Theories on Irritating Behavior

I think it's true for me in a lot of cases. I find it very interesting to try to pin down exactly what is so annoying and why it annoys me. I don't always succeed.

Do you think it holds true in all cases? Sometimes, I just don't see the connection at all but then there have been a few times that I've seen myself. And it ain't pretty.

Fer sure.

Not always, but definitely sometimes.

virtually all my irritating behaviors result from eating jello with raw pineapple.

Maybe sometimes, but I usually find myself wanting to rip the head off some dumbass for doing something I know I won't do.

Absolutely


Not for tiny things, like tapping a pencil...more for the larger life issues...stubborness, pride, etc.

Chai, you suck for having a dumb looking person as your avatar.

You're irritating - I must be a lot like you - and that's my Aunt Tilly.


I'm trying to score points with her. She's 98, no kids, and richer than Midas.

This is a picture of her of her back in the day, when she hung out with the Sex Pistols.

I don't think it holds true in all cases. For example, someone who is really loud, laughs too much, is a snitch, a snob, inconsiderate, passive-aggressive etc.

When someone is being profoundly annoying I try to see it from there point of view, this applies a lot to work situations. There's a woman I work with who has been a total brat lately, impossible. But, I know for a fact she's recently been rejected by a guy she likes, and that is a difficult situation for her, so I'm not going to complain about her.

Or the head of my department was particularly surly over a matter that was easily solveable, but he was too pissed off to make constructive decisions about it. I felt bad for him, even though he was being incredibly annoying and stupid. I know I get annoyed over small things and really appreciate it when someone steps in and doesn't judge or react to my behavior, rather they help out, and that lightens the load.

Gala, do you ever take that too far? I am very very similar in that way -- always looking for extenuating circumstances. However, at some point I realized I was just plain letting people get away with stuff. Sure, she (generic) is lonely and dealing with the breakup of a really difficult relationship, but that doesn't mean it's OK for her to be pissy with me. Sure, he (generic) had a terribly stressful day, but he's an adult and should be able to avoid angrily lashing out at everyone he encounters.

For a long time, I'd accept stuff if there was a "reason" -- I've ended up with something like, "empathize, but enforce boundaries."

I know what you're saying sozobe. Believe me, I am not that nice, nor do I let someone get away with treating me poorly. In the case of the generic lonely woman I pretty much ignored her. That's my way of setting a boundary. She apologized to me, which I welcomed.

As for the head of the department, he was taking on way more then he needed to, he was not rude to me at all, just really frustrated over a something that was the doing of some other chumps in another department. I thought about whether to step in or not, and in the end it was a good decision, because it got the rest of the people in the office involved where they needed to be.

I am not that benevolent either. By helping out here and there I get left alone and that is the goal.

It's the small things like repeating oneself or (not so small) always having a handy excuse for weak or ugly behavior or the desperate seeking of compliments and/or ego strokes. I've encountered these types in the passed week or so and found myself biting my lip not to lash out at them. I don't see these things in myself at all but the way the behavior gets under the skin just has me questioning things.

God, I don't want to be viewed as anything like these types.

I think it is a useful theory, but I don't know if it applies to all cases. Vague, huh?!

I've heard this a lot (usually when my aggressive side kicks into gear and someone wants to make a point for me to stop and think). It is helpful; because sometimes I know I do get 'triggered' by behavior that reminds me of something I dislike about myself or a hidden wound/emotional thing that needs attention.

But sometimes people just are annoying. And when you've got your fill of garbage for the day, your patience and tolerance is weaning.... well, sometimes it's just the straw that broke the camels back.

Some people seem to have the assertiveness skills down pat. They are at a place where they are healthy and all filled up emotionally/spiritually/mentally. These folks seem less prone to be big shows of irritation.

But most of us have at least some issues or loads we're bearing at any given time. Seems natural other people would spark that off and reflect ourselves back to us.

Sorry for rambling. I think it's an interesting question, eoe.

Fer sure!

I think things can make you especially annoyed because of other factors in your life without being about deep psychological issues or whatever. Like, if you're in a hurry and someone's blathering on and wasting time (no matter what they're blathering about), or if you're dissatisfied with your job and there's some irritating person you're forced to deal with (as opposed to, say, someone next to you on the bus that you'll never have to see again), or if you are not getting enough recognition at work and then some idiot is trying to get the strokes from you.

OK, that last one is more direct cause and effect, but in general, what happens with me is something like: There are things that are objectively irritating on a scale of say 1 to 10. No matter what, they're irritating. But when I'm happy and non-hormonal and the sun is out, some incident will register as a 2 on the irritation scale. No big deal. If I have PMS and it's raining and I just ruined my favorite shoes and the car is making weird noises and I haven't eaten for six hours, that very same incident will register as an 8. It's not about the incident per se, it's about your general tolerance level (that's basically what flushd said, too).

Does that make sense?

Makes alot of sense.

Anybody like bubblewrap?

http://bluestrattos.planetaclix.pt/bubblewrap.swf

Maybe what irritates us most are those habits in others that we once had but have since learned to conquer in ourselves (or think we have)?

Just a theory.

OR...we may have the potential to do things that may irritate others but we refrain. That, of course, requires being concious of the bad behavior, first of all, and most people aren't that concious of themselves or even care how irritating their foolish or weak behavior may appear to others.

eoe,

Interesting that you should have identified "foolish and weak" as the most annoying (perhaps without even thinking about it), while others of us may have said "ignorant and arrogant" or "silly and childish", etc.