1
   

My first ever poem

 
 
Reply Mon 22 Oct, 2007 12:01 pm
I havent got the fogiest idea about poetry but here is mines.

Did this about 2 years ago....


What is it I want to be?

Magically transformed flushes, in the heart of hierarchy success. Our manly self, we all have different dreams but deep inside we are all one. I am a one who wishes to succeed and taste the success of spinning at the worlds inner souls; talking explicitly with boys diffusely against girls. It is not what I feel deep inside but what is on my mind; to create a diffusing complexity of a manly need to hate and promote at violent. I must change and change for the better to succeed our post predominant life.

We are here to be the man of the moment and smell the success. I wish to break this boundary and sucrose my ancestors; those females with the hearts. Boy's will girls and girls will boys, but without our emotional structures of goodness, we will do nothing but fail. Within a boy's network structure lays the inner-truth of hatred and aggression, to tackle this lays our true emotions which fail to leak out into the world.

To break a mould we must join to create an alliance of necessity for the better. Willing to bounce off our outer shells of goodness and join to grapple the hatred that falls at our feet. It is not throwing this abhorrence away that provides the key to our success, instead spreads it to the hurricane wave of anger. Coherence oh joy and happiness must spread before we can stamp out this hatred which falls at our feet.

Turning away and leaving our sorrow soul will only be sufficed for our later death in post-modern light. Joining the forces of will, rebreeding the fullness of good and creating our cohesion of love will be the success in our life. Not will I stand here and let our peaceful-ness disappear.

My deeper sense of dreams now surpluses me but it is the will of my outer shell that will be suffice. Rubbing my goodness onto de will creating my fusion of paying it forward. What is it I want to be? A true successor that will change the world for the better.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 885 • Replies: 3
No top replies

 
Ramafuchs
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2007 07:59 pm
dj
be a poet to enthuse the globe than be a xyz
My appreciation .
0 Replies
 
SULLYFISH66
 
  1  
Reply Sun 9 Dec, 2007 12:17 pm
dj
Now that you have been away from this for 2 years, you can look at it again with fresh eyes.

I'd like to suggest that you do a re-write. Remove about 75% of the words.

Get close to the bone!
0 Replies
 
djalliance
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Jan, 2008 03:05 pm
SULLYFISH66 wrote:
dj
Now that you have been away from this for 2 years, you can look at it again with fresh eyes.

I'd like to suggest that you do a re-write. Remove about 75% of the words.

Get close to the bone!


Thanks for that. Ye but its my first poem. Ill leave it as it is. Sometimes the best things are left unfinished Wink
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

What inspired you to write...discuss - Discussion by lostnsearching
It floated there..... - Discussion by Letty
Small Voices - Discussion by Endymion
Rockets Red Glare - Discussion by edgarblythe
Short Story: Wilkerson's Tank - Discussion by edgarblythe
The Virtual Storytellers Campfire - Discussion by cavfancier
1st Annual Able2Know Halloween Story Contest - Discussion by realjohnboy
Literary Agents (a resource for writers) - Discussion by Craven de Kere
 
  1. Forums
  2. » My first ever poem
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 05/11/2024 at 06:36:07