i've editted this countless times. plz help me out.

plz review this. fix grammatical errors if there's any. thanks! this is the beginning. the first scene in what MIGHT turn out to be a novel. anyway, just incase you don't get it, this is what's happening in this scene.

Elle, is narrating the story. She's a four year old girl. Well, Jean keeps her company every night to make sure she sleeps. Then, one night, The New Animistas (will explain later in the story), kill off most of the residents in Section 36, her hometown. Including Jean. She cried for days until she turned blind. Before she fully turned blind, a young man adopted her. (will explain who, later in the story).

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Grey. A perfect balance of black, and white. Life, and death. Good, and evil.


Elle bounced onto the bed endearingly and leaned her back against the headboard. Jean, a woman in her twenties was at a chair by the bed. She tipped closer, pillow in one hand. The girl slanted forward, giving way for Jean to wedge the pillow behind her. The woman gave a peck on Elle's forehead before returning to the chair.
The girl turned to face the dark clouds through the window. "Sis, why is the sky always so dark?"

"Behind those clouds lies a shining star. Do you see it?" The girl shook her head. "Just cause' you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there," she smiled reassuringly. "You have to seek it."

She would stay up all night and read me stories. About how the knights protected the "Shining Star" from the "Dark Clouds". How there were trees and birds…

Those were fairy tales. Our world is dark.

The wails of her neighbours pierced her ears and shocked her eyelids open. Shaken, she began crying.

A nearby gunblast made her jump. The terrified girl looked out the window.

Outside, a kneeling teenager fell like an executed tree. His head, incomplete. The others looked away and wailed even louder the moment it hit the ground.

The executer held up the gun close to his face for him to gawk at. His eyeballs were jutting out like a demented man. "What's your name girl?"

Jean, crouching next in line, was too miserable to speak. Her body jerked uncontrollably, sniffling nearly every second.

A voice shouted from a distance, "Answer bitch!"

"J-j-j-j-j… J-j-j-j-j…"

The man crouched and stroked her face with his gun, drawing her back a little. "You're pretty."

Elle slammed both palms on the window, trying to get his attention. Tears began flowing down her cheeks. Her body jerked intermittently. The man, noticing her on his blind spot, snickered. She slammed her right palm again. Perturbed, he accidentally fired, spraying Jean's brain juice onto him and Elle's window.

Elle's head drooped as she wailed woefully. The man got up to face the window and smirk.

She was my knight. Whenever I cried, she would be there to make me smile…

Those were fairy tales. Our world is dark. She was my knight. Whenever I cried, she would be there to make me smile. If I cried enough, sis would come for me, or maybe the shining star, or maybe my knight. And so I thought.

Elle came out of her scrap-metal house, hugging her teddy bear close to her chest and sobbing into its tattered ear. Dead bodies littered the path. She cringed and rushed passed her sobbing neighbours to reach Jean.

I never stopped. I cried for days. Everything got darker and darker. until my whole world turned black. One of the last things I was able to see was this… gigantic hand…

Dark rings formed around her overdriven squinting eyes from lack of sleep. The sound of footsteps prompted her to look up and force her eyes open. She blinked her tears away, trying to focus.

Everything seemed like oil painting to her. She traced along the orange hand or fist, she could not tell, to its roots. It came from a man. Definitely not one of her neighbours. He had a devilish smile on his face.

I couldn't trust my neighbours. But I know I could trust him. The Planet spoke to me.