle of violence I believe it's usually a defense mechanism against residual fear."

I think Bear is right on this.

My ex told me he was a bully in grammar school, particularly in sixth grade. He was overweight at the time, I think more unusual then than it is now.

When he got to high school he got interested in literature, writing, and hanging with the theater group. Lost weight, stopped with the bully bit. Grew up to be a writer.

At one point he and I were talking about character motivation and he said, "the primary motivation is fear". Well, we argued, as I don't think it's always primary. But it does underlie a lot of behavior.


I've been lucky, in that I was never really picked on. First of all, I was very quiet (believe it or not). My schools weren't huge but also not as small as the one Montana was in, with the potential for that kind of serious group exclusion. I tended to have 'friends' across clique lines, not being part of the very in group, but treated ok by them. (In high school, I was newly living in California so had no past history of kids and their cliques from the various grammar schools around. Plus I took two buses to school so didn't hang around afterwards.) So I don't know how I would have reacted to real bullying. Might have made me a speedier runner... or (more of) a psychological mess.. well, who knows.





This brings back another memory. Back in eighth grade in Chicago - There was a girl my friends said was a bully. We got our own house that last year, and she lived down the street. We walked home from school a couple of times. No problem. Thinking.. maybe some people bully only in group dynamic situations. Or, she was growing out of it. Or, not knowing she was a bully, I didn't look afraid of her. Or too stupid. Whatever..

Re: Anyone else ever been picked on in school?


Awwww shucks, thanks JPB :-D

I see you went through your own crap.

I know it doesn't matter anymore, but I still automatically fall into defense mode when being picked at. Not always a bad thing, I suppose, but sometimes I end up getting a little too defensive, which is what I'm trying to work on.

I started this thread as a kind of therapy for myself and others who may want to vent about similar situations in their past, that still have an effect on them today. I know I still have some bitterness inside, just because of my reactions to anyone who feels I'm an easy target for pickin and I'm trying to work on that.

Thank you for your kind words JPB. You're the best :-D

Osso, that doesn't sound bad at all. Boy, I wish I had gone to your schools :-D

It's my believe that we are all, at one time or another, the picker and the pickee.

Well, apparently that one girl was a bully, as least my friends said so, but I missed being a target re timing. I think it can happen anywhere, any school, but some situations are more fruitful for bullying behavior than others.

I've been talking about physical bullying. Conversational bullying, now there's a bag of worms.

When my son was around 9 years old, I was called into the school because an incident happened. They said they would explain when I got there.

I get to the school where the school counselor began to tell me that my son was in a fight. I ask what happened and they told me he had gotten into a scuffle with a boy in the boys room.

Again, I asked "yeah, but what happened"? He (the counselor) began to explain that this boy hit my son and my son hit him back, which ended up with the other boy running off crying in the office. He admitted that he hit my son first, but he didn't hit him as hard as my son hit him (that's my boy :-D ).

Anyway, the counselor told me that my son was going to go without recess for the rest of the week because he was in a fight and they suggested I should inforce some kind of punishment for him at home as well.

I must have turned all kinds of shades of blue at this point, where the conversation went like this:

Me "wait a minute here! Are you saying I should punish my son for defending himself"?

Him (counselor) "well, we don't condone fighting in our schools here"!

Me "I don't condone fighting either, but that boy hit my son first and my son was just defending himself".

Him "yes, but, when the other boy hit your son, your son should have gone to the office to tell us".

Me "and what would you guys have done"?

Him "we would have called his parents, as we did and took away his recess for the rest of the week, as we did".

Me "ok, so the kid loses his recess for a week and gets a "don't do it again" from his parent, then goes after my son again for being a rat and other kids join in to attack my son because no one likes a rat, therefor making my son a victim".

Him "well, what makes you think such a thing would happen".

Me "because it happened to me. People told me to do the same thing you're telling my son and I was left a victim because of it." (I then explained to him what I went through).

Me again " I raised my son to defend himself to prevent him from going through the sheer hell I went through because I wasn't tought to defend myself. I promise you that that boy will never hit my son again and I'm taking my son out for some ice cream after school to reward him, since you people obviously don't believe in self defense"!
Your way makes my son a victim and I won't have that!"

Needless to say, from then on, the schools didn't like me very much and they even stooped to the point of repoting me to DSS for the stupidest **** you could imagine. They would call DSS to say my son went to school with messy hair (no joke) and when DSS came and went (what seemed like a million times) and they realized it wasn't working, they actually called my abusive ex to get involved, which he did. They gave that bastard another ticket to abuse me again, except this time he was using DSS instead of his fists.

The school wanted my son on Ritalin because he was diagnosed with ADHD, yet he wasn't bouncing off the walls or disrupting the class. He was simply having problems in math.
I refused to drug my son, so they call DSS for the last time, where I was accused of medical neglect and they suggested that I could lose my son if I refused to medicate him.

I packed up the house, sold it and off to Canada we came.

I'm still angry and I don't know how to get rid of it. I know time has healed me a lot and I hope that eventually I can manage to let it all go and put it behind me.

I started this thread as mainly a place I could come and vent and a place where anyone else can do the same.

I got lots of my chest here today and now I feel much much better.

This turned out to be good therapy for me and I want to thank all of you for your thoughts and just for listening.

Not really looking for anyone to listen, just a place I can blast off when needed.

Maybe I should have called this my blast off thread

At any rate, it helps me to vent, and unfortunately for you guys, this is the only place I'm comfortable enough to do that

Anyway, I don't expect anyone to read all my rants and ventages (is that a word), as I'm just happy to get it all out.

I'll pop in here every now and again when I feel the need to get stuff out, because it obviously helps and anyone else who feels a need to vent is welcome to come here and let loose. No matter what the subject, just come in and get it out.

Thanks everyone :-D

God I hate women drivers on cell phones....

Yer right, Montana, I DO feel better. :wink:

See, it works

I hate any drivers on cel phones

The Vent Thread http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?p=3033055#3033055

Yes Montana, I was picked on bad. Which is why I defend people now.

(((((((Amigo))))))))

Thats right baby.....Amigo.

We ain't fool'en anybody baby.

Let's get it on.