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Editing of passage meant for Year 3 students

 
 
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 10:06 am
Hi

Could someone please edit this passage meant for Year 3 students for me. Thank you very much.

One week before Chinese New Year's Eve.last year, my mother, sister and I went to Chinatown to buy some goodies so that we could serve our relatives and friends when they came to visit us. My mother also bought things to be used for decoration, including curtains and new seat covers.

After we had bought what we needed, we left for home. Soon after we reached home, we spring-cleaned our house. I wiped the furniture, while my sister vacuumed and mopped the floor. My mother hung up the new curtains and changed the seat covers, while my father wiped the lights and dismantled the fans to wash the parts. After the parts of the fans were dry, he put them back.

On the morning of New Year's Eve, I accompanied my mother to the market to buy some seafood, vegetables and many other types of food to prepare for the reunion dinner. That evening all our family members had our reunion dinner.

The next morning, my sister and I wished our parents "Happy New Year" and they gave each of us a red packet, which contained money inside. (It is a Chinese custom to give children red packets in which money is put,) After that, we put on our new clothes and shoes, and went with our parents to visit our grandparents and relatives. They were delighted to see us and later gave us red packets. .

I like Chinese New Year because I can eat many types of delicious food. I love receiving red packets because I will have more money. I can play with my cousins whom I seldom see during the past year.
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 11:35 am
Re: Editing of passage meant for Year 3 students
One week before Chinese New Year's Eve last year, my mother, sister and I went to Chinatown to buy some goodies that we could serve to our relatives and friends when they came to visit. My mother also bought things to be used for decoration, including curtains and new seat covers.

After we had bought what we needed, we left for home. Soon after we arrived, we spring-cleaned our house. I wiped the furniture, while my sister vacuumed and mopped the floor. My mother hung up the new curtains and changed the seat covers, while my father wiped the lights and dismantled the fans to wash the parts. After these fans were dry, he put them back.

On the morning of New Year's Eve, I accompanied my mother to the market to buy some seafood, vegetables and many other types of food to prepare for our family reunion dinner that evening.

The next morning, my sister and I wished our parents "Happy New Year", and, following the Chinese custom, they gave us each a red packet containing money. After that, we put on our new clothes and shoes, and went with our parents to visit our grandparents and other relatives. They were delighted to see us and later gave us red packets too.

I like Chinese New Year because I can eat many types of delicious food. I love receiving red packets because I will have more money. I can play with my cousins whom I seldom see during the rest of the year.

(Most UK native speakers would consider the sentence in bold to be an sign of excessive greed)
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Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 11:42 am
Many thanks, Contres, for editing the passage.

I think it's culture. For us, saying we like receiving red packets because of the money doesn't make the children appear greedy.

Regards.
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 02:09 pm
In British culture, it is considered by many people to be vulgar to discuss money in ordinary social circumstances and to be too open about wanting and liking money. Many British people sneer at Americans for "worshipping money". You could, of course, argue that this is hypocrisy, and you would be right.
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 02:12 pm
I made a mistake in my version of your passage. The final sentence of the second paragraph should read: "After they were dry, he put them back together again."


"
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SULLYFISH66
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 03:02 pm
"Many British people sneer at Americans for "worshipping money"."

EX-CUUUUSE ME!

Can you explain? You've been watching to much TV!
0 Replies
 
SULLYFISH66
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 03:06 pm
By the way . . . . "My mother hung up the new curtains"

It should be My mother hanged the new curtains."

There is no such verb as 'hung"
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contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 03:23 pm
SULLYFISH66 wrote:
"Many British people sneer at Americans for "worshipping money"."

EX-CUUUUSE ME!

Can you explain? You've been watching to much TV!


Hold your horses, hotshot!

I don't have to explain. What I wrote is crystal clear. What you appear neither to have noticed nor to have understood (due to haste or poor reading comprehension, I suspect) is:

- That I did not write simply that "Americans worship money" as an accusation.

- That I wrote "Many British people sneer at Americans for worshipping money".

- That I wrote that, of course, to say that was pure hypocrisy. (You do know what hypocrisy is?)

Maybe you should go back and read my post again?

PS it's too much TV (with two letter 'o's)

Moving on...

Quote:
There is no such verb as 'hung"

Huh? On which planet did you learn English? Haven't you got the sense to check before making such a statement?

The correct past participle of the verb "to hang" to use in connection with curtains is "hung".

I hung up the curtains
I hung up my coat
We hung up the Christmas decorations

The past participle "hanged" is used in connection with executions.

Doctor Crippen was hanged for murder.
0 Replies
 
Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2008 08:44 pm
contrex wrote:
I made a mistake in my version of your passage. The final sentence of the second paragraph should read: "After they were dry, he put them back together again."


"
Thanks, Contrex, for the effort you put in in going through what you've edited. Most people, I believe, will after correcting, move on to help other questioners.
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