Americans' Feel Close Circle Of Friends Shrinking

I wonder if they only included in-person friends, versus online confidantes?

Yes, I think that was the idea of this study that the internet age was changing the kind and the way we make friends.

If the criteria is people "they could talk with about important matters," that would have to include some people I know only online, yes.

Having in-person close friends is also very important to me, though. I think I have three (not counting my husband) right now, and am working on expanding that number.

I'm not surprised.

Actually, the article gives two reasons equal billing, and I think it's the rising work hours that's the more important one.

I don't have many close friends (offline) and, some of those, I don't want too much closeness with. On the other hand, I have a friend, who served on the same ship in the Navy, that I still communicate with.

I hope one day to begin meeting some a2k members, but not until after I've retired and can travel.

Very interesting topic, Reyn, and I have definite thoughts on the subject, but for now, just reading.

I'm guessing increased mobility is also one of the reasons.

And perhaps more hectic free-time schedules as well, that include much social affairs but little intimacy (though thats probably a specific class/age thing).

I'm guessing in all these things America is "ahead" of us ... I dread the future.

I think also consumerism. I read somewhere -- I think that "Miswanting" article I keep going back to -- that people think they'll be happier with the big McMansion in the suburbs, but what it actually does is cut them off from other people and make them unhappier.

One other thought is that it's possible that 1985 was an anamalous spike. I'm not as sure about this idea, but bear with me -- the baby boomers were very much about "make your own family," pick and choose the people you enjoyed and create a community out of them, rather than focusing on your biological family.

That would still be holding sway in 1985, but not so much now.

I still have close in-person friends, friends I've had for decades, but my one true confidante, the only person I shared just about everything with, was my mother and she's passed away so, I've found myself with no one to talk to about certain things. That's when I bring it online.

(Sorry for being choppy)

I just re-read, nimh, I'd thought you meant increased mobility in terms of like commuting to work (I think that would likely be part of it, too), I just realized you probably meant people moving from one place to another, as well. I'm sure that is a huge part of it, people no longer staying in the place they grew up in. I have a bunch of friends who have moved back to Minneapolis, and I definitely envy them the instant depth and breadth of community they have.

Damn. Is what I said above even relevant?

What do you mean, eoe?

I certainly think so -- especially, perhaps it reveals a problem with the study. In 1984, people had an average of three close friends, and in 1984 "barely two," -- could it just be that the role of that one extra friend is, on average, supplied by online interaction?

Thanks, soz. I thought perhaps what I'd written was...strange or something. Rereading it, it felt off-topic somehow.

there's only 2, maybe 3 people I think of as close....but for me that means we'll do whatever it takes for each other.

doesn't mean at all that we spend a lot of time together.

most other people I consider an aquantence, or slightly higher, I'm "friendly with them"

Like Reyn, I don't feel the absence at all.

As a matter of fact, there's a guy out in the living room right now having a conversation with my husband, and I'd wish he'd go home. He's a nice guy, but it's Saturday, and it's my time.

I just don't get a lot out of it.

The other day, someone from down the block was over, just me and her, and we ended up having this really deep conversation for a couple of hours. When she had to leave, she gave me this really big hug, something she'd never done before....I felt a real connection with her over the last few hours, and I guess she felt the same......However, I didn't think afterwards "wow, I hope we do that again soon." It was a life experience, it was enjoyed, then you move on to other experiences.


God I wish that guy would go home....he's over there talking politics now....

I agree Sosobe, been thinking about this very subject recntly... have only just posted on 'Affluenza' although mainly about consumerism, peoples diminishing circle of close contacts, through 21st Centuary living can give people a sense of isolation and increased depression. close confidents are hard to find. But we have to give technology it's due... the internet (although we all knock it at times) gives those isolated an opportunity to come into close 'mental' contact with others. And that can only be a good thing.

I have a circle of four close friends, lots of acqaintences that I would introduce as 'freinds' and lots of 'cyber' friends, i consider myself very lucky...

<nods empathically>

The notion or experience of "common space" or even "public space" has been losing out to that of self-absorbed, off-limits private property for two decades now, if not longer ... the McMansions, devouring one's property's outside parts, gardens, porches, and replacing them with walled-off inside space, is a very vivid visualisation of that. So are the gated communities, though I suppose you could counter that inside the gates, you might actually have more of a community again.

In any case, it's a truism that a society of park benches with old men playing chess and streets with children playing footie will have more human interaction, stronger social networks, and ultimately more friendships than one of McMansions, cars and office cubicles.

Part of the change is self-elected in a consumerist mindset (wealth and safety outstrip community), part is imposed by "the economy" (shorthand for employer interests): longer working hours, more stringent productivity rules ("whatcha still doing on your coffee break?"), etc.

The warning is old - Huxley, Orwell, Metropolis weren't just about all-powerful authorities, they were also about this anonymising, efficiencizing, de-communitisation (making all kinds of words up now) of society. We eagerly embrace material wealth as bribe for sacrificing time and human warmth. Question is: why do we let them do this to us?

Hey, you guys have all made good points here.

Gotta go out for a bit and will check back in an hour or so.....