Romance between Christians and Muslims?

Is this your old story or is it a new one, Danielle?

What are the Christian Woman's plans for the future? Marriage and children? Marriage without children? Marriage as independent adults?

How are both parties when it comes to compromise?

What is the point of "dating" in this situation?

I was afraid you would read this, Francis. It is a new story. I don't know why; I am attracted to dark, handsome men - don't think twice about religious differences, and jump.

In terms of plans for the future, neither party is speaking about a future together in definate terms. But as for the woman (me), she eventually wants a family. In terms of how her children are raised, she hopes that they will be taught about God and given the freedom to make up their own minds in the end.

This third person writing is crap.

Okay, in terms of compromise, I'm not sure who is more willing to do so. He is obviously making some compromises for me, namely accepting that I may never decide that Islam is right. And I am making some compromises for him, namely dealing with the anti-arab prejudices that I get from everyone around me. That is partly why I am thinking of leaving, actually. Somebody the other day told me I am wasting my time with him. And another person laughed at me because I am American and dating a guy named Oussama. I'm even trying to overlook my own prejudices that I didn't know I had, and I'm not certain that I can.

In the end, I don't even know that I can make him happy or he can make me happy. And I have this trust issue. Beh, I'm not being very clear here.

I guess I want to know what you think about interracial, intercultural, interfaith relationships in general.

Oops, I forgot I posted about this already
I did actually post about this already under, Islam and Christianity: A Reaccuring Personal Issue. I dont come on this Forum as much as I used to and I should have rechecked my posts.

I just intended to clarify things, it's not a criticism on your choices, Danielle.

okay...I guess I'm just a little bit confused and sensitive about this since there are many people who are criticizing my choices right now - including myself, at times.

daniellejean - Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it! Marriage is a difficult enough process when people are "on the same page". When there are vast basic differences in culture, the odds of a relationship succeeding are not good. If I were you, I'd take a "pass" on this one!

Are there support groups, or blogs on the internet posted by women who have been married to Muslim men? There must be thousands of women who have already done this. Seeking their advice, and learning from their experiences may be of benefit to you.

I worked in Saudi Arabia for 15 years. My experiences with Islam were mainly limited to the workplace, but from what I've seen the cultural and belief gap is wider than many people realize.

I think Phoenix has given you some excellent advice "Marriage is a difficult enough process when people are "on the same page". When there are vast basic differences in culture, the odds of a relationship succeeding are not good."

This must be a very difficult position for you to be in daniellejean. You say you are a Christian so I am sure you are aware the Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked. I don't think that means we can't love people of other religions. I believe it means that the problems that can arise from it are the focus and we should avoid those joinings.

Unfortunately, none of us can make our hearts either love or not love someone. I do have to agree with Phoenix. Marriage is tough enough as it is. Religion is a huge issue and I don't think anyone can deny that. Islam and Christianity have been at odds from the gitgo. Even though you may be able to make compromises now, sooner or later it will come down to one of you won't be able to compromise on your beliefs.

I pray this situation resolves for you and that you find peace.

I think interfaith relationships work out just fine in cases where both individuals are moderate and personal in their faith practices. I belong to a church that has numerous interfaith families, including Christian-Muslim families. They are happy, well-adjusted adults who are raising their children with a liberal faith tradition and they participate as a family in both religion's celebrations.

I live in an area that is predominately Jewish and there are many, many Jewish-Christian interfaith families.

I doesn't work well if either partner is conservative or Orthodox in their beliefs, but two moderate/liberal individuals can certainly be happy together.

Daniellejean--

Forgive a personal comment, but you don't strike me as a fearless pioneering type.

You are a deeply passionate woman--who is also conventional.

A trail-blazing marriage would probably teach you a lot, but the lesson would be painful. Why risk the pain to "learn" something that your gut is telling you now?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how conventional I really am, Noddy.

I have always wanted to be conventional because having some sort of firm footing gave me a way to deal with my mothers cocaine addiction and abandonment and my father's alcoholism and selfishness. I moved with my grandparents and assumed a very traditional piety to compensate for the love I didn't feel from my parents.

But now, especially over the past year, I've begun seeing my spirituality and desires in a different light. I've begun accepting myself as I am and even trying to understand why sometimes I'm not sure I even believe in Jesus Christ anymore. But that is a topic for another web page, and a doubt that I battle every day because I think belief is something worth fighting for.

Perhaps you're right, Noddy. Perhaps I'm not the most liberal person out there. But I am well traveled, and have always made an effort to understand people who are different than myself.

Mostly, I write about my personal questions on this website - boy troubles. It gives me a place to explore with a certain amount of anonymity. But I don't express all of who I am here.

Perhaps it won't work with O. in the long run. I have to at least wait until he gets back from Bordeaux to talk to him about it though.

What troubles me is that I feel increasingly less conventional every day, and O. seems quite grounded in his beliefs. I have tried talking to him about our differences and all he can seem to say is, "Do you really think that differences are the most important thing?" Sometimes, I want to reply, "Not the most important, but certainly worth addressing." But what I really say is nothing.

I guess I like him. But I don't love him. But I also don't want to be alone. And it's not like I'd do ANYTHING to avoid being alone. But having some company sometimes is comforting. But in the end, I have to ask myself, "Am I wasting my time?" "Could I be finding better company elsewhere?"

Or, "Are all of these questions coming about because I see the look on peoples faces when I talk about my boyfriend "Oussama" or they see the Morrocan tea cups and Arabic writing he drew for me hung on the wall. And some are so overt about it, "You're dating an ARAB?" And it makes me so ******* angry. And it also makes me scared of him. He doesn't make me scared of him. THEY make me scared of him.

P.S. We've been dating for two months. Neither of us are talking about marriage. He hasn't finished his degree. And I have no idea how long I'll stay in France (two years at the least, but then what?). Come to mention it, after he finishes school, who knows if he'll stay in France. But I understand why you all addressed the marriage question since it is usually an ultimate goal in most peoples lives. I am more thinking along the lines of if it is possible to have a successful dating relationship for a significant period of time - like a year or two. And then, if it comes to the question of Marriage and sacrifice, well we'll deal with it then.

P.S. I saw a french girl kiss a North African on the train today, and that gave me hope. They seemed happy. I wonder if other people think we look good together when they see Oussama and I in public (even though we don't kiss in public).

Re: Romance between Christians and Muslims?


Might have been a reasonable thing somewhere back around 1957 or thereabouts; In today's world, it's an extraordinarily and overwhelmingly bad idea.

Muslims actually do (or enough of them do for it to be a big problem) follow a policy of attempting to try to take the world via sheer demographics. Moreover, there are muslim religious leaders who preach the idea of taking over the US via multiple marriages with multiple muslim kids; in other words, a muslim dude who follows this plan is going to divorce and remarry every five or six years or so and try to end up at age fifty or thereabouts with 15 - 25 muslim/American kids, soldiers in the great demographic war. The only safe assumption an American woman has listening to any sort of a marriage proposal coming from a muslim is that she is being recruited into this plan.

Another view on the topic.....

If you look at personal ads from women living in parts of the world with significant contact with muslim countries, you will often see "not muslim" as the response to the question of allowable choices for religion in a perspective mate, e.g.:

http://aprettywoman.com/d.cgi/100185835435772.83.177.2051199046299

In other words, anything in the world except Islam. Anything includes Budhism, Jainism, Taoism, Confucianism, Christianity of all flavors, Rastafari, Voodoo, Santeria.

An American woman considering hooking up with a muslim should consider the possibility that women like Inna here might know something about Islam and muslims which she might not...

Daniellejean--

"Conventional" is not a dirty word. Conventional people are not necessarily closed-minded people. You can choose a "conventional" life style and share the world with people with outrageous lifestyles.

I have moments of flair and color, but I tend to be a conventional person myself.

Hold your dominion.

Daniellejean,

The Bible teaches Christians not to form these types of relationships with non-Christians.

You shouldn't even need the Bible to figure this one out, other perhaps than the little thing that Jesus said about false prophets and by implication religions founded by false prophets ("Ye shall know them by their fruits"); the fruits of Islam are writ large on the pages of history books and newspapers alike.

I think it can work if neither of you are particularly dogmatic and if you have supportive family and/or friends, which it doesn't sound like you have. If people you know and respect continue to express doubt about the success of your relationship you would have to be pretty strong and in love to overcome that.

I don't see as big a divide as some people here do, but then I'm not very devout and actually don't think I'm christian anymore. But I do have a husband from Morocco who was raised muslim and I was raised christian and we are happily married with two children. Religion isn't a big part of our lives. If it were, we might not be so happy.