Stories

A favourite one? Oh man, I'm hard pressed to choose. There's so many different ones. Let me get back to you on this...

okay okay, how about, instead of your "favorite story" you tell whatever story you most feel like telling at the moment.

Well, this may be more of a joke than it is a story but it's probably my very favorite.

There is a man trapped on the roof of his house in the middle of a flood. He is praying and calling out to God to save him because he does not want to die. Well, shortly after that prayer, a rowboat comes by with someone in it asking if they can help him. He says, "No, I have prayed to God and He will save me." The man calls out to God a second time asking God to save Him. Soon, a motorboat comes by and people are waving at him and saying "You're saved! Come with us!" The man says, "No, thank you. I have asked God to save me and He will." The third time a helicopter comes by the the man waves it off saying, " No! God will save me!" Night falls and the man becomes frightened and starts screaming to God, "I have been praying all day for you to save me and here I am still on the roof of my house in the middle of the flood!" A loud voice comes from heaven saying, "Hey! What do you want? I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat and a helicopter!"

Reminds me to always be aware. You never know how God will choose to communicate with you.

awwwww, but you've already told that one!

Busted! Okay, give me a bit and let's see if I can remember another one. :wink: Dang, busted.

Also overwhelmed by the number of possibilities, but would love to come back to it.

I've mentioned this before, it's one of my favorites, an old Jewish folktale.

There was a poor unfortunate man who lived in a small hut with his large family. Everyone was thrown together willy-nilly and he had no peace. He went to the Rabbi to ask for advice.

The Rabbi asked him, "Do you have any chickens?" The poor unfortunate man said warily, "yes, I do..." The Rabbi said, "Bring them with you into your hut."

The poor unfortunate man was confused, but he knew this Rabbi was wise, and did as he advised. He brought the chickens into his hut, and things were much worse than before. The chickens were getting into everything and keeping up a racket and there were feathers everywhere.

The poor unfortunate man went back to the Rabbi and said, "Rabbi, it is even worse than before, what should I do??" The Rabbi asked, "Do you have any geese?" The poor unfortunate man said that he did, and the Rabbi told him to bring the geese into his hut, too.

The geese made things absolutely unbearable, they were biting the baby and pooping in the soup and life was absolutely awful. The poor unfortunate man went back to the Rabbi in despair, saying, "Rabbi, it's awful!! What should I do?" The Rabbi advised him to bring in the goat, this time.

After the goat rampaged around the tiny hut destroying things with its hooves and butting all the children, the man, at the end of his rope, went back to the Rabbi... and was told to bring in his cow.

The man was questioning the Rabbi's sanity at this point but did as he was told. The cow, of course, made things absolutely horrible -- there wasn't room to turn around, the manure was stinking up the place, and everyone was anguished.

The man ran back to the Rabbi, and was finally told; "Take out all of your animals."

The man led all of his animals back to the places they had been, and several days later ran back to the Rabbi, and said, "Oh Rabbi, things are so peaceful with just me and my family in the hut!! We sleep so soundly, we have so much room, everything smells so good! Wise Rabbi, thank you!!!"

Moral of the story -- it could always be worse.

I was flipping through one of my folktales from around the world books (I have a few, this one is "World Tales" by Idries Shah), and came across this one, called "The Happiest Man in the World." I'll paraphrase, as it's long.

A man went to see a sage. He said, "Great Sage, I have no material problems, and yet I am always unsettled. For years I have tried to be happy, to find an answer to my inner thoughts, to come to terms with the world. Please advise me as to how I can be cured of this malaise."

The sage answered, "My friend, what is hidden to some is apparent to others. I have the answer to your ailment, though it is no ordinary medication. You must set out on your travels, seeking the happiest man in the world. As soon as you find him, you must as for his shirt, and put it on."

The man then started his search. He found many, many happy people, but all of them said there was someone else even happier. He traveled the whole world following leads, and finally he came to a woods where everyone said the happiest man in the world lived. He heard the sound of laughter that got louder as he got closer and finally he saw him -- the happiest man in the world.

The man asked him for his shirt. The happiest man in the world laughed and laughed and laughed.

The restless man asked, a bit annoyed, "Are you unhinged, that you laugh at such a request?"

"Perhaps," said the happiest man, "but if you had only taken the trouble to look, you would have seen that I don't possess a shirt."

Miffed, the restless man asked, "Well, what am I to do now?"

"You will now be cured. Striving for something unattainable provides the exercise to achieve that which is needed."

Then the happiest man in the world rearranged his turban and the restless man realized he was the original sage.

"Why didn't you tell me all this years ago, when I first came to see you?" asked the restless man.

"Because you were not ready then to understand. You needed certain experiences, and they had to be given to you in a manner that would ensure you actually experienced them."

************
Mr. Shah's notes on that one:



There are other variations of this story, especially Buddhist, that I like better about the importance of the journey vs. the goal, but this one is interesting I think.

I've always been fond of this story.

A young man has studied for an entire year with a Zen Master and had received permission to go going to visit his family. Being young (and possibly being male) he was quite impressed with his newly-acquired wisdom and as he struted along the narrow road in the spring sunshine, he chanted, "I am God. Thou are God. I am God. Thou art God."

As the sun rises higher in the sky the narrow road becomes more and more crowded with traffic in both directions. The young man heard a voice shouting, "Make way. Make way."

He looks up and saw an elephant, complete with palanquin and mahout, striding toward him. The young man had never seen an elephant at such close quarters and in celebration altered his chant, "I am God. Thou art God. The elephant is God. I am God. Thou art God. The elephant is God."

Unimpressed by the young man's piety and insight, the elephant swatted him with his trunk, knocking him to the side of the road, out of the way.

The young man was badly shaken. Fortunately a village woman was passing by and she helped him collect both his belongings and some small part of his dignity.

"I don't understand," the young man told her. "I was one with the universe. I knew I was God and thou were God and that the elephant was God."

The village woman looked at him kindly and asked, "Didn't you hear God on the elephant's back when he told you to get out of the way?"

When the spiritual teacher and his disciples began their evening meditation, the cat who lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them. So the teacher ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening practice. Years later, when the teacher died, the cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session. And when the cat eventually died, another cat was brought to the monastery and tied up. Centuries later, learned descendants of the spiritual teacher wrote scholarly treatises about the religious significance of tying up a cat for meditation practice.

P

Thank you, brothers, for your beautiful stories.

But the majority of the people who gave you stories were female.

And if you wait a few more days, I'll be able to come up with a good myth. I still can't decide between the multiple myths that I find enjoyable to read about.

An old man dies and goes to Heaven. As he enters the immense golden gate, he hears a voice that calls his attention…it is Saint Peter. The old man approaches him. Saint Peter stands behind a podium, scrutinizing the pages of a very big and old book, wearing his glasses on the tip of his nose…and says…

Saint Peter: "Can you tell me your name?"

Old man: "I…I can't remember."

Saint Peter: "Is it John? Charles? Peter?"

Old man: "No, I don't think so. But, it could be one of them."

Concerned about the old man's amnesia, Saint Peter desperately goes to

Jesus and tells him about the problem. And then, Jesus turns to speak to the old man.

Jesus: "I will ask you several questions. Try to remember. Agree?

The old man agrees.

Jesus: "Before you died, what did you do for a living?"

Old man: "I think I was a carpenter."

Jesus: "were you married?"

Old man: "I think so. She was a very good woman. And I believe she was significantly younger than I…. from what I remember."

Jesus: "Did you have any children?"

Old man: yes. One. And he was very independent.

Jesus weeps in happiness and runs to hug the old man.

Jesus: "Father, it is I…thou son!"

With tears of joy in his eyes, the old man exclaims…


Old man: "Pinocchio!"

OOPS! My mistake, for not paying more careful attention to screen-names, and for stupidly assuming when they could not be decoded for gender. Sorry ladies.

If you can't decide on a good myth, why don't you just tell Joseph Campbells monomyth?

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.
One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"

"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"

I don't quite think I fully understand that story....

Not a favourite, but one from my part of the world that probably doesn't get a lot of worldwide press...

(sorry about the copy/paste)

Australian Aboriginal: The Dreamtime
In the beginning the earth was a bare plain. All was dark. There was no life, no death. The sun, the moon, and the stars slept beneath the earth. All the eternal ancestors slept there, too, until at last they woke themselves out of their own eternity and broke through to the surface.

When the eternal ancestors arose, in the Dreamtime, they wandered the earth, sometimes in animal form -- as kangaroos, or emus, or lizards -- sometimes in human shape, sometimes part animal and human, sometimes as part human and plant.

Two such beings, self-created out of nothing, were the Ungambikula. Wandering the world, they found half-made human beings. They were made of animals and plants, but were shapeless bundles, lying higgledy-piggledy, near where water holes and salt lakes could be created. The people were all doubled over into balls, vague and unfinished, without limbs or features.

With their great stone knives, the Ungambikula carved heads, bodies, legs, and arms out of the bundles. They made the faces, and the hands and feet. At last the human beings were finished.

Thus every man and woman was transformed from nature and owes allegiance to the totem of the animal or the plant that made the bundle they were created from -- such as the plum tree, the grass seed, the large and small lizards, the parakeet, or the rat.

This work done, the ancestors went back to sleep. Some of them returned to underground homes, others became rocks and trees. The trails the ancestors walked in the Dreamtime are holy trails. Everywhere the ancestors went, they left sacred traces of their presence -- a rock, a waterhole, a tree.

For the Dreamtime does not merely lie in the distant past, the Dreamtime is the eternal Now. Between heartbeat and heartbeat, the Dreamtime can come again.

Here's one I told first here: http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1493642#1493642

Me'n Joe Sixpack have a friend by the name of Felbo.
Seems like Felbo went down to this fancy car dealer for a test drive and hopped into this real fancy sports job. Well, they started drivin' down the street and the sales feller was explainin' all the safety features:

"This car has built in protection against accidents," says the sales guy. "You can't make it get into an accident. Watch this!" Then he suddenly turns the wheel towards some oncoming traffic. Well, right off the car won't turn where the sales guy was a' pointin' it.

"Howcome that happened," sez Felbo. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Well, the car has a built in protection against all road hazards. You can't speed. You can't miss a stop sign or traffic light. It's the latest technology."

"Wow, who wouldn't wanna have a car like this? sez Felbo. When can I take a drive?"

The sales feller pulls over and stops; then he sez "OK; how about now?"

So Felbo's a drivin' down the street with the sales feller in the passenger seat with the top down and just enjoyin' the dadbeatall of this new fangled car. He tries to swerve and the car won't hit nothin. He tries to not put on the brakes at the stop sign and the car stops anyhow.

"This is terrific!" says Felbo. "Say, what's that red button for on the dash board?"

"Well, that's to turn off the safety system. You'll have to drive the car yourself. Don't push it you could get killed."

Suddenly this guy named Dweebo pops up in the back seat and sez: "Don't listen to sales guy. He just wants to keep you from having fun. Press the button and you can make decisions about what is safe and what is unsafe all by yourself."

Well, Joe'n me were at Felbo's funeral payin' him his last respects, and Joe sez. "Felbo wuz a lot like that Frank feller warn't he neo."

"I think so Joe. I think so."

bm