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I have only a month to live, 27 days actually.

 
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:17 am
Maybe island feasts are not for me. It was a thought anyway.
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Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:26 am
My deepest condolences, Joe. I will mourn your passing.

They aren't cannibals, are they? You might get slowly roasted over an open spit, nicely basted in your own juices. Shocked
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Chaplin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:32 am
I'm wondering if Joe(onthespit)Nation returned to the scene of his crime, would anybody recognize him?
0 Replies
 
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:42 am
We're gonna miss you, Joe. But I want you to know that I, for one, think you are doing absolutely the right thing. And don't worry too much about the last meal. I'll bet those Mayans have already made plans about that. (BTW, that is strong stuff they smoke, isn't it? You're still on, huh?)
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:46 am
Joe
I just wrote a letter to President Bush asking him to intercede on your behalf by including you in his illegal immigration amnesty program. I'll let you know when he replies.

BBB
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:47 am
Re: Joe
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:
I just wrote a letter to President Bush asking him to intercede on your behalf by including you in his illegal immigration amnesty program. I'll let you know when he replies.

BBB


Waiting-----waiting-----toe tapping-----waiting.

BBB Sad
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 10:59 am
Icarus marking:

http://www.artchive.com/artchive/m/matisse/icarus.jpg
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BlaiseDaley
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 11:32 am
Since the natives have been so long in isolation, can't you sneeze on them or something? Also, not knowing their openess to logical debate, can't you tell them if there was only one bird left, they were pretty much SOL anyway?

Another thought, as a way to buy time, ask for something refrigerated.

Finally, as another option, perhaps you could go conquistador on their asses and wipe the whole bunch out.
0 Replies
 
Chaplin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 12:05 pm
Blaise, You have a good point, but it might have been possible to evolve into a new species by mating with something else! Joe(thebird)Nation. LOL
0 Replies
 
Dizzy Delicious
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 12:07 pm
edgarblythe wrote:
Many would like to go out stoned.


Only the gutless would choose this method. Sad
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Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 01:04 pm
The Xozyeoni-woohoo was only found on the one island, a large flightless bird which had one compelling aspect, it apparently could live for over three hundred years all the time sprouting huge feathers. The people, in their language "Zthatzne" meaning "Us", they have no other name for themselves, have incredibly long song-poems detailing the lives of individual Xozyeoni-woohoo, but the last recorded new birth was made in 1794 by one Christos de la Virve, a passing ship's doctor. This notation was later passed on to a young Charles Darwin, but he left the note in an overcoat which was later given to the Salvation Army.

I still think it is my duty to show up ready for whatever the fates provide.

I've made my plane reservations and have a hotel room with a view of the Gulf. If it is a clear day I may be able to see Isla Mujes shimmering in the distance.

Joe(I'll need to rent a rubber floaty)Nation
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BlaiseDaley
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 01:27 pm
Joe, all I can say is the manner in which you're bearing this huge responsibility is both heartbreaking and admirable. Truly, there are others I wish would be so forthright in meeting their makers, post haste.

Given the time you've spent on the island, and the insights you've gained, it would be awful to lose this knowledge so, purely in the interests of science and sociology, are the women cute? I reckon the place should be pretty safe for the rest of us after you've bitten the one, or the big one has bitten you, so any tips on getting along with the natives would be most appreciated.

Cheers
0 Replies
 
BlaiseDaley
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 01:31 pm
Hey, Joe, not being one to tell you how to handle your business, but this pretty much seems like a one way trip you're embarking upon and I think you could get tagged with some pretty hefty late fees rental a floaty thingie: might be best to buy.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 02:10 pm
Right you are, B, that is why I'm putting everything on my American Express Card. It comes due on the fifth long after I'll will have become so much seagull bait.

It will be up to the lawyers and the estate planners to work out the bills.


Quote:
are the women cute?


There has been some obvious effects of inbreeding, but sometimes a nice jutting forehead can be considered attractive. I should mention that there are fourteen Zthatzne left, seven women, four children, two men and one individual of indeterminate sex. Of the seven woman, four are passed -way passed- childbearing age but the other three, ai choco-latte!!


They did a very beautiful "You are hereby condemned to death" dance for me the last night on the island. There was a lot of "You're going to miss this a lot when you are dead." images, mostly consisting of them grabbing ahold of their ankles and then jumping around to face away from me. Very revealing.

Joe(It makes me smile to think of it)Nation
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 02:23 pm
I think for your last meal you should consider something quite adventurous. Have you tried octopus or squid in its ink? It looks horrible, black as night or death even, but it tastes delicious and the stains come out quite easily, not that you will be worried about that aspect.
Afterwards a really rich chocolate desert, death by chocolate for example.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 02:38 pm
Quote:
Have you tried octopus or squid in its ink?


I live in New York, you can get such fare at the local sushi place for lunch.

Calamari tastes like deep fried rubber bands, ah, but the Japanese know what to do.

Octopus is a thought. I always like eating something that is as smart as me.

Joe(and it will be something that will stick to my ribs)Nation
0 Replies
 
Chaplin
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 02:45 pm
What surprises me most about Joe(livehighoffthehog)Nation is the idea of wasting his time on a2k whlie his life slips away...
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 03:11 pm
Joe Nation wrote:

So when I saw the big multi-colored bird with the incredible plumage, roosting there on the beach, I clocked it with a chuck of coral. Turns out it was a sacred bird, the last Xozyeoni-woohoo in existence and the only source for the equally sacred feathers used to make the decorations for the especially sacred ceremonies that have brought peace and harmony to Isla Mujes for centuries. I found out it's the only island in the world never conquered by anyone.


I read that bit by Joe Nation and how the natives were so upset with him killing the last Xozyeoni-woohoo bird and how he was sentenced to death, and I looked up from my computer, through the open window, and my gaze fell upon my enormous flock of Xozyeoni-woohoo birds, which I had begun harvesting in the early thirties. The flock, as I mentioned, was now of prodigious size and I surmised that if I was to fly to this island and offer the natives several pairs of these birds they could resume their custom and perhaps Joe Nation's life would be spared.

I did a quick head-count of the birds. Approximately 345. Not enough. Maybe if I had 500 or so I could depart with a few.

But what about Joe?

Screw him. Let them kill the bastard.

What has he ever done for me?
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 03:16 pm
Gus
Gus, what would you charge me for a pair of birds (male and female) to donate to the islanders so we could save Joe's life?

BBB
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2006 03:18 pm
What part of my post did you not understand, BBB?

I thought I stated quite clearly that Joe's life is of little importance to me.

No birds will be headed in your direction any time soon.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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