THE BRITISH THREAD II

Minstralling again Spendi..............Talking more crap???????????????

You need a holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I was slightly wrong in my forecast, and I must say ManU players earned their corn tonight with a very spirited performance. No mean feat to score three goals against a top Italian team like Milan.

I find holidays exceedingly tiresome. So little of interest exists where the dark undercurrents are obscure as they obviously must be for visitors. They tend to consist of a succession of forced treats interrupted by periods in strange beds and all jollied along with alcoholic beverages and cabaret music. And the longer they last the more boring they become. I tried two weeks on the Isle of Islay many years ago. I was back home by the first Wednesday.

Strange choice. Next, why not try St Kilda or St Helena?

I hear there's a boozer on the Falklands.

And I heard that if you didn't shag their sheep they started sulking and the mutton shoulders tasted bitter.

well approximately 3 hours after everyone else, I've just watched Utd Milan "live". What entertainment! What defense. Yes what defense?

And Rooney's winning last minute winning goal! 'nuff to make one sleep well.

Ronaldo amazing as usual. He's not show boating, thats the way he plays football, and bloody effective it is too.

Pathos...you and Spendissimus would make a good double act. There is a theatre in the middle of the Amazon jungle at Manaus.

Steve wrote-



A two goal leaker to be precise.

Are you suggesting Steve that I should be banished to the jungles. Almost every pub discussion about football touches on, and sometimes focuses on, the subject of Old Trafford/ Friendly refs. I am not alone by a long shot.

Did you boo when Bassuto was carried off?

Yes. But I'll loan you a wi-fi enabled laptop so you can still participate on a2k.

Bassuto? Is he the bloke who's fractured tibia was set and the bone knitted together effecting a complete recovery in the time it took the stretcher to get from the pitch to touch line?

And you still havent commented on Shrek's marvellous strike. (Actually I think he is looking more and more like Desperate Dan).

Steve-

Are you writing from Duloc?

I presume though that you mean Wayne-the boy wonder. The Scouse Potato. He must be a bit thick to stay working like a madman (try Premiership training sometime) with the dough he's got. He must have a thing about the limelight or be driven by the hand that rocks the cradle. If I had his money you wouldn't see me for dust. I would take a proper trip round the world. I would do a research project in pubs like the one I go in.

Panchez would have been appalled. Possibly disgusted. Behaving completely contrary to the strict laws of evolution is a very serious matter. It can cause all sorts of unfortunate conditions as I believe the real Shrek would confirm.

But the factors associated with a lumpy boot, wind, bobbly ground and an imperfect ball mean that there is an element of luck as a darter will tell you when he hits the bull first go. It was there at that moment, the luck, but I have seen plenty of occasions when it wasn't. Good timing. It impressed the ones who want to be impressed.

You invent your own scenario for the Bassuto assault. Nobody claimed he had a broken leg. All we do know is that he was kicked out of the game and he was the lynchpin of their defence. That's all I know anyway.

Were you one of those who would have booed a man on a stretcher without knowing he hadn't a broken leg. And they didn't. They just asserted he was time wasting. Probably because their own team are good at it when they're in front.

Its good to know that Brit sports arent any more sane than ours.
WE just had "Bat Day" at the Phillies game (theytr on a 4 game winning streak).

You go into the ball park and are screened for clippers, posket knives and home brews and then, when you got inside, they hand you a big louisville slugger baseball bat.

Good for use against the carabinieri.

Okay I'm off to watch the scousers tank the cockneys.

they are all chelsea here. Except a polish boy who supports liverpool. Landlord is Boro. Rest of em are Arsenal. Except the intelligent ones who appreciate good football, they support Man U. Or Preston North End. One woman is married to a bloke (yes a bloke) who supports Tottenham Hotspur.

Its on in HD. Lets hope there are some gruesome injuries.

Spendy...you dont understand about football. Its not about the beautiful game. Its about going bonkers for an hour or two.

Steve-

Get yourself on at £50 a goal. See what bonkers is really like in a 0-1, 0-2,0-3, 1-3, 2-3, 3-3, 4-3. (Fantasise). You'd be prostrate. (No distasteful jokes please).

The other stuff is due to hypnosis. A sort of weaving of the wind.

fm- as you're on-

Is the newness of the ball a factor in baseball. Do they change it and if so when.

How often do pitchers get injured.

Do they have opening bats and middle orders and tailenders who keep their place for another skill.

Does every batter intend to slog every pitch into the crowd with what we call at cricket a "cow shot" or an "ignorant swipe".

SPENDI


You don't really expect anyone amongst these pages to take you serious do you? You exacerbate your own self imposed primeval condition, simply by bringing the pub into it.

What pub? A Yorkshire house of ill repute down some condemned back street, the same location you were mentioning some months since? Didn't a young filly pop in with a low cut blouse on and didn't you tell us all how you stood at the end of the bar hand down your front playing with a semi limp dick?

We would have had you certified, sectioned and impregnated with heavy medication. How on earth can you tell us on these pages how you carry on in that god-forsaken county and then fetch football discussions into it ?

Who amongst these pages would listen to a roomful of degenerate, geriatric wankers on the pop?

There are time 'old lad' when I consider strongly that if your brain matter were converted to nitro-glycerine there would be insufficient power to make your ears pop.

It is a grave mistake my little cocklecarrot to "consider strongly" anything of however grave an import it might seem. The experts at such things are the babies. They consider everything strongly.

Have you not seen the gallows scene in Pennies From Heaven or the cruxifiction scene in Salammbo.

Blokes with hair on their balls don't consider anything remotely like "strongly". They may mull one or two things over casually with a sort of disinterested equivocation accompanied with a shrug, like Proust did, but "strongly" suggests something intense and lacking in proportion. a sort of "thrumming".

A perfectly fair question. One deserving an answer.

Well I always did. I listened a lot to the grown ups in pubs and clubs and racecourse bars and such like places wherein a young man may get a proper education.

Young people of today are brought up to think they are so good at everything, in praise of the parental genetic material, that they have come to think they are and have concluded, as one might, that they know everything and thus cease learning anything ever again. In polite discourse they take turns telling everyone what they know but in the pub late on they all do it at once and in much louder declamation techniques.

This is all very well when it comes to things like when to plant the lettuce seeds because they have arranged specialist experts to do that now and as long as there are enough volunteers to fulfill each such function they can afford to not take any notice of anybody else and especially not any
degenerate, geriatric wankers on the pop or even off it.

But man does not live by bread alone. And I accept that he seems to be trying to. But that provides no reason for you to ask me who on here may be listening because you know I don't know and neither do you. Assuming it's a rhetorical sarcasm implying that nobody is listening it then is a unjustifiable assertion based on the completely unjustifiable premiss that everybody thinks like you.

I explained to one young lady last night about the expert management of facial hair by Terry Thomas and Jimmy Edwards types who play bowls at Torquay in striped blazers and straw boaters (The Barber of Seville)contrasting their styles with those of the mullahs of the Orient. She was listening. Stifling giggles which proved too difficult on the ear-waggling training course curriculum tour-de-force.

And I got one young lady to Google up A2K on her mobile phone thingy and it said "Highly regarded American debate forum" or some such. I felt a rosy glow. That took about 15 minutes, I nearly gave up, during which time she not only listened but obeyed my every word, or tried to with her purple fingernails jutting out like knife points.

I hope nobody listened to your horseracing predictions.

This certainly helps, if one spent his youth listening to the ramblings of degenerate, geriatric wankers on the pop, it would necessarily follow that he would know little difference. This is some form of inbred disease you have then Spendi.

All these young ladies you appear to be able to pull out of a hat when your ramblings become indefensible, my my my how fortunate they are to have King Spendi in the bar. It would have taken some 20 - 30 minutes to get around to an A2k page on a mobile, assuming her battery was fully charged that is.

The premier lady must have been enthralled listening to you warbling on and on and on and on about Terry Thomas and Jimmy Edwards playing bowls at Torquay. How impressive you must have come across to her, she wasn't deaf and dumb by any chance was she?

The latter kneeling before you hanging onto every word.

A candy coloured clown they call the sandman
Tiptoes to my room every night
Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper
Go to sleep everything is alright.


In dreams, in beautiful dreams.

You tosser!

I only responded as I thought fitting to Steve's request. I am surely entitled to defend myself on the sly accusation that I don't get listened to.

If my reply irritated you I consider that a considerable bonus.

I did not know how quickly her battery would run down which in itself, assuming she knew, shows how much she was interested.

I said that the first young lady, one of the barmaids actually,was stifling giggles not always successfully so how on earth could she be deaf and dumb you silly sod.

And you have also invented the latter, fancy speaking of a young lady so derisorily, in the kneeling position and hanging on my every word, neither of which is true, more the reverse actually. Which is cheating.

So you're a silly,lying, scumbag by your own admission.

As for the Orbison quote- it has no hair on its balls. It's rock-a-bye baby stuff.

"They say prayer has the power to heal so pray for me, mother,
In the human heart an evil spirit can dwell
I'm a-tryin' to love my neighbour and do good unto others
But oh, mother, things ain't goin' well."

That's hair on the balls.