THE BRITISH THREAD II

Mornin' everyone!

Expect you've been up for hours, spends...

You being in training and everyfink.

Do you get an NVQ certificate at the end?

x

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Morning smorgie.

Smooch

Cuppa tea love?

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smorgs wrote:

Did you enjoy it?

Was going to get tickets but the reviews put me off, and it was supposed to be overly long.

x

King Cotton? Yes, enjoyed it. I think the critics were wrong. Too sniffy by half, they don't understand northern culture. The audience last night were very warm, they loved t.

I think too it could successfully go transatlantic. Being partly about America and the Civil War, I think it would play as well in Savannah and Charleston as in Salford and Chorley.

It's going to Liverpool next week. You can see the "Blood Brothers" antecedents. We'll see if Willy Russell has another hit on his hands.

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smorgs wrote:

Doowop wrote:
I see you're from Manchester, smorgs. I've heard that the weather there is very much like the muslims in Iraq. Partly sunni, but mainly shiite. Is that true?

...can't tell in me Burqa.

x

I hope it's made of gore tex then, just in case.

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spendius wrote:

Doowop, which I'm not sure I like the sound of, wrote-

Quote:
I get enough argument during the working day, so I would prefer to keep out of extra curricular spats.

Listen- I have an idea. You'll like it I think.

If you have been arguing all day, outside of comfort breaks, you could tell us what the arguments were about, the best one maybe, to start off with I mean, and we could argue it out on here and settle it for you.

You could agree with your colleagues to agree to defer today's arguments until tomorrow, on the general principle that what you can put off until tomorrow is always worth putting off, and you could come on here at a time that suits your convenience, and tell us and we would settle it and then there would be no need for you to argue about it once we had settled it and you could spend all day humpback riding and cucumber swishing.

If you missed arguing with such a sudden withdrawal, as I envisage. you could come on here and easily get one going by saying how much you admire Mathos and his bravery and toughness or that Jocks are pillocks and can't play football and their national dish is shite or that the smoking ban in pubs is a wonderful thing, or otherwise, or that Prince is a prancing, preening pretentious prick or that the unemployed are the salt of the earth or that Manchester United rely on 12 points being handed to them by referees in return for not being thumped or that the recent problems in the financial market are nothing but a little local difficulty blown out of all proportion by media and its lickspittals and lackeys.

Any of those would do if you missed arguing all day as a result of my procedure.

If you prefer instead a reasoned discussion you might raise the subject of whether stopping smoking is linked to problems associated with creeping downstairs to look in the fridge in the middle of the night and an economic upturn at deli-counters.

Don't mention God though. He's off limits.

I'm so sorry that you don't like the sound of my name, Spendius. I'm glad I didn't read your post before I went to bed, as I would have had a sleepless night, just worrying about the whole thing.

I think I'd prefer to go down the "reasoned discussion" route from time to time, as I secretly enjoy a bit of argy bargy during the day, and if I suddenly turned all reasonable on the workforce, they would only take advantage.

As far as the smoking/fridge/deli subject is concerned, I somehow manage to keep my local deli afloat single handedly, despite being a smoker who has no intention of quitting. I tried once, but was thoroughly miserable for four weeks or so. Everyone told me that it would get better, but to my mind it just got worse. I'd rather lop several years off the back end and be a reasonable human being, than live 'til I'm 90 with a permanent scowl and a constant need to twiddle or potter, just to pass the time.

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TO ALL MY BRITISH, IRISH AND SCOTTISH FRIENDS,

Please have some sweets here

Smile

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Doowop wrote-

Quote:

As far as the smoking/fridge/deli subject is concerned, I somehow manage to keep my local deli afloat single handedly, despite being a smoker who has no intention of quitting. I tried once, but was thoroughly miserable for four weeks or so. Everyone told me that it would get better, but to my mind it just got worse. I'd rather lop several years off the back end and be a reasonable human being, than live 'til I'm 90 with a permanent scowl and a constant need to twiddle or potter, just to pass the time.

Right on. Smokers of the world unite.

Don't forget though that the twiddling and pottering very often involves the conversion of large amounts of harmless underground fossil fuels into a noxious belching of a mixture of poisonous substances into all public places, an addictive dependence on people who do not share our worldview and a constant and unremitting concentration on the self and it's ridiculous doings which results in a conversational style which is driving even non-smokers out of the pub.

We smokers were holding social discourse together. The overall plan being to get everybody sat at home watching telly like Big Brother recommended and buying their alcohol from the supermarkets where it is cheaper but highly unsatisfactory due to there being no barmaids flesh to gawp at, no opportunities to meet new people and thus expand one's horizons and having to experience the joys of a cheap and nasty air freshener which was chosen by third parties for its shooing properties.

It will be interesting to see what the under 50s do when faced with 30 million insatiable, boring and restless pensioners whinging and whining and exploiting cynically their capacity to decide every election and Medicorps companies pandering to them in the Grand National Ratings Chase in such a manner as to inculcate a sense of righteousness and even saintliness in the silly buggers.

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I think that every town should have both smoking and non smoking pubs. Smoking pubs are for smokers and those, including staff, who are non smokers but choose to drink/work there.
Then, during the dull post xmas/new year fortnight, they should all get together and see who had what takings for the previous year. If, for example, the smoking pubs took 60% of the total, then 60% of the pubs should allow smoking for the following year, until the next review is carried out. Of course, it could work the other way.
That way, both parties are fully aware of the status of certain pubs and can make their own choices accordingly.

I'm pretty certain that if a pub in my neck of the woods was allowed to let people smoke, it would do a roaring trade from day one, regardless of whether it was an old fashioned drinker or one of those awful country club style outfits.

The non smokers could then frequent the other three pubs in town and enjoy seeing the barstaff picking their noses, whilst also being able to hear the whines coming from chef and co the kitchen, declaring how bored they all are.

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Christ we've got another Spendy here.

I think smokers should be exterminated at age 50 if they haven't died first, because they will be a self-inflicted and unjustifiable burden on the health service and they smell horrible if they sit next to you on the bus.

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Wonderful. We are on our way.

All we need do now is get Mr Cameron to promise to adopt Doowop's very reasonable and fair compromise, compromise being a uniquely British attribute, apart from bloody roundhead puritan asswipes, in his election manifesto and we'll piss it.

I'm not sure I would fancy taking much notice of Flanders and Swann when there's an uppity unmarried daughter with a small child involved. Had I been Mr Cameron's ear whisperer I might have hissed "You should keep your legs together dear until the contract has been signed and tied up with pink lace and sanctified by a representitive of our God.

Obviously, he would have had the whole media establishment down upon his neck had he parroted my whisper forth into the world but it fits in with his touted family policy. After all, what woman in her right mind is going to shackle herself to a bloke if there are no disincentives for eschewing the privilege. Judging by some of the stuff I've seen the ones who do are in it for the wedding splurge, with the attendant attention and Valentine card type romance orchestrated by an army of artisans intent on avoiding building material handling and **** shifting, and have few intentions of taking it beyond a certain point.

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smorgs wrote-

Quote:

sussy
spendy
superfluous
spendie
spandex
gurumasala
susperia
spendaholic

A bugger by any other name...

You missed out "spurious" ,"splendi", "splendiforous" and a few others I can't remember. "Suspenders"-- how could I forget that?

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Mac ,thrumming like a twanged ruler, wrote-

Quote:

I think smokers should be exterminated at age 50 if they haven't died first, because they will be a self-inflicted and unjustifiable burden on the health service and they smell horrible if they sit next to you on the bus.

It is a totally unjustified assertion that smokers are a burden on non-smokers. It is a dogma rote learned from the organs of the liberal leftie coke-snorting consensus which has a captive audience of people who it flatters into thinking that they know all about how pyramids were built from an hour of watching free-loaders on holiday explain it to them in short sentences constructed from a limited vocabulary and who then feel empowered to come in the pub and explain it to us. Next night Evolution gets the treatment. Artificial intelligence being put together before your very eyes. You don't create artifical intelligence with bits of wire and valves. You go the other way round and work on non-smokers.

It is an untestable dogma too. The many benefits of smoking, some of which are listed in J.M. Barrie's book, My Lady Nicotine, are of a spiritual nature and thus not suitable for the consideration of the accountancy profession, which is capable anyway of arriving at any answer that is required of it.

Actually, Doowop's notions, which need a little tuning, would probable affect the housing market as well. Houses within strolling distance of smoking pubs would command a premium and an uprating of the area around it.

I can see Mac frequenting a smoking pub near his house simply to put value on both.

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McTag wrote:

Christ we've got another Spendy here.

I think smokers should be exterminated at age 50 if they haven't died first, because they will be a self-inflicted and unjustifiable burden on the health service and they smell horrible if they sit next to you on the bus.

Well, there's a logical, reasoned argument. As for smelling horrible on the bus, don't shout too loud or Gordy Brrrune will have a go at banning the use of garlic.
A smoker on a pack a day is giving at least £4 straight to the government. £28 a week, £1400 or thereabouts a year. If he's been smoking for forty years and then needs repairing in hospital, then it's only fair that they dip into the £56,000 that he's paid in tax, over and above what a non smoker pays in. No?

I'd like to hear why you are so up in arms about my "ideal world" solution regarding the pubs, McTag.
Maybe you're afraid that you'll end up having to make do with the grotty pub down at the end of town, as all the others have reverted to letting people have a choice in the matter, and market forces have dictated the situation?
Usually, and correct me if I'm wrong, there's nothing more righteous and dictatorial than an ex smoker.
Are you an ex?

In all honesty, I can easily do without a tab for an entire evening, if I have to. It's the nanny state thing that gets my goat.

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Quote:

And I lost my heart to a Galway girl.

James Joyce did that. Name of Nora Barnacle. His father said that she would stick to him. Which she did despite the exceedingly merry and oftimes tragic dance he led her through.

I daresay Steve Earle's lyrics owe something to JJ. I hope so. JJ smoked cheroots whilst teaching English to rich foreigners. Blew smoke rings into the shafts of sunlight coming through the still air.

Fancy never being able to blow smoke rings. Life is hardly worth living if you can't blow a few smoke rings. When I was good at it I could blow a large rolling diffused one and then a series of tight titchy ones chasing each other through it.

There's nannies and there's Nannies. My Nannie used to unbutton her.... oh never mind. Like the Tobacco Lady in Amarcord.

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To Spendi

Seminar For Gurus In Training

FYI.

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McTag wrote:

Christ we've got another Spendy here.

I think smokers should be exterminated at age 50 if they haven't died first, because they will be a self-inflicted and unjustifiable burden on the health service and they smell horrible if they sit next to you on the bus.

MUCKTY!!!!! Shocked

How can you go to lunch with me again if I'm terminated?

I thought that post was VERY harsh!

When were you last on the bus?

Now you're going to say you get the bus when you go to the pub to DRINK, you don't need me to tell you that alcohol causes infinitely more social ills than smoking!

That was tartan hyprocrasy!

They have banned smoking from everywhere you wanted, for eff's sake, Muckty.

There's plenty of people that stink up the bus, and not fag smoke. I should know, I've been on public transport loads more than you have!

x

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dadpad wrote:

Morning smorgie.

Smooch

Cuppa tea love?

Awww...

Missed this, DP. Must have left for work.

Thanks, chuck...

No sugar.

x

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smorgs wrote:

There's plenty of people that stink up the bus, and not fag smoke. I should know, I've been on public transport loads more than you have!

To which of these were you referring especially?

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All of 'em stink to high heaven.

x

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Oh dear, what can the matter be?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_yorkshire/7004943.stm

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THE BRITISH THREAD II

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