Argumental essay. Need feedback and advice on what I should

Any feedback would be appreiated. This is an argumental essay for my Develemental life span psy 112 class. The topic is 'Are Boys The Weaker Sex? Like I said all are welcome to leave commits. Please help me out with some constructive advice. And also, what needs to be added or subtracted. All advice, suggestions, and feedback welcome. Thanks Jen.

Boys are not the weaker sex. Young boys are made strong by parents at a young age. (Huh? How?) In this day and age, a lot of parents are more sensitive and loving towards their daughters, and tougher and rougher on their little boys. If something bothers little girls; physically or emotionally, parents baby their daughter with comfort and affection, most of the time. Do you have proof of this? If something bothers little boys physically or mentally, most parents treat their boys as if nothing should bother them, and they should be strong with no emotions or feelings. When adults treat boys to be emotionless, and society has certain expectations of boys, they are damaging their minds by teaching them to be emotionless adults. What if boys were not taught to be tougher than girls? Maybe there could be a society full of peaceful, loving relationships. Because of society today, Society isn't the cause you're putting forth; rather, you're saying that it's parents and that's not necessarily the exact same thing most boys are raised to be strong and any showing of emotion is a sign of weakness.



I am assuming that this is a citation out of a book or other source so I am not touching itWell said Every human being, male or female, has feelings. If it's okay for little girls to cry when something bothers them, it should be okay for toddler and adolescent boys to cry also. People in society today are rough and tough on boys You really shouldn't be repeating this alliterative phrase twice in such a short essay. Through life experience, if a boy gets hurt by playing with his other take out this word friends, and he starts to cry, most parents will tell their young boys to shake it off because it really doesn't hurt. Put a paragraph break here and drop the word "also" Also, if the same thing happens and a little girl gets hurt by playing with her friends, this young girl gets to sit on Mommy's or Daddy's lap with an abundance of love and affection. Put this in the paragraph about how boys are treated; you're jumping around too much Parents should not treat their boys this way because when these young boys become men they won't ever show emotions in their relationships with wives, and when these men have their own children the same treatment they had as a child will rub off on their sons. Boys need love and affection also, so they will know how to give love and affection as men.

Just from personal feelings Eliminate this phrase, change it to something like "In my opinion", but only if this is an opinion piece, it would probably be best to let boys decide what they want to be emotional about. Too many men are mean, cold, and rigid because they were may have been You have zero proof of this so you cannot make such an unequivocal statement taught to be this particular way as young boys, and these behaviors could have Again, you're speculating here, so you need to couch your terms in the sense of possibilities rather than certainties carried over into their adult years, making it harder to handle their adult relationships because they don't know how to love without aggression. This is the first place where you're introducing aggression. Your previous statements just indicate that a lack of affection or discouraging a boy from crying makes him eventually grow up to be an unfeeling man, but you don't have anything about aggression to introduce this idea



Many boys, after they become men, Get rid of the following phrase in red as it's not needed later in life show their feelings in a physical way and not in an emotional way. Whether it is feelings of love or anger, boys Or are we talking about men? All of the switching is confusing to the reader show their feelings on a physical level more than an emotional level. This is repetitive When angered, most Not necessarily. Got any proof to back this rather blanket statement up? men get agitated and lash out in physical means such as banging or slamming their fists or hands. When saddened, Eliminate the following phrase in red; it's redundant with sorrow, most This is an unsupported assertion men will showcase their feelings in a physical way by also lashing out in anger or in an upset way. Or they may even become totally quiet and show no emotion or expression at all and just suppress their feelings altogether. When expressing their feelings of love to women in adult years of life, most men show those emotions physically and sexually, rather than showing tender and attentive emotions You mean a word more like "acts" here of love.

As you can see, boys are not the weaker sex. Young boys are brought up to be strong men without soft feelings of emotion.