Culture Clash at Home

From the SUSTAINABILITY NETWORK UPDATE - No 63


This ?'morsel', stimulated by conversation with a local friend, is a composite of her and our recent experiences with hosting houseguests in ?'green' homes. E.G.H.
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Who would have anticipated that adoption of voluntary simplicity and low-impact living strategies could have such an impact on hospitality in the home! We are learning the hard way that rejection of consumerism can produce major stress, even alienation, among family members and friends, particularly at Christmas - that over-the-top festival of commercial consumption.

We feel ?'put-down' when family houseguests shower each other with expensive commercial presents, rave about them in ways that clearly equate expenditure with love, and then look down on the different way we attempt to express our giving in practical, non-consumerist ways.

We resent watching houseguests daily luxuriate, without a thought, in 10-minute hot showers, when we have carefully limited our water use to a tiny fraction of what they are using in order to live on rainwater and solar heating alone. We have to bite our tongues to avoid lecturing them about the need to not flush the toilet after ?'minor' visits, even though it is explained very politely by the little sign on the toilet tank.

Mindful of our own actions to stay within the energy budget of the solar PV cells on our roof, we fret about lights, fans, radios, computers and television left on when not in use, and at the frivolous overuse of electrical appliances in the kitchen - like kettlefuls of water boiled for a single cup of tea, the oven heated full-bore just to "touch up" a couple of bread rolls, and the refrigerator door left hanging open until the temperature sensor beeps in outrage.

It's annoying to have a guest look into the fridge at a stack of fresh home-grown, fresh-picked veggies and say in an incredulous voice "Have you got anything nice to eat, like pizza or something?"

And we dread the sort of conversation that starts out "Let's go for a drive" or "Let's go to … … (fifty-plus km away). When trying to limit our transport emissions to just the bare essential minimum, we are stressed by the use of our car for amusement or just to relieve boredom.

Did I hear you say "Well - explain the ?'rules' of the house!"? We do try to explain the principles we live by and the reasons for them. This tactic, however, seems simply to divide guests into two camps. On the one hand, are those who say "Oh - that makes a lot of sense", and then give it their best shot; on the other, are those who look at us in disbelief and give us various versions of "Well, I don't believe in all that silly green stuff. You can stick to your own weird values but let me get on with it the way I'm used to."

We have no problem with the first group. They are welcome in our home at any time. But, needless to say, having members of the latter camp in the house is a very stressful experience, even when we try to be hospitable. They put us in mind of the old proverb - ?'Fish and houseguests go off after three days.' Ultimately, of course, what sends houseguests ?'off' is selfish refusal to quietly and gently adapt to the customs of the house they are visiting - green or not. Considerate, adaptable houseguests don't go "off".

We love houseguests who visit us to enjoy meaningful conversations, the ?'little stuff' of living together, and the interspersed quiet spaces of silent, easy companionship. We are hopeless hosts for those who
would rather tool around the district in cars, ?'shop till they drop' at the local mall, or eat junk food at every meal! Sadly enough, family and friendships, like society, can experience the great, green, cultural divide.

When ?'green' penetrates the inner core of your being, a gulf opens to divide you forever from those who live comfortably and enthusiastically in the current status-quo. That this alienation can separate family and friends is the sad part of choosing low-impact living. Hopefully, as public realisation grows of the challenges ahead, we might find more of our family members and long-time friends over on the green side of the divide.
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