Two things about nimh

Excellent! Not the strongest position by any stretch of the imagination, but 100 times better than saying or doing nothing at all. The magic is in the mystery and the give and take. Teach yourself to let your attraction be known overtly enough to put it on the table and then file it until some sign of it being mutual becomes apparent. Nothing stirs excitement more than the unknown when it comes to a potential partner's feelings toward you. Consider your own feelings and know that everyone is as susceptible to mystery as you are. It is simple human nature. That which we don't know if we can have is much more exciting than that we know we can.

Don't you believe it, Nimh. This is so common it's almost a Pre-Rec many women go through in deciding TO get with a man. The statement itself is evidence that the thought has crossed her mind with some consideration (Mine your own memory for such statements and subsequent opposing results). Dude has displayed a uniqueness which, in itself, is attractive. He's not just the thousandth man this week who told her she's pretty.

I'd also take notice that she chose to say this to YOU... and consider the possibility she's saying it for YOU to hear (that the other guy is NOT what she wants). Propping him up is good (shows confidence... which is attractive) as long as you don't do so by putting yourself down (shows lack of confidence... which is unattractive).

If our heads could actually identify what our hearts wanted and fell for, we'd all be happily married early on. Why, for instance, do I still feel an arousing sensation when a pretty, half in the bag 22 year old exaggeratedly gives me a hug and kiss and tells me she loves me (friendship meaning) in the familiar drunken way? (just happened a couple hours ago when I went to the bar across the street for some smokes). I've no interest there, and have expressed as much... but don't I?

Listen between the lines, while observing facial expressions and body language data while someone tells you "I could never go for him... he's very nice, etc" and I'll think you'll see that the words aren't the truth as often as not. Eyes are the window to the soul and sometimes allow you to peer right in if you're paying attention. You can't just listen with your ears.

Social skills mirror sales skills insofar as you can learn infinitely more from successes than you can from failure. Putting your finger on the ingredients that resulted in success is difficult enough and it's damn near impossible to accurately identify the reasons for failure. Too often, failure has absolutely nothing to do with anything you've said or done... and therefore makes lousy criteria to try and learn from.

I love it that you're endeavoring to jump the first hurdle as a way of life. I am confident you'll be reaping the rewards in short order, as I consider you a fascinating man and have no doubt the ladies will too, with increased frequency, if given a chance. With your brainpower and deep-down benevolence, you should be a formidable competitor for most eligible in most every setting. Enjoy the adventure!

Is your friend's attitude fairly typical of Hungarian women of her age?

What would she consider a "real man"? Some sort of neanderthal, or something ....? :wink:

If this is the prevailing attitude of young women there, it sounds a depressing environment for someone who doesn't want to pretend they're Tarzan.

OK, so, homegirl had politely declined the invitation to go to the movies and instead we settled on meeting today at 6.. i'd help her with her cv and stuff and we'd hang out. fair enough. But she cancelled this morning, by text|sms - "something had come in between", and also, "next week is very stressy" so she doesnt know when we can meet.

Ggrrrr.

Well, whatever.

Instead went to a little "fondue-party" of a friend of 'Susannah's', seven or eight of us, it was very cosy. Plus i could follow most all of the conversation now. Still dont know enough hungarian to actually, like, chip in (more than every once in a while), but tonight i could understand what the conversation was about practically throughout the evening. Also, they're all just really nice people, and afterward we went dancing at this kinda-squatted place where the DJ spinned anything from cheesy 1970s Hungarian soul and James Brown to jungle and dancehall and even some old 2-step, and it was cool.

But I'm still bummed. The hanging out/having fun part doesnt seem so much a problem anymore right now (I actually had to skip another party to go to this one) - but - the women thing? I think I just dont get it.

Oh, remember that girl I occasionally see at the coffeeplace I always go to, that I left a little new years present for? Was just three tiny boxes with something cute in each. She doesnt really speak English either so our chats are brief when we run into each other, but nice, and we're always just kinda smiling at each other, or I imagine so. Anyway, I'd written my email somewhere in a corner, and she did send back a short, but nice email coupla days ago to say thanks, that the present was very nice, that she was surprised and that it was very kind of me. I wrote back a short email in Hungarian, who knows.

I still cant shake this feeling that I'm just .. invisible. Or, instead, perhaps, that theres something fundamental I'm not getting right that has women who do at first blush seem to think I'm cute disappear again at second take. And the thing is, Ive never been a Don Juan or anything, but Ive never just run dead like this, for so long. Still sucks.

So yesterday there was this guy ahead of me in line at Raley's grocery store. Indeed, I'd noticed him prior to that, in the veggie section, as in, I was walking in the vicinity of an interesting person.
When we were in line, he suggested I go ahead, as I had about twelve items in contrast to his, oh, 80. But I was in no hurry, except we both had in mind to beat the snow. We ended up talking about the chance this gave me to read the National Enquirer and similar publications, and where could one get a New Yorker around here. He was, guessing, 34. I am, for sure, 65. I would have thought he was neat, when I was in his age range - well, I still do.

So, just pretend the lady is 65... and talk, since it doesn't matter with such a person... (kidding - but there is a nonchalance that follows from non-import).

Well, I don't mean that either, just talking here. Seems you did fine at that last party.