Once upon a time there was a little boy named Jerald. He loved ever so much to play with matches. BUT ONE DAY, Jerald had a horrible experience with matches. It all started like this:
Jerald woke up in the morning (his last morning) at 8:00 AM. He was very excited, because today was the last day of third grade as he knew it. Actually, it was just spring vacation, but it really was his last day...of life. He got dressed, put on his makeup (you know, concealer, foundation, rouge, eyeshadow, the whole bit), and went upstairs to eat breakfast. Since today was a special day, he planned to eat pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, and pizza at suppertime ('cause when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime). Now this is when his day started to tumble downhill. Because as he was eating his share of pizza in the morning, he realized, "HEY! Eating pizza in the evening and at supper time are the same thing! You can't eat pizza twice at once!" And so Jerald marched off to school without finishing his breakfast. He could not stand to eat when he was so mad at the manufacturer of Pizza Bagels.
Jerald got to his classroom at 8:30 exactly and plopped his ass down on the carpet in the back of the room with such force that it made his little tushie hurt! The teacher looked up and said, "Good to see you Jerald; you're just in time for storytime!"
"Yeah," replied Jerald, "You BETTER give me some storytime. And it better be good. Not some crappy story about faries and magic and good things. I want violence. I want pizza. I want bagels. And I want them now! I want them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I want Pizza Bagels, and goddamit, I'm gonna find them!"
Well, that was dramatic. Jerald stood up and started to storm out of the classroom. But before he could leave, the teacher said, "Be careful, dear, all that yelling is creasing your makeup." And so Jerald walked home, looking forward to the one thing that would make him happy...playing with matches. He got to his house, opened the door, and started crying, dabbing his eyes carefully with a tissue to make sure that his mascara would not run. He then took out the matches.
One by one, he gave the matches names. He played with them. Went out to parties with them. He could imagine a whole world of matches. Just...playing. There was Billy, and Monica, and Michelle. How could he forget Michelle? Her long leg, looking so perfect that it could be made of wood, her deep eyes and her beautiful red hat. Oh, how Jerald wanted to take off that hat. How he wanted to wear it as his own, a beautiful red hat on top of his head. So Jerald tried to take the hat off of Michelle. He tugged and pulled at it, but it would not come off. In an act of pure frustration, Jerald held Michelle high in the air and THREW her at the match box, hat first. (This is the part where Jerald dies.) Then, something happened that Jerald NEVER would have expected. Michelle's hat hit scraped against the surface of the match box and Michelle caught on fire! O HORRIBLE THINGS!
So Jerald jumped off a bridge. The End.
Mon 30 Aug, 2004 01:44 am - do you mean happy jumpy music or more calm music?
Summer Breeze- Seals and Crofts
Let's Spend The Night Together- Rolling Stones
Alice D. Millionaire- Grateful Dead
Here Comes The Sun-... (view)
Mon 30 Aug, 2004 01:28 am - ever heard a song that was so amazingly great that you just had to freeze the whole time and listen to it? like if you moved or took a breath the amazingness would disappear and it would never... (view)
Mon 30 Aug, 2004 12:23 am - hmmm...i'd say the best music ever would have to be......musical. there's too much to pick just one. so i will pick my list of 840 songs....just kidding. well right now i'm... (view)
Mon 30 Aug, 2004 12:12 am - do they...move? i like the satanic one.
umm yeah dont know if this whole little topics still going...but theres a website that has the britney spears thing. and some other stuff. with most of... (view)
