Romance between Christians and Muslims?

Daniellejean,

I'm curious as to what your doubts are, and what they are based on - why you have them in the first place to such an extent that you need to seek advice.

It's obvious that you have doubts, and equally obvious you are uncertain about the answers. Yet it also seems to me that you know the answers, but part of you wants those answers not to be be there/be true.

Daniellejean...

perhaps you may not have a problem with your boy friend, but.. you sure would with his family... especial if you return with him to a muslim country, then there is the problem of children.. if you live in a muslim country your children are muslim, whether you want them to be or not and no way you could ever leave that country with them unless his family agreed.
Well that's what I feel would be the case.

You may feel that is the case but I don't think it is, or at least, it largely depends on which country you're talking about. Personally, I love my husband's family and they have always treated me with love, kindness, and respect when we visit. In fact, they are a major reason why I decided to marry him and have children with him.

Actually, daniellejean, maybe you should visit his home country and see for yourself. I don't know anything about your boyfriend, but some of the things being said here strike me as presumptive at best.

Yes, me too, and I'm happy to see you post here with your experience, FreeDuck.

Completely aside from the Christian-Muslim question, I remember this from your previous posts, daniellejean:



What I seem to remember is that you have quite a healthy sex drive but then the conventional side of you insists on creating an armature for the sex -- whether the sex partner is otherwise suitable or not.

It sounds like you're making some progress there, but that still seems like the core issue to me. You're attracted to this guy, and like the companionship, but it's not necessarily anything long-term. And it doesn't have to be. That's OK, really!

Don't Muslims only wish to marry virgins? (I keep thinking of those 72 virgins awaiting the men when they get to heaven. Not sure what the women get).

And (I may be speaking from ignorance here) isn't sex outside marriage a sin for them?

In my limited experience it seems that would also the womans fault if it happens...as an example - here in Australia, there was a series of gang rapes in Sydney of caucasian (white Australian) females by a pack of up to 14 Lebanese Muslims ...an Imam, when talking about it to his congregation, stated that the authorities were without mercy in sentencing the boys (some only got seven years, some 15 if I remember right), and that "if a cat sees naked meat on, it will eat it" (it created quite an outcry). There womens robes in that light are self explanatory.

Apparently not.

Heh.

Vikorr, the problem is that Muslims are not one huge homogeneous lump. A lot of the things you're saying can be ascribed to conservative Christians, too -- but not all Christians are that way. Lots of variety among Muslims, too.

Never said they weren't

I know

I know

I don't know if this particular point varies (or even exists), hence the question marks and the qualifications. Do you know?

Yes, there is much variety among Muslims.

No, they don't all want to marry virgins.

No, they don't all believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin.

No, they don't all believe that a hijab or chador is appropriate or required for a woman.

Thanks ehBeth,

New the first and last, thanks for the middle two.

I suppose some of the things that I have said are presumptive at best. That's part of my issue. I don't feel like I know enough about what he, as a practicing but not fanatical Muslim, would expect of a long-term relationship or marriage. And I'm scared. But I want to just see him for the individual that he is.

What I do know is that he has had a three-year relationship with a French girl that was serious enough that they were talking about Marriage. In the end, he says, they separated because she was only with him because he was Morroccan. I find it hard to believe that one could sustain a relationship for three years based only on that. But he says that in the end, she saw him as her Morroccan boyfriend, when he just saw himself as her boyfriend - who spoke french, and ate foie gras, and played soccer, and made love. But he also sees himself as a Muslim - who fasts during Ramadan, prays 5 times a day (sometimes after we make love, which seems odd), and reads the Qu'ran. I'm sure there was more to their break up than just that, but I don't want to know. It is comforting to know that he could have a serious relationship with a french woman, though. But then, of course, despite being in France, I am FAR from French.

I think he is similar to me in the struggles he has with his faith, but he is not as high strung as me. He told me he thinks sex is a sin, yet we do it anyway. He says it's human. I wonder what that makes me - a sinner in his eyes, a temptation causing him to sin, or a person he cares about that he is willing to make love with even when the lines of sin, humanity, and virtue are fuzzy on this one.

I think my reasons for wanting to end it may have something to do with his personality too - and my trust issues. I have felt hurt by some of the things he's done recently, leaving for Bordeaux on a days notice for the entirety of the Christmas break when he said he had no money to go back to Morrocco. It cost him as much to go to Bordeaux from Le Mans during the holidays. Then I offered to go down there to see him, and he said that he was going to visit a friend near Toulouse. He's coming back tomorrow. I've been stuck in the Loire Valley watching videos and visiting boring Chateaux alone. I did go to a stellar party on New Years, but all the same.

That, of course, has nothing to do with his being Muslim. And it is hard to have faith in him when it doesn't seem like he wants to be around me. But we almost broke up before he left, and so I think he was just taking some space. I'm trying to be reasonable, but I'm scared to see him tomorrow. I'm scared I'll see him and ignore the fears and doubts I've been having, have sex with him, and regret it afterward. But I am in control of that, after all.

Religion? I don't know if it's a question of religion for me. It's never NOT a question of religion, but maybe I'm using religion to mask why I am really uncomfortable with this.

P.S. FreeDuck; thank you for your input especially.

Daniellejean--

This guy's recent behavior doesn't seem particularly caring and loving.



You two have many, varied differences--not just religious ones.

I actually meant what other people were saying to you.



Do you ever ask him about this? It seems like maybe the two of you could talk about these things and come to more of an understanding.



I'm starting to get the impression that this has a little more to do with how well you know each other and yourselves. which I guess includes your respective religions.



You're very welcome and I hope it is useful for you.

He's been back from Bordeaux for a few days now and things don't really seem to be too great. Perhaps it's because I worry too much about nothing. Or perhaps it's because we really aren't right for eachother. But I'm thinking more seriously now about just letting this one go and chalking it up to experience. It's hard though because he is irrisistably good looking and sometimes quite fun to be around. But I think I need more than that.

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think you should tell him exactly what you just posted.

Daniellejean--



Good insight.

I didn't succeed in leaving him. And I'm not sure I want to. But I'm not sure I want to stay either. Ugh...has anyone been here before?

Daniellejean--

Right now this man is the center of your life and you don't want to be without a center.

Remind yourself that you don't need this guy for financial support and he's not terrific in the Emotional Support Department, either.

Remind yourself that you're too good for him--and he can take his little quirks elsewhere.

Yes. It's better to leave. If there's more there than you thought, time will tell.