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Mon 22 Oct, 2007 12:01 pm
I havent got the fogiest idea about poetry but here is mines.
Did this about 2 years ago....
What is it I want to be?
Magically transformed flushes, in the heart of hierarchy success. Our manly self, we all have different dreams but deep inside we are all one. I am a one who wishes to succeed and taste the success of spinning at the worlds inner souls; talking explicitly with boys diffusely against girls. It is not what I feel deep inside but what is on my mind; to create a diffusing complexity of a manly need to hate and promote at violent. I must change and change for the better to succeed our post predominant life.
We are here to be the man of the moment and smell the success. I wish to break this boundary and sucrose my ancestors; those females with the hearts. Boy's will girls and girls will boys, but without our emotional structures of goodness, we will do nothing but fail. Within a boy's network structure lays the inner-truth of hatred and aggression, to tackle this lays our true emotions which fail to leak out into the world.
To break a mould we must join to create an alliance of necessity for the better. Willing to bounce off our outer shells of goodness and join to grapple the hatred that falls at our feet. It is not throwing this abhorrence away that provides the key to our success, instead spreads it to the hurricane wave of anger. Coherence oh joy and happiness must spread before we can stamp out this hatred which falls at our feet.
Turning away and leaving our sorrow soul will only be sufficed for our later death in post-modern light. Joining the forces of will, rebreeding the fullness of good and creating our cohesion of love will be the success in our life. Not will I stand here and let our peaceful-ness disappear.
My deeper sense of dreams now surpluses me but it is the will of my outer shell that will be suffice. Rubbing my goodness onto de will creating my fusion of paying it forward. What is it I want to be? A true successor that will change the world for the better.
dj
be a poet to enthuse the globe than be a xyz
My appreciation .
dj
Now that you have been away from this for 2 years, you can look at it again with fresh eyes.
I'd like to suggest that you do a re-write. Remove about 75% of the words.
Get close to the bone!
SULLYFISH66 wrote:dj
Now that you have been away from this for 2 years, you can look at it again with fresh eyes.
I'd like to suggest that you do a re-write. Remove about 75% of the words.
Get close to the bone!
Thanks for that. Ye but its my first poem. Ill leave it as it is. Sometimes the best things are left unfinished