rate my lyrics pleasse?

well...for a long time now i've wanted to be a famous rock singer, and i need someone to help me with my songs and tel me wether it is good or not! its called : now my past will haunt me.

Now my past will haunt me, but if you would let me,
we can run away together,
we can have a little bit of fun,
as the past life tries to kill me.
later swimming in the afterthought,
2 cuts start to bleed from the memories,
her nose starts to bleed,
a beautiful blazing red.

And you watch me as my life goes,
Fading softly to a cold hearted glow,
And you watch me as my life goes,
and I don't wanna leave you, though I feel the need to hate you
and I tell you as you watch me as my life goes.


At home it's all turning to black decay,
and I can't stand it another day,
even if I held you in my arms,
loving every minute in my helpless daydream,
and whispered my secrets so softly.
thinking back though desperation,
the broken heart healed,
she cries the last tear drop of a vast ocean,
her eyes glowing the light of a thousand suns.

And you watch me as my life goes,
Fading softly to a cold hearted glow,
And you watch me as my life goes,
and I don't wanna leave you, though I feel the need to hate you
and I tell you as you watch me as my life goes.

Wallowing in the insight of murder,
her life turns to black,
her eyes blaze red,
and floating in the sea of tears she cried so many times,
she freezes up,
and drops dead in the middle of her lively crime.