THE BRITISH THREAD II

Ah Well!

I suppose it takes all kinds.

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spendius wrote:

Mac-

I identify with urchins as I was once one myself ...

dont know whether to laugh or cry (laughing)

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well spendy you've made a friend in smorgs.

I'm pleased.

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I was just trying to cheer her up. She's not been so good of late and has even been forced to temporarily give up meeting the unemployed.

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spendius wrote:

I was just trying to cheer her up. She's not been so good of late and has even been forced to temporarily give up meeting the unemployed.

professionally

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spendius wrote:

Generally fart at the normal rate for a gentleman of my size and lifestyle which is 37 /day, according to a recent survey in the Church Times, although they do tend to arrive in bursts of 6 or 7 and occasionally more with periods of quiescence in between which, according to the survey, is rather decorous compared to pink chubbies who eat a lot of cakes and sticky toffee puddings who can reach the high 80s if the ten second motorboaters are counted as one.

If this is so then the average church service, congregation say 40 in number and lasting for 90 minutes, must contain about 120 farts. More, if you consider they take place mostly after Sunday breakfast, a not insubstantial meal in most households.

No wonder the glass is stained.

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Oh, just shut it, you lot.

Juvenile codgers.

(smorgs goes to bed sulking).

AND I'm on Lemsips!

I get a lot of shtick on this thread, AND I'm a woman... you should show me some respect!

x

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Mac wrote-

Quote:

If this is so then the average church service, congregation say 40 in number and lasting for 90 minutes, must contain about 120 farts. More, if you consider they take place mostly after Sunday breakfast, a not insubstantial meal in most households.

That's why Catholics don't eat before communion you silly moo. Catholics are not daft.

And it is why those who are not going to communion sit at the back which is as far as you can get from the altar but not far enough to have the collection plate out of reach.

It's why James Joyce said that Protestantism was incoherent nonsense whereas Catholicism was at least coherent nonsense.

Atheism being a complete nono for obvious reasons.

And I've seen masses done and dusted in 15 minutes.

And anyway- nobody in their right mind would fart in the presence of a statue of the Virgin Mary. Not even a silent one.

There's a well known story of a titled gent who banished himself from the Court for fifteen years because he farted in the presence of QE1. When he finally bottled up to return She greeted hin with "Pity about the fart eh?"

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And that's tame compared to another story I know about a courtier farting in the presence of the Queen of China during the Ming dynasty.

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Just a reminder Spendius, did you read where Ricky Ponting's magnificient eleven won the One Day Cricket Series against India with still 2 games to play?

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I don't care for cricket, but I don't mind watching edited highlights on TV, especially if there are some funny bits.

Morning, all.

I hope miss Smorgs is feeling a bit better this morning, but I expect it's too soon yet for that.

What a day of sport we have in prospect for tomorrow.

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smorgs wrote:

I wonder what spends does in the day...?

I wouldn't like to hazard a guess what anyone does during the day, but I must admit to having a mental image of how various people here on able2know look.

Please or offend, this is what springs to mind.

1. McTag conjures up an image of Van Morrison.

2. Steve 4100 is a stick thin librarian, very much into tweed, packed lunches and keeping fit.

3. For Mathos, just think Brian Blessed.

4. Dorothy Parker is a power dresser, with big hair and shoulder pads.

5. Smorgs is a sort of cross between Sylvia Saint and Nora Batty.

6. and Spendius is basically Gordon, the boffin who accompanies Ray Meers and explains the chemical compounds and nutritional values of various wild roots.

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Dead right for me.

And this week I 'ave been mostly listening to Eric Clapton, Peter Green and Freddy King.

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I missed the show on radio 2 last night, McTag. I tuned into Question Time and thought I'd watch half an hour or so before turning on the radio, and woke an hour later, chin covered with dribble and another programme on the box.
I will try their website later, to see if it's available for replay.

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Sylvia Saint the porn star?

(I had to look it up in Wikip, honest

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silvia_Saint)

I'd better not offer any comment. Nora Batty is not too flattering, though.

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What I mean is that she can manage to somehow come across as a bit naughty, even when she's having a grumble about everyday stuff. :wink:

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Maybe I should've chosen Elsie Tanner.

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Better she than Lilian Bellamy (née Archer) :wink:

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Haughty? Moi?

I'm the least haughty personage in the whole wide world - silly boy!

I'm warm and kind.

I'm in work and feeling dreadful.

x

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Doowop wrote:

I missed the show on radio 2 last night, McTag. I tuned into Question Time and thought I'd watch half an hour or so before turning on the radio, and woke an hour later, chin covered with dribble and another programme on the box.
I will try their website later, to see if it's available for replay.

It will be - on 'listen again'. I'll be tuning in.

x

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THE BRITISH THREAD II

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