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DEALING WITH ONE ANOTHER

 
 
Tartarin
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 07:07 pm
Thanks, Mods, for the help in this. I think we all lapse into a style of response after a while. I respond to posts that are frivolous or mean or disruptive with smilies or something smartass and acidic or (lately) just scroll. The "Be Nice Back" policy often works, but sometimes makes for problems too. Some do it better than others! There are also people who are deliberately disruptive, try to drive people crazy, but who also post interesting opinions. It's often difficult to engage them on their opinions without gettng entangled in their anger or scorn.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 07:36 pm
ehBeth- I messed up Sozobe's post. Sorry! Embarrassed
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 07:38 pm
Wink

Jes has a nice big red bold "CONTACT MODERATOR" in her sig line that works great. But as Phoenix has said, the simplest way (i.e. no need to look around for links) is prolly to just type in "Moderator" when sending a PM.

As an aside, the search function rocks. I use it all the time, especially to find discussions I'd lost track of.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 07:47 pm
Thanks, Phoenix. I thought i was losing it, responding to a post that wasn't there. I thought I must have jumped threads inadvertently.
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Craven de Kere
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 07:49 pm
The moderator account changed so the link soz posted wasn't functional anyway. You can now find the account on the first page of the memberlist and on every viewforum.php page.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 08:10 pm
Thanks, cdk. Memberlist I can find, so I won't worry about understanding the rest of that.
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Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 09:00 pm
Craven de Kere wrote:
Right now my focus is on "ignore" features for PMs as I think it's a no-brainer to have.


Not sure why the PM is a focus of efforts for an ignore feature. It already has one built in. When your private messages are listed, you don't have to read them, just check the boxes next to the unread messages you aren't interested in reading and click on delete.
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 09:15 pm
flutterbyenyet. thats always worked for me Wink
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Craven de Kere
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 09:27 pm
I doesn't work for me. I get more PMs a day than my inbox has capacity to hold. So the unwanted PMs are not just a matter of deleting but rather they serve to delete other PMs that may be wanted.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 09:51 pm
Yikes!
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mamajuana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Jul, 2003 09:51 pm
I can see where an ignore feature could lead to more complications than wanted.

As for the PMs - I shoud imagine that the Moderators do tend to get a lot - after all. Is it possible, Craven, to enlarge the size of your mail box? For me, I've gotten some peculiar messages, and the delete works for me. I never answer the crazy stuff - it can get very sticky.

As for stalking - a couple of times here I've felt that I was stalked, but nothing I couldn't handle. Then again, I was burned by fire in abuzz, so able seems rather gentle to me.

Scrolling is now what I do most. I am on-again off-again here, so I'm not always current (as with this thread). But Setanta, for the most part I feel rather content here, and my hat (if I had one) is off to the moderators - - - my grateful thanks.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 12:37 am
I am not attracted to the ignore button, however it would work...

given the way the moderators really moderate here, which is generally very thoughtfully, I prefer to go in that direction than with buttons and bows.
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timberlandko
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 12:46 am
Some pretty good ideas here ... I've sorta been watching this thread develop, but now I'd like to weigh in. I think what makes this site a great place to hang out is the overall sense of community. Really, thats what A2K is; an Internet Community, a Cyber-Small Town ... at least, that's how I see it. We have our various neighborhoods (though the shopping district iis sorta lacking), and there are thousands of members, hundreds of whom are frequent participants. As in any community, there will be a very small percentage of folks who "Just Don't Get It" ... fact of life. Bummer, but fact of life. Another unpleasant fact of life is that a heretofore trustworthy, reliable, amicable neighbor can suddenly "Go over the edge". The disruptors, as I see it, are of two basic types:
1) The new member who jumps right in and starts slinging flames, spamming, or engages in otherwise offensive behavior
and
2) The more established member who for whatever reason engages in an altercation with another member or members

Of these, the first is relatively insignificant ... a momentary irritation at worst. As soon as the inappropriate posts come to a moderator's attention (and yes, we certainly do appreciate your help in spotting these), the matter is dealt with.

Its the second category that is the more troublesome, and often far more difficult to deal with. First, of course, personality is involved. Even as otherwise unconcerned bystanders, all who encounter these member-on-member spats are likely to have personal perceptions of, and even emotional investments in, one or another, if not each, of the squabblers. Second, there is the disruption itself ... an enjoyable, worthwhile discussion suddenly gets hijacked, turns nasty, and just plain goes to hell in a basket, in the best case sidetracked, in the worst case ruined for everyone.

A lot of us are veterans of Abuzz, and some of us have broader experience with a variety of forums, discussion boards, and newsgroups, moderated and unmoderated. Its natural to carry with us expectations based on our prior experiences. Its also natural to form perceptions of members with whom we frequently interact, or whose interactions we encounter with regularity. We have our favorites, and there are those we could just as well do without ... just as in real life. One thing I've learned about The Internet is you can't outshout anyone, all you can hope to do is outsmart them. Frankly, it isn't realistic to just "Ignore" trolls, flamers, and other objectionable types. Yeah, you can scroll past them, sure ... but you're still affected ... bothered, inconvenienced, even outraged. Often, its worthwhile to attempt to nonjudgementally engage the culprit, suggesting an alternate course of action. Done with compassion and wit, this can work. It won't always; you could be the next target. What should be avoided, however, is encouraging the inappropriate behavior. Don't get trapped into it yourself. If reason and general good manners and goodwill don't help, CALL FOR HELP. That's what the Moderators are here for ... to MODERATE. If you come across immoderate behavior from someone who will not tone it down, the thing to do is to report the situation. Don't worry about it, don't agonize over it, don't get yourself involved in it. Sometimes a gentle reminder will calm a hothead, sometimes nothing you can do will help, or even your efforts make the situation worse. The benefit of a moderated forum is that you are not out there all alone. The Moderators are hhere to smooth things out, to put out the flames, to clean up the garbage. They're the civic infrastructure of the web community in which they function. This website, as any other, is the sum of its parts ... all of them. Do your part, which is to say just keep on doing what you do; exchange ideas, swap information, explore themes, debate positions, be serious or be silly. Enjoy yourselves, enjoy the community. If you need a cop, or if there's refuse to be hauled away, or if there's a pothole in the street, call city hall. That's what its there for.
There, I feel better now. End of rant. Please continue your normal browsing.
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snood
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 06:42 am
Very good, Timber. Although I sometimes bridle at the thought of needing "moderators" (probably an echo from my lifelong struggle with authority), experience at abuzz and knowledge of my own sometimes volatile nature makes me grateful that A2K has 'em. Yours was a thoughtful and informative post.
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Tartarin
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 06:58 am
Yeah, Timber, that's good. I'm not acquainted with the tricks of the trade which make it possible for an "ignore" function to kick in but, just as kids are give "time out" when they get impossible, I wonder whether that isn't the best way of dealing with those of us who need "time out." I share Snood's feeling, but I think much depends on a moderator's tact and precision. There have been "moderations" which have offended -- as when a moderator steps into a situation where one single disrupter has got everyone riled and blasts everyone rather than taking the disrupter aside and applying a "time out." What I am beginning to see is that most A2K'ers are sensitive to the problems and unwilling to see this site go the way of Abuzz. Having a thread of this kind (thanks, Set!) may be the best solution of all.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 08:50 am
Yer welcome, Boss. I started it because ignoring an idiot or a hateful person often does not work, and i hoped that the general good will here could find a better solution.
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sumac
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 09:16 am
Great discussion and ideas, all around. I learned under fire when I moderated the Gay and Lesbian forum on Abuzz and with the crossovers from gay.com. Different actions for different folk. You become aware of which tactic to use with whom, over time.
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Swimpy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 09:24 am
It would be helpful if a link to CONTACT MODERATOR were more prominent on the site. The only way I know to do it is to find an actual moderator and contact him or her directly. I understand this is not the preferred method. Can that link be placed in the menu line at the top of the page or on the help page?
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 09:54 am
Swimpy - they've put the moderator account onto page 1 of the memberlist - number 4 or 5 I think. Anyway, a lot easier to find now. I was having the same problem finding 'the' moderator account, and that fix is a definite help.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jul, 2003 10:25 am
You know, Swimpy, at other sites i visit, there is a "Contact a Moderator About This Post" radio button at the bottom of each post.
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