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Thu 15 Nov, 2007 12:15 pm
Hi
Could someone please edit this passage meant for Grade 3 students for me. Many thanks.
The children could not go to the zoo. It was raining heavily. They were very sad. Mary wanted to see the tigers because they look magnificent. John was curious how a giraffe looked like. He knows that they have long necks and legs. Peter knows that monkeys are agile and can swing from tree to tree and hang from the branches with their long and strong tails. He was eager to see them swinging among the trees.
The children took out their crayons and sheets of paper. They drew the animals they would miss seeing. Mary, John and Peter were having fun drawing their favourite animals. After they had completed their drawings, they were happy with what they had drawn. However, they were unhappy as they hoped the rain would stop, but it was still raining cats and dogs.
You could probably get away with most of it. I'd tend to make all the tenses agree: "Mary wanted...because she thought they looked magnificent", "John was curious about WHAT a giraffe looked like. He knew they have [or had] long necks and legs" or "curious about how a giraffe looked" (omit "like"). "Peter knew...". I would also outrage contrex and change it to "favorite".