For those who aren't religious.. views on marriage/death

I like the Quaker meeting. Or what I understand it to be. A group of family and friends sit around and talk (in some organized way) about the deceased.

Frankly, marriage has less to do with religion to me than it has to do with economics and childrearing.

So, is there any kind of grave side event, or just take the body and put it in the ground? I'm trying to figure out how I want mine to be.

It very much depends on what you perceive death to be.
Think about that and plan accordingly.

Yeah, religion has pretty much zero to do with marriage for me. I was married by a justice of the peace in a park building, and there wasn't anything religious in the vows.

Re: burial, my twin impulses are a) get rid of my body in the most useful/ least problematic way possible, and b) provide some way for mourners to focus their grief. I'm not totally sure how to reconcile those two impulses. For example, I wouldn't mind if every piece of me was donated -- whether usable pieces, or just as a cadaver. But I'd want some way for my survivors, if I have any (daughter, husband, grandchildren, whatever) to be able to go some PLACE or look at some THING and consider it to be "me," in whatever way. I think the whole ritual of visiting a gravesite is important.

Just read about ecopods (which I think have come up here before) in today's NYT magazine, that might be the best compromise, I'm not sure.

I have my theory on marriage. I believe that it should be taken out of the realm of government. The government might issue a domestic partnership license to a committed couple that would confer the legal rights that are now reserved to married couples. If the couple wishes, they could then have their marriage sanctified by a member of the clergy, but that would be optional.

When I die, I will be cremated, with my ashes put next to my husband in a national ceremony. I have just recently told my son that I do not want a funeral of any kind.

You know, cremation would be a very good exit. I'll probably go with that because I could really careless what happens to my body. That is, after I have everything possible donated for transplantation purposes.

I will be cremated and I'll just let the incinerator keep my bones and ashes. Nothing in an urn and nothing to bury.

Leaving money for a party after. No funeral services, thank you. A wake.

Sorry, just noticed that this is addressed to those who are not religious.
My bad.

It is immaterial to me what happens to my remains. I will suggest to my wife she take the cheapest way out, which could be to lay me in the Veteran's Cemetary. In that case, we could be buried together. I don't mind if she has a service for me, and, if it makes her feel good to have a preacher to speak, why should I object. The service is for the living, since the dead know nothing. In short; who cares?

Remove as many organs as can be donated (hopefully not many as I hope to be older than dirt by the time I die, and who would want my wrinkly organs.)

After that I'd want to be disposed of in the least inconveniencing way possible, likely cremation.

As far as marriage goes, my wife and I were married by a friend of ours who had an on-line minister designation, in a US military barracks room. After which we registered with "the man." If you like ceremonies I have no issue with you going nuts on your wedding, but to me if two people love each other... the wedding is not important.

Marriage - no need, matrilineal family structure is inherently natural, stable. If a need should be felt, ceremonies can be devised in a similarly subjective manner.

Death - cryonic preservation with trust fund for reanimation. Failing that, funeral pyre of stray dogs to blacken the flagstones of heaven from below.

Good point Edgar.. I just think it would give me the creeps in a way though, to have a preacher speak over me. I'd rather have friends say something. But I respect the idea that you are keeping your family's feelings in mind.

I don't have a need of a minister, in life or death. But, my wife seems to, so, why not indulge her. She doesn't do anyone harm with her beliefs.

I am sufficiently indifferent to what i see as religious nonsense that i would easily acquiesce in a religious ceremony for marriage if i were associated with a woman for whom it were important. Of course, my attitude is such that it is doubtful that i'd be associated with a woman of strong religious conviction. For my own part, a civil ceremony would suffice, because i see it as nothing other than a contract between two people to protect rights in property.

As for burial, i'm with EB on that one. I'll be past caring, people can do as they like.

full cadaver donor. who gives a ****? not me, and probably not anyone I leave behind because they will either not give a **** either, or will wish to respect my wishes.

Please don't bury me
Down in that cold, cold ground
No, i'd rather have you cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brains in a hurricane
The blind can have my eyes
The deaf can have
Both of my ears
If they don't mind the size . . .

I do not want to be buried- no way. I have seen people I've loved very much disappear into the ground, and though I have visited their graves - have never felt them there- so it just seems like a sad waste of space to me.

I want to be cremated. If my closest loved ones die before me- I will hold their ashes in an urn, then I'll have mine mixed with theirs- if I die first- we'll do it vice versa. I know it's all just symbolic ('that we're still together') but the thought of that brings me peace-I wouldn't want to be separated for eternity from those I love- including my dog...and I am dead serious- she's my girl.

In terms of anything stationary as a memorial - a bench inscribed with my name looking out on my favorite view above my favorite village up on the Mendips- I've already asked if I can have that done.

A service - yep with music- some favorite hymns, some other fun, happy favorites - (my kids will know what to pick - mainly what we listened to in the car together) maybe a poem or two, some home movies of fun times- and great food- and that's it..

I'm oging to separate the two topics.

I too am a Deist, and a poor speller to boot...

With a funeral, I feel that my peace comes before that point, and what ceremonies follow my passing are mostly for those that I leave behind. I feel at this point int my life that whatever my family needs to find closure is the best choice. This may include religious ceremonies from religions I (obviously) didn't identify with.

As for weddings, I am a bit confused about this as well. It wou;dnt be an issue at all if I wasn't in a interfaith relationship. She's catholic, or should I say her family is cathoic, so she's catholic by association. If we marry, I feel I'm going to be forced to put my feelings to the side for the sake of not creating a divide between her and her family. Honestly, I don't mind having a wedding in a church with a precher etc. It's just not my first priority when drafting my wedding. The wedding however is the less of my concerns. I'm more worried about her family wanting us to raise any children to be catholic. I'm not sure when (if) this time comes how I will be able to respectfully draw the line for them (including the GF).

T
K
O

I won't to too far into my beliefs here, but if you read "autobiography of a yogi" " the wheel of rebirth" and "conversations with god" they all have significance to me.

I'm probably a deist by definition... at least that most closely describes my beliefs. When I die I will either be buried in an area that still allows naked burials (that is to say, not buried in a sealed stainless box that isolates me from decomp). There are some areas where you can be buried in a pine box that lets you decompose fast. If that isn't feasible, I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread ASAP. I firmly believe that since matter and energy are fixed in the universe and I just borrowed them while I was alive, they need to be returned. Not doing so is like renting a car and then just parking it in your driveway when you're done with it. Give it back so some other soul can use it.

As far as marriage is concerned, its a powerful witnessing. I don't believe that humans are monogamous. If we are, we would be the only species with all the non-monogamous properties that was. Semen consistency, relative penis size, the fact that our females are smaller than males on the average, etc. Every other species in which those properties appear are non monogamous. But, marriage is an important legal and social witnessing. Although my wife and I don't believe in monogamy, we do believe in love, and our marriage was a witness to our friends and neighbors. I don't believe that god requires it, hopes for it, nor does she dislike it. It is a human experience. god has no need for good and bad, right and wrong, up and down. She just exists and experiences through us.

But in the grand scheme of things, life-long monogamy is pretty much a joke. Its much like many of the other religiously-originated themes. None of it works, but they then claim that their faith wasn't strong enough to make it work. Its never that they're barking up the wrong tree, its always their fault and guilt. Then comes the "why god" part, but THEN it turns into "it must be part of god's plan and we're not supposed to understand."

But I digress....