Reply
Thu 26 Jul, 2007 06:49 am
Note: Included in S & R in order to get perspectives from all faiths.
Had a brief & respectful debate with ehbeth concerning a passionate affair between a single man & a married woman/mother of 2 and would enjoy other's perspectives.
Question: Since man was single - does he have any responsibility related to the affair other than making a stupid mistake? In other words, she clearly committed adultery - however, since he is single, did he commit adultery?
Depends . . . if he were under 18, he might have been committing infantry.
No. I see it as a matter of promises. The married woman most likely explicitly or implicitly made a promise to stay faithful to her husband. (If there was no such promise -- if it was explicit that each partner was free to do as he or she pleased -- the affair wouldn't concern me.)
The single man hasn't made any such promise.
I see it as a sign of disrespect on the part of the single man... also a lack of character and ethics to engage in something that he knows will infuriate and cause bad feelings in the cuckolded man without caring.
Also a sign of reduced masculinity because there a millions of unattached women out there... get your own you punk. AND, I consider the sneakiness and on the down lowness of the affair a definite sign that this man lacks the balls to operate out of the shadows.
I think men like this need killing, personally.
With 30 years in the entertainment business under my belt and many many many sexual experiences with more women than you would believe if I mentioned a figure I never slept with a married woman if I had knowledge of it, although it's been done to me. So why would I do something that would cause those miserable feelings that I know first hand it does?
Men (and women ) who do this are scum. Period.
I agree that it's dumb, and all things being equal I'd recommend against it. I'd probably lose some respect for a single person who knowingly enters into an affair with a married person. I don't think the married person and the single person have committed equal infractions if they have an affair, though.
sozobe wrote:I agree that it's dumb, and all things being equal I'd recommend against it. I'd probably lose some respect for a single person who knowingly enters into an affair with a married person. I don't think the married person and the single person have committed equal infractions if they have an affair, though.
I disagree but that's okay.
I agree with soz. The man might have done something stupid, but he is not culpable, as he has made no promises. Oftimes, single folk become involved with married people because of the safety involved. If the single person is committment phobic, he/she can have a relationship without having to make that committment.
On the other hand, I am convinced that (perverse as it sounds) sometimes a married person's affair can actually hold the marriage together. If a married person is in an intolerable union, often the affair gives that person enough relief that they can stay in the marriage.
That is not to say that I approve of married people having affairs. When you make a promise, IMO it is important that the promise is kept. The point is that life is very complex, and one cannot make a blanket statement that will cover all contingencies.
Once upon a time....
Wedding Vows used to be taken in front of God and the community as a public pledge of faithfulness and announcement to all that such a pledge existed.
I believe the service still includes, "...what God hath put together, let no man put asunder."
The single man in baddog's example is committing fornication--sex outside of marriage--not adultery. In most states this is no longer a legal crime--nor is alienation of affection.
Is the Single Fornicator making unlawful use of another man's property? If a child is the result, who is responsible for supporting this child? (In most States the husband is assumed to be the legal father). Is the Man a member of the stronger and more moral sex with an obligation to keep all women from straying?
The "modern" world is full of leftover assumptions.
Re: Adultery
baddog1 wrote:Note: Included in S & R in order to get perspectives from all faiths.
Had a brief & respectful debate with ehbeth concerning a passionate affair between a single man & a married woman/mother of 2 and would enjoy other's perspectives.
Question: Since man was single - does he have any responsibility related to the affair other than making a stupid mistake? In other words, she clearly committed adultery - however, since he is single, did he commit adultery?
thou shalt not covet another man's wife
different commandment, but still a sin
Phoenix32890 wrote:Quote:thou shalt not covet another man's wife
This is suggestive of a time when women were treated as property.
How would this "commandment" apply to a single woman having an affair with a married man?
It would apply equally. The Bible teaches:
Quote:The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Phoenix--
Quote:How would this "commandment" apply to a single woman having an affair with a married man?
One school of thought might argue that the woman, now being damaged goods, would bring a lower dowery to her father.
i feel so sorry for you poor put upon women.....someone forgot to tell you you aren't property and haven't been for a long time..... you can drop the righteous indignation now.....
Read the Police Notes in any local newspaper. Lots of men feel that PFA's couldn't possibly apply to them. After all, they love the women they abuse.
sozobe wrote:No. I see it as a matter of promises. The married woman most likely explicitly or implicitly made a promise to stay faithful to her husband. (If there was no such promise -- if it was explicit that each partner was free to do as he or she pleased -- the affair wouldn't concern me.)
The single man hasn't made any such promise.
sozobe: Do you feel that the single man has made (or should have made) any such promise to society?
I am not sure I can agree with any of the blanket generalizations made on this thread. I can see where someone would view an adulteress/adulator as scum. But look at it this way, if the marriage is that bad, and the man/woman is seeking out another man/woman for comfort, sexual gratification, etc. then you can't call the man/woman who is providing that comfort, gratification, etc scum. Nor can you imply they were "lurking the shadows". That may or may not be the case. That person was merely in the right place, at the right time, for that person. That said, I do believe this is not something that should be ongoing. If two individuals meet, one married, one not and happen to "connect", the married person should have the decency to tell his/her partner that he/she has met someone, thus ending the marriage. Yes, it is unfortunate for the person being left, but it does not make the spouse who fell out of love (for any reason under the sun that others may only speculate upon) "wrong", nor does it make the single person who happened upon this broken person scum. It just doesn't work that way every time for every situation, and to say it does is to say that each marriage is exactly the same. Which we all know is not realistic. It is also unfair to say that the laws of attraction and compatibility and ability to please and make someone happy should be thrown to the wind because "society says unmarried people are off limits".
baddog1 wrote:
So why get married?
I think life is about making mistakes and (hopefully) learning from them. Sometimes people get married too young or for the wrong reasons. Sometimes they get all of that right, but still they change and grow apart. It's not fun to admit to anyone or yourself that getting married was a mistake, but sadly it happens all the time. The best, if not only thing you can do in such an unfortunate and gut wrenching life experience is hope that next time you get it right.
baddog1 wrote:So why get married?
That's an excellent question.
I can't think of any good reason other than conservation of financial resources. Historically - inheritance, property and bloodlines.
soakITup wrote:baddog1 wrote:
So why get married?
I think life is about making mistakes and (hopefully) learning from them. Sometimes people get married too young or for the wrong reasons. Sometimes they get all of that right, but still they change and grow apart. It's not fun to admit to anyone or yourself that getting married was a mistake, but sadly it happens all the time. The best, if not only thing you can do in such an unfortunate and gut wrenching life experience is hope that next time you get it right.
OK - I clearly understand that your position on commitment is to be committed until things don't go right for one or both people.
However - you didn't answer the question. Why get married?
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace