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NEAR LIFE EXPERIENCES

 
 
Setanta
 
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 12:00 pm
I have it on good authority that Christians have many of the same characteristics as human beings. Is it true? Are they almost human? Can they actual get a life . . . and keep it?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,733 • Replies: 20
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 01:21 pm
As I understand it, humans evolved from apes and Christians were made out of mud (or ribs or brisket or something I really don't recall) so they are really different species.

And I think Christians get 2 or three lives depending on whether they are "once born" or "born again" and then that whole rapture deal. They don't need to "get a life" because they get a few shots at it. Humans only get one life. They have to get it right the first time.

See? Easy!
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Francis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 01:25 pm
Re: NEAR LIFE EXPERIENCES
Setanta wrote:
Are they almost human?


You mean they live not far from Yuma?
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TTH
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 02:06 pm
boomerang wrote:
As I understand it, humans evolved from apes and Christians were made out of mud (or ribs or brisket or something I really don't recall) so they are really different species.

And I think Christians get 2 or three lives depending on whether they are "once born" or "born again" and then that whole rapture deal. They don't need to "get a life" because they get a few shots at it. Humans only get one life. They have to get it right the first time.

See? Easy!
Now that is too funny Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 02:19 pm
That makes a lot of sense to me Boom--i guess humans get it right the first time they are born. I'm not sure where Francis is going with references to Yumans, but i was always under the impression that there was no life in Arizona.
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Francis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 02:22 pm
Well, last time I stopped there, there were some zombies around...
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 03:07 pm
Zombies must be Christians because they're kind of getting a second shot at it in a way, aren't they? Maybe zombies are like Mormons - Christians that some Christians don't consider Christian. Like a 3 Musketeers Bar - it's got the chocolate, that's easily identifiable, everyone knows chocolate but nobody really knows what the inside whippy stuff is.

See? Easy!
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 03:42 pm
I think Born Again christians are the zombies, aren't they?


But the control, while not as profound, appears to be executed with more physical finesse...I mean, they don't do as god apparently says, but they walk normally.
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Greyfan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 04:30 pm
If a Christian had a near life experience, wouldn't this lead to a conversion to humanism?
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 04:40 pm
Yuman bean is a coffee variety
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 05:50 pm
dlowan wrote:
But the control, while not as profound, appears to be executed with more physical finesse...I mean, they don't do as god apparently says, but they walk normally.


Pretty percipient observation for a mere lagomorph--sure they can walk down the street, but can they chew gum at the same time?

Boom, are there any signs to show which Christians were made from ribs, and which ones were made from the brisket?

Neo, just have another cup of that coffee and calm down . . . hmmm . . . that might not be a good plan for calming down . . .
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 06:24 pm
Well, some glad mornin' when life is over
I'll fly away
To a land where joy will never end
I'll fly away
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Eorl
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 09:50 pm
Zormons are particulary nasty. (Zombies who were Mormons when alive). Those little black ties pulled tightly into swollen green pustulant necks... and name tags clipped directly to the forth rib......spine strapped to the bicycle sissy bar.!!!!....aaarrrghhh. (They tend to collect corpse brides too.) It's all so Danse Macabre. (except they don't danse)
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 10:03 pm
Setanta wrote:

Boom, are there any signs to show which Christians were made from ribs, and which ones were made from the brisket?


You usually have to cook the brisket ones longer.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jun, 2007 10:04 pm
Makes sense . . . don't you have to build an oversize outdoor bar-b-que grill, though?
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rockpie
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jun, 2007 02:29 am
so what exactly is your problem with an actual Christian?

not somebody who says they are, but is really just a hypocrite, somebody who actually is a Christian.
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jun, 2007 02:42 am
I am working for a professor of theology and uniting church Minister tomorrow.

I'll ask his opinion of this.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jun, 2007 08:06 am
Be sure to get the low down on the barby--you wouldn't want to not have what you need when you need it, but you would also hate to lay out a bunch of cash needlessly.
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jun, 2007 08:10 am
why are there so many posts attacking Zormons on this forum?
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jun, 2007 08:15 am
They just want to think they're martyrs--all the Christians are into that, it gives them some kind of thrill, as long, of course, as they don't actually suffer.

Anyway, when i think of truly vile habits of Zormons--keeping more than one cow, keeping more than one ewe, their obsession with sow belly--i lose what little sympathy i might have worked up for them. Listen folks, those Zormons--they're just perverts.
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