Christian views on having children

From a Christian perspective, I have no idea.

My advice would be something like, everyone is different -- it's impossible to know whether your wife would've gotten pregnant more easily when she was younger or not. As such, it's not worth dwelling on, IMO. Some people just get pregnant more easily than others. If having a child is your goal, there are plenty of options -- focus on those. And have FUN while you're doing it.

YOU might not want to use this one, but another thing that might make HER feel better is that it takes two to make a baby, and for all you know at this point, the problem is with your sperm.

But even more generally, just a year or so of trying? That's really not too long in the scheme of things. Some friends of ours just got pregnant after something like 5 years of trying (and yes, the problem was the guy's sperm).

Oh, I hadn't seen that you had another one that was virtually identical when I responded here.

Have your wife take some Robitussin. That's my advice.

I don't get the Christian aspect.

Does she think God is punishing her?

mrpeterson,

In my opinion there is not any advice you can really give her to deal with the situation. Everyone deals with things on their own terms and because we can't get into their heads and hear all their thoughts we can't totally understand how they are feeling and why. It is easy to give "pat answers" to things, but in my experience more often than not those answers can be more hurtful. Why? Because to me it shows a lack of understanding of the situation a person is dealing with. The best thing you can do for her is do your best to show her God's unconditional love through the way you treat her. Respect her wishes, whatever they are, be supportive and encouraging.

Maybe if I share my side of my story it will help you to understand. I was 19 when I first was told I would probably never have children of my own. They couldn't explain why though. They did every test known to man on me and had no idea why my ovaries don't release the eggs. I was angry, hurt and I felt alone. I felt somehow deficient as a person because I could not have children. I blamed God. As the years passed I gradually worked through all those feelings and came to the understanding that there is a purpose for everything. Maybe we don't always see that or understand that, but it has proven to be true in my own life.

Just recently I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues and in the meantime things from the past have been coming up. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about some things that happened to me as a child. Not to be too blunt but I was raped at the age of five. For the first time in my life I realized this could actually be the reason the doctors couldn't find for why my body is the way it is. I was horrified that someone could have such power to inadvertently take away someone's ability to have children through one selfish act. I realize now though because of the healing that God has done in my life that being angry won't change the situation. Hating the man who did this to me will never give me the ability to have children of my own.

I believe if God wanted me to have a child I could. There are many instances in the bible of women who were barren being made able to bear a child. However I won't put this stipulation on God. In the process He has brought me through He also gave me and incredibly big heart for the unwanted children in our country. The one's who are pushed aside, forgotten, written off, because people don't like what they stand for, what they look like, how they act. Chances are if I could have had a child of my own I wouldn't have cared about anything other than doing just that. Sometimes God has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. This is a scripture that gave me great comfort in the times I was struggling with this issue:

Isaiah 54
1 "Sing, O barren,
You who have not borne!
Break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
You who have not labored with child!
For more are the children of the desolate
Than the children of the married woman," says the LORD.
2 " Enlarge the place of your tent,
And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;
Do not spare;
Lengthen your cords,
And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left,
And your descendants will inherit the nations,
And make the desolate cities inhabited.
4 " Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
The LORD of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
6 For the LORD has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,"
Says your God.
7 " For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.
8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,"
Says the LORD, your Redeemer.
9 " For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
10 For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,"
Says the LORD, who has mercy on you.
11 " O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the LORD,
And great shall be the peace of your children.

Absolutely beautifully put, hephzibah.

I cannot even imagine what it must feel like to believe in God and feel like he is punishing you.

Scratching up the surface is a good way to start looking deeper, isn't it?

Thank you Boomerang.

Each situation in life is like an iceburg to me. You can see the tip of it sticking out of the water, but what's underneith, what cannot be seen, is much much bigger. You can judge it at face value, by what you merely see with your eyes and move on. Or you can acknowledge that there is much more to that iceburg that you cannot see and in truth you have no concept of how big it really is. If you want the answer to how big it is, it is up to you to look beneath the surface and see.

Robitussin. I'm tellin' ya.

He's not punishing her. It's all biological. Sometimes certain organs don't perform as they should. Have you ever considered that maybe your sperm count is low? Maybe it's not her at all!

My suggestion is this - if all else fails, adopt. Turn your misfortune into a beautiful gift.

mrpeterson22,

So many things happen in life that just seem so unfair. It's hard wanting something so badly and feeling you are deserving of it and yet someone else that is in a "not the best" situation gets what you want. But, focusing on what someone else has that you don't have is never the answer. It's hard not to do, I know.

I can only imagine how hard this must be on your wife and also on you. From a Christian standpoint, I believe that everything happens for a reason when it happens or doesn't happen. It's hard being on God's timeclock instead of our own.

I would say the most important thing to your wife right now would be your moral support. If she has you to lean on then she will get through this. I will definitely say a prayer for the both of you.

How ya been MA?

Hey Neo!

Not bad. I didn't know you could go through internet withdrawal though! I just got my internet back so I'm starting to feel like my old self again. I see I have lots to catch up on.

You doing ok?

Just fine for an old geezer

I would never consider you an old geezer! :wink:

Geezer, then.