They f*ck you up, your mum & dad ....

The links to a politically active adulthood, Amigo? That's an interesting connection. Please tell us of your findings. (I can relate. Like mad! :wink: )

And yeah! Hit granny with the poem!

Yea, first i'll hit granny with the poem then i'll hit her with a cream pie in the face.

But what about granny's mum & her granny, Amigo? They surely had a bit to do with the situation that evolved? As did their mums & grannies? (makes you feel a wee bit tired, doesn't it?)

Well then I guess granny missed out on her chance to smash a cream pie in her moms face. Amigo can only do so much.

true.

Too bad all the nice people couldn't take off in a rocket and colonize another planet.

Too bad all the creepy people couldn't see a killer investment on Mars & invest & migrate!

... but then, again .... good souls have been known to come from the most unlikely, creepy up-bringing.



Confusing, hey?

Confusion is all their is

I suspect that that's right, Amigo. I guess it's up to each new generation of every family to make their own mark. To simply accept the status quo or to rock the boat & bring about change. Who knows why the off-spring of the same family, can turn out so very differently? It's all a bit of a mystery to me.

guilty!

I think it's a combination of gene pool and birth order. There were four children in my family. Three of us were quite similar in looks, temperament, and outlook. The oldest was special by virtue of being the oldest, the only boy was special by virtue of being the only boy, I was special by virtue of being the youngest. My middle sister was the classic black sheep of the family in every way imaginable. I don't think her birth order had anything to do with the gene pool which determined she was the only blondish, blue-eyed, short person in a family of tall, dark, brown-eyed people but I do think her middle-childness had a lot to do with who she is.

On parents screwing up their kids, I was lucky to have one fabulous parent whose only fault was staying married to her husband. Now that I'm an adult I understand why she did that but I certainly didn't understand it as a kid.

Ah, J_B!

The youngest and the rebel! I can relate to that!
A thought: maybe, by the time that you arrived (following the previous three) your parents no longer suffered from the fond illusion that children can be moulded (into some type of person or the other)?

My older sister was definitely over-moulded. I was sort of an anti-climax after that! Consequently I had a lot more freedom to think & move than she did. Not that that always felt terrific at the time!

msolgo, I'm not sure if it was a lesser suffering from wanting to mold us or simply being worn out and no longer having the energy. My oldest sister was over-parented and I had free reign. I think the middle girl did them in and no matter what I was doing, it didn't compare to the drama and turmoil she put them through.

I will say that the middle sister had a profound impact on me by being a negatiive role model (as did my father). Because I was four years younger and still at home during all her escapades, I was able to see the effect her actions had on my mother. I wouldn't have put her through that for anything and tempered my behaviors accordingly.

I've read other poems by Philip Larkin, not this one. Reading it makes me not ever want to have kids...

Like you, J_B, I had one fabulous parent, whose only fault was staying married to his wife and I have never understood why. My dislike for my mom has had a heavy impact on me. It still feels weird to hear her voice when she calls - our voices are identical..

Oh, I can relate to this! But a "free reign" can be a rather lonely thing when you're very young. I'm wondering, J_B, do you have a wee bit of a melancholy streak? To this day? :wink:

But, sakhi, you are definitely not your mother!

hmmmmm, I'm not sure if melancholy describes it. I had a lot a deep-seated bitterness towards my father and my circumstances certainly had a profound impact on who I am as an adult. I was able to come to peace with who he was a while back and accept him and my upbringing as something I can't change. I breathe much easier today than I did before then.

As the youngest, I think I took on a bit of the 'good child' personna so free reign wasn't a problem. I was very close to my mother and we spent a lot of time together. I was lucky in that I could talk to her about literally anything, and I did that. She had a pretty black and white version of right and wrong. If something isn't right, then it's wrong. That made not having a whole bunch of rules pretty simple, yet she didn't judge me for the decisions I made in life.

As an example, I was a teen in the early '70s, a number of my friends were discussing whether or not to try pot. It was a classic discussion among kids - should we, shouldn't we, why not, because...., the discussion wasn't going very far. I stood up and said I was going to go talk to my mom. The other kids looked at me as if I was insane. None of them could imagine talking about smoking pot with their parents. I told my mother what we were discussing and her response was, "You know what my answer would be, if I were making the choice for you. You know the possible consequences and you'll have to be prepared to live with them. However, I'm not the one growing up in these times. I never faced the peer pressures you are facing, so I can't possibly tell you what I would have done in your place." Some of those same friends became heavily involved in drugs, I tried pot a few times and decided it wasn't worth it. That's an example of the type of free reign I had.

How 'bout you, msolga? Do you find yourself wishing your childhood were different?

Oh, I would have given an arm & a leg to have had a different childhood, J_B! Some time ago, that is. Serious, melancholy & determinably planning my escape! That was me! Now I just think: yeah, it wasn't the best deal, but hey, I did the best I could with it! But, I so agree with Philip Larkin's little poem!