Older Men/Younger Women Coupling Supports Darwin's Theory

Thank God for men with oedipal complex

eww no thats gross

Makes sense to me except that when the older father eventually dies, it's not advantageous for this younger mother to have young children without a provider.

If she hooks up with another male, well, we all know the relationship in nature between stepchildren and a new male in the household.

So Averner whats wrong with older women, younger men? You seem repulsed by the idea? Why?

Ben Franklin put it very succiently. "Older women are much more appreciative". or was it greatful?

And Chai do you think younger women marry older men for love or money?

Sglass, I don't believe it's as simple as saying "love or money"

What is love? Sexual excitment? Compatability? There's all sorts of emotions and circumstances that could be called "love". Humans have such long lives compared to other animals, a long term love relationship for us might very well consist of simply getting along, enjoying each others company, and knowing when to give the other partner space.

Money? Are you talking Anna Nicole Smith/J. Howard Marshall money? Or one person seeing that the other has the capacity to bring in a steady flow of what is needed to sustain life and trade for a warm place to sleep?
Or even the ability to go out and successfully hunt down what will be needed to feed and clothes themselves and offspring?

In addition, asking if a woman marries for money seems to make the assumption the woman does not have any of her own. What if the woman already has her own money? Would she marry someone else wiyh a lot, or someone with less?

Thinking about what I said above about having an older mate die, and leaving the woman with young to raise on her own, and maybe risking their welfare by having a stepfather onto the scene.....perhaps this is the downside of living so long, and having offspring that take years and years to mature.

If I were an ape, it might at first glance look like it would be a better deal for my future children to mate with a young, strong male. However, it's probably wiser to choose one that is older, still strong, but maybe not as strong as a young male, but has the experience and maturity to more than make up for the younger apes somewhat superior strength.

I can raise several generations of young with this male, before he becomes too old to be a good provider. In turn, I provide him with the assurance his gene pool doesn't die out.

Today though, it just takes way too many years to bring a human to the point where they can get along on their own. Physically, a human could take care of themselves by...oh, 14, 15...maybe younger. However, adulthood is delayed more and more with education, internships, etc.

I've said this before, but this is my take on men...my personal cut off point for finding a man attractive is 40 and above. I'm a bit older than 40 myself now, but observing men, I generally don't find them all that interesting under that age.

If you "find" a man who is young, but also has maturity and some wisdom...he will always be that way. The thing is, there are less mature, wise young men around (in general). No insult intended, there's a lot to learn to become a viable human.

If you find a man who is young, but an A-hole, he might be mature and wiser when he reaches 40, but who has time to waste waiting for that? He might still be an A-hole.

Now, if a man is 40 and an A-hole, well, you know that's how he is, and will always be, and you needn't waste your time.

If he's 40 and mature and wise, well, he might always have been that way, or he might have been an A-hole at one time, but he's matured and become wiser, and that's what counts.


Anyway, I think there's a lot of people around that are confused as to what they should consider as a sucessful mate, both male and female.

Unfortunately, because both genders are confused, they are not able to articulate to others what a good life companion for them would be. So, because others are (again, in general) unable to give us cues as to what type of human we should grow to be to attract a mature, wise mate (male or female), many of us a floundering around, not maturing, not becoming wise.

I believe if people, from an early age both made their carefully thought out expectations clear, and listened to what others say are their carefully thought out expectations, all relationships would be more successful.

Ask someone, especially someone 25 or younger, what they are looking for in a life partner. Chances are you will get some nebulous replies. I can only speak for women, but the most common thing you will hear another woman say is that she would like to be with someone "nice" or "funny" or "someone I can have fun with"

Well, there's some high goals.

I'm not criticizing, it wasn't until I was 30 that I had a glimmering of what I would want in a mate, and not for a few more years that I could really appreciate it.

I'm speaking from the viewpoint of an American white woman here, but I noticed something really important, listening to black female commediens, and actresses. I've heard lines in comedy routines and movies where a black woman says she just met a "wonderful man" and the first question that gets asked is "Does he have a job"

Yeah....what makes a person wonderful? Partly....do you have a job? Do you have what it takes for the long haul?

So, in answer to you....love or money question....It's amazing how well 2 people "love" each other when they get along pretty well, can share a laugh, be comfortable in each others silence, and they are both productive, i.e. through employment or other means of being mature members of society.

That was a very thoughtful answer Chai, thank you.

This topic has really got me thinking.

I realize that people are people, and nothing new under the sun. However, I wonder how the choosing process went 100, 200, 500, 1000 etc. years ago, as opposed to today, and how it differed from today, and each other.

Today, meaning in the last few decades, we have something no other society has had…instant, mass communications, and the media that goes along with it.

Remember that phrase, "The media (medium) is the message"? Here's an interesting article about Marshall McLuhan that I found when googling that phrase, and was surprised at how it coincided with what I was thinking. Nothing new under the sun.

Anyway, again, speaking in gross generalities, look at how some people develop their thoughts on a suitable mate…look at the message the media is giving them.

Last week, while waiting for my hair to dry so I could go to bed, I turned on the boob tube and actually WATCHED about 10 minutes of one of the reality shows…"the bachelor" I don't know how popular that show is, but it must be very popular since I know I've been hearing that name for, what? Years?

Frankly, I was appalled. All I remember is the host telling the bachelor, standing there in a tux, that "you are the hottest bachelor we've ever had on this show." Like because he looked good in a suit that wardrobe put on him, he was long term relationship material. The last few minutes I watched was a string of girls wearing evening dressing parading past him, each making some inane comment, and him saying something equally vacuous back to her…..then, I went to bed.

Thinking about it, how many people, really young people, watch that and absorb the message that's being sent out? Oh, I doubt watching one show would change someone, but, if you're the type that allows the media to bombard them for hours every day, some of it sinks in.

Although there have always been foolish young men and women, I can't help but think that in previous generations, it was perhaps considered a bonus if a potential mate looked good in whatever passed for formal clothes in that society, but there was also the factor of the candidates looking at each other, and scrutinizing how the other person would fit into the life they hoped to live.

Also, in many societies, marriages were arranged by wiser (one would hope) elders. We today would be shocked and dismayed by this, and of course we all know the stories of young people in love being kept apart by heartless, mercenary parents. However, in reality, from the little I've read, people whose marriages were arranged were, well, happy. You GREW to love the other person, and learned to make compromise, and concessions, because you were well aware this other person was perhaps nothing like you in personality.

Today, it's a common joke how women try to "change their men". I wonder if it's because let's say, the woman in this case, did not have a clear idea what really mattered to her in a mate, and so, when she feels she's invested enough of her time in him, attempts to make him over in some fuzzy vision of what she wants.

Wouldn't it have been smarter for this sophisticated ape to wait and observe, until someone who met her needs came along?

Same for men. Again, a joking generality, but we all know the story of a man who marries the beauty, only to be dismayed at how "she let herself go", especially after giving birth to 2, 3 or 4 of his children. Since the media has told him all his life, through tens of thousands of messages, that a mate should appear a certain way, he may not have ever learned that humans change as they age.

The subject of this thread, older men, younger women….one poster said, "ew, gross". Could it be that this person is mainly taking his/her cues from popular entertainment? People on TV never have messed up hair, or smell, or apparently, age past 30 or so.

Do we know anymore what we really want in a life partner? Who has told us what to aspire to? Was it our old fuddy duddy parents, or some other equally old, useless person who doesn't know about life? Or was it someone off of E!, the Bachelor, or some show where relationship come to a resolution in a 22 minute time frame?


One thing McLuhan spoke of on that link was...

"the truth about the world they live in, and the hidden consequences of the technologies he develops."

Recently published: Evolution of Female Preference for Younger Males:

Chai I must confess that I am something of a cynic which is evidenced by some of my less than well received comments or observations I make on A2K . McLuhan was nevertheless correct in his statement that "The Media is the Message" which has been compounded by magazine Soft Porn Lords which has created a Centerfold Mentality in our society with their airbrushed "Barby Dolls".

Of course, it is a subject that has endless angles. Socialogical, anthropological, financial, ego-driven sexuality, fanatical religious ojection. Subjects that all have merit and bare scrutiny and address the endless question of who we are, why we are and where are we going with it based on immature sexual emotional development.

If some burnt out playboy sees the light in his 60's and wants to start a family before it's too late he certainly is not realize that expectation with a woman over 50 who has hung up her baby making days because of menopause.

I hardly think it has anything to do with his passing on longevity genes. Oops, I am rambling all over the place.

I was saying oedipal complex is gross, sorry for being unclear

Avener

What do you think is an acceptable age difference between older women
and younger men to have a successful relationship.

Do you think men like to mothered, or is it smothered by a woman?

I am looking for abject honesty since I am a cradel robber. They say that the hand that rocks the cradel rules the world.