Unfortunately, clawing your way to serenity is counter-productive.
In your opening post, msolga, you mentioned Gregorian Chant.
I love chant, loved it since I first heard it. Glorious stuff!
That's interesting that you used the word delicate msolga. A while back, I went through this time that I felt, in my words "fragile". My emotions and mind felt like it was made out of those little glass animals you see glassblowers making at a fair. You know, those little swans and fish, that, if you not careful, can have the tail or fin or neck broken off so easily.
This was way after, I should say, the time when life just became too much for me in all ways, and I just couldn't stand up to it any longer. It's not that life had changed, I had just worn myself out being strong enough for anything that came along.
Now, if I feel fragile, I know it's time for me to just step back and see what I'm taking so seriously that it's draining me so.
If I was a plant, I'd be one of those that needs plenty of space around it. If something else is planted to close me, it's like it takes energy away from me, and I need all that unoccupied soil around me to give me the nutrients I need.
Actually, it's more like I can do all right sharing my soil with other plants whose systems work well enough that they can take what they need from the ground, but don't become invasive and intertwine with my roots. Like you said about the 3 hour conversations msolga, some people will just suck the life out of you
.from what I've experienced they just take and take until you have nothing left, but aren't so great at giving back.
One way I deal with someone that is aggravating is to decide if I can really help them or if my words will just add fuel to fire they have in them that just burns everything else up, leaving them still wanting/needing more. I am sometimes seen as cold, even uncaring toward some. That's just my way of saying "if you want all that attention, get it from someone else. The trade off of being seen as cold is more than adequate"
I have to deal with this on a regular basis with someone I work with. I've joked about her before, but she really is a lunatic. A lunatic that does her job well.
If you look up the word histrionic, she's a classic case. It doesn't matter what is going on, it's all about her. My boss is going through chemotherapy right now, and some people came by the other day with some little gifts. As my boss opened the little presents, this woman comes in and immediately starts addressing everyone as if the presents were for her, picking each thing up and rattling on a mile a minute how "Oh, I shop at this store ALL the time
.I think this one is great, I'll use it in
..and the topper
"thanks for coming by with these gifts
." Uh, Donna, these are for the person with, uh, CANCER, here?
<sigh>
There's really no changing this woman, believe me, no way
so, I literally close my door at times, which drives her crazy, as she believes it's one less person in her entourage.
Anyway, it's drawing lines around me that keeps me from losing it more than I do. Actually, some on A2K have access to my inner circle, even though we've never seen each other.
A useful concept from the Catholic church is "custody of your thoughts".
My world impinges on a number of people and situations that I find extremely distasteful. I force myself to remember that there are so many pleasant mental pursuits that only my own depravity insists on dwelling on the ignoble.
Breath deeply and conjure up a pleasant memory. Let weaker minded women picnic in dreary ugliness.
I like this thread!
I've been a bit off here and there over the past year and have had some times I've felt down. I am generally an introvert where my inner feelings are concerned and tend not to share with those who love me the most. Blasted independent nature I s'pose. Anyhoo I'm smiling as I think of them, but I did make up a list for myself a while back of things I should stop and do, especially when I'm out of sorts.
1. Walk. I bought a fabulous pair of Nikes some months back that fit me perfectly and make me feel like I'm walking on sponges, so comfortable, yet they are sturdy and hold my feet properly. I put them on and stride out for a brisk walk or even just a stroll. I am a terror for finding shoes that fit me right so I am so happy I can actually walk and my feet not hurt with these.
2. Laugh. I love British comedy shows and have some favorites that will literally make me piss my pants from laughing out loud. Porridge, Only Fools and Horses, Fawlty Towers, etc. There is nothing like laughing so uncontrollably that snot is coming out my nose and my face hurts. It's almost cleansing.
3. Letting off Steam. I have a pal who owns a punching bag and I go over to his place and take some shots and vent out loud (generally swearing up a storm over a work-manager or someone who stresses me out).
4. ****. Yes literally. I always feel exceptional after a pretty good crap. Nothing beats it.
5. Paint. Another friend has a studio and she lets me use her supplies to just flick, dab, smear, rend to pieces, meaningless crap that I feel like doing. I paint over the same piece again and again since I have no artistic skills whatsoever. I think it's just the messiness, uncontrolledness, letting myself go and no-one has to see it ever feeling that I like.
6. Swim. Or rather float. I like to be alone doing this if possible but I just want the sensation of floating with the water lapping me like dozens of finger-tips.
7. Chat, with my sister. I have some excellent friends who I can talk to but she is the one person who really understands me and who I can be completely me with. I can tell her anything and it's like she's right there in my head with me. I can whine and complain and she is patient and calming and will steer me to subjects that will enthrall or interest me and my problems are soon solved or at the very least, forgotten.
I tend to avoid close friends and family when i'm stressed or down.
My techniques to destress
- Spend time with nature/plants/animals.. I take a walk to the park. or i do some gardening...get away for the weekend to a friend's tea estate.
- Sing. An hour of music practice when i'm alone does me a world of good.
I like gregorian chant too, imagine that, me the naysayer. Still naysaying, I can just seperate out and dwell...
George & osso
Yes. The Gregorian chants are wonderful! They create a wonderful lofty, floaty feeling that sort of
transcends the mundane crappy stuff going on in my head. Now I'm wondering if (
deep down, mind!) I'm craving something religious, almost ...? (What,
me?
)
Chai Tea wrote:...Anyway, it's drawing lines around me that keeps me from losing it more than I do.
I know exactly what you mean by that, Chai, though I need to to hone my skills to ascertain exactly
where those
boundary lines should be. Early days yet in my own line drawing & I tend to I fluctuate between spreading myself way too thin to withdrawing much too far back & becoming a recluse, almost. I reckon it must take years of practice to get it right!
You make a lot of sense.
Wow, Heeven! Such an interesting & varied bunch of strategies you've accumulated there! I'm going to borrow a few of those, if I may! Terrific!
No 4 made me laugh, but it certainly works! I recommend it!
I'm thinking that
crying has a place here somewhere ...
A succession of devastating things occurred in my life a few years back & left me reeling. A damn sight more tears & expressions of grief would have been such a
release then, I now think, recalling that time. Instead, I sort of
forged on, coped in a fashion because I thought I had to. (I guess I
did have to, to a point). But I think bottling up grief & anger can be very crippling, now. A bit of wisdom from hindsight.
This has turned into a really interesting thread, although I only entered it earlier to make some silly comment.
I have had god come and sh*t in my kettle several times over the past couple of months, and things don't seem to be getting any better. This has resulted in me feeling like crap most of the time, and many many sleepless nights. I know it won't go on too long, but it sure ain't fun when it's happening.
I especially like Heeven's suggestions (painting.....haven't done that in ages) and will try to work out some kind of regime for myself for the next few weeks. One addition to Heeven's list is to come onto A2K and have fun from time to time.
Nice work, people. I'll bet there are a few browsers who have picked up some really good tips, or at least a feeling of support. Comrades in adversity, that sort of thing.
I'm sorry to hear you've been having a tough time, Ellpus. Is that why you've been a bit scarce in these parts of late?
I'm wondering what you do in the wee small hour when you can't sleep?
I usually come down onto the computer and bother the Americans for a while, as they are up and around at that time, and evident in great numbers.
They don't mind me suddenly appearing on the scene (quite rare for me to actually converse with them "live" actually....and quite nice) but I don't hang around long, and toodle back off to bed to try again.
I have just had all the usual life rubbish happening, but it seems to have all come at once.
It will pass.
It
will pass. And hopefully sooner rather than later, Ellpus.
My tried & true non-drug method of beating insomnia is a very simple but effective one: I leave the radio on. Quietly. Listening distracts me from my own busy thoughts & presto! ... before I know it, I'm fast asleep!
I have a little radio/CD player right next to my bed & also listen to talking books as I'm falling asleep. I guess if a person shares a bed they could use head-phones? Try it. It works!
Ah Lord Ellpus, if you don't mind me saying, I think of you as someone in my "inner circles"
Your practical advice laced with humor always makes sense to me.
I know you're going though some toughness right now, but having a chuckle takes off the stress, even if for a moment, allowing little spaces where you can recoup.
Sorry to hear his Lordiness is having a tough time as well as our Msolga.
Be careful, or I'll hug you!
Or we could take turns petting him. He would like that A LOT!
