how can I become a oz

You sound desperate! Have you thought about Canada?

I am desperate to leave Usa but Canada
I have and I talked to a couple and they said stay in us
so I looking for A place wear I can live in peace hot or cold I do not care
so If any info please give thanks

http://www.immi.gov.au/immigration.htm

Department of Immigration

First of all, you have to learn how to whinge a lot when you lose at sport, especially Rugby.

That's rich coming from an obvious Pom. I once heard an English immigrant, during a period of extended fine weather, complain about all the blue skies and sunshine. We don't call them bloody whinging poms for nothing!!!

And one that obviously doesn't watch cricket. 5-0 hmmm?

Safest job in Oz: night watchman at a library.

Adapted from the old Ozzie libel, "safest job in England: night watchman at a soap warehouse", so don't chuck that one back at me!

just follow the yellow brick road...

Watch out BPB. This could get ugly.

Two old blokes are sat on the veranda outside a pub in a sleepy little outback town. A van pulls up and parks opposite. A bloke with a red face gets out and shouts "hello you chaps!". He goes into the shop that has stood empty for years. On his van it says "J. Smith - Taxidermist". One old Ozzie says to the other, "What's a tax-, er taxi - er, taxodomist?" "Dunno, mate" says the other. "It might be some kind of weird Pommy thing. I'll go and check him out". He goes over and has a chat with the Englishman. He comes back grinning. "It's all right, mate, he's one of us - he stuffs animals!"

Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?

A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason



Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.



Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?

A. A bat.



Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?

A. An all-rounder.



Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?

A. At least they can say they're not really English.



Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?

A. Three runs in three balls.



Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?

A. A bowler.



Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.



Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.


Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?

A. Because he was born in England.



Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?

A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.



Q. What's the English version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.



Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?

A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

My favourite, England think the name of their opening batsman is

Trescothick. b McGrath

I presume those remarks are something to do with cricket, which is some kind of sport I believe.

Yeah, well I got a good chuckle out of them.