I wonder what Lord Ellpus is doing right now?

The purpose of this thread is to speculate on the everyday life of Lord Ellpus. Whenever you log on to this thread I would like you to venture a guess as to what the Lord is up to at that precise moment.

Using our collective powers of speculation we should be able to come up with a fairly active composite of the everyday activities of that legendary rogue of the British Isles.

I will start.

I think the Lord is in his bathroom now, the lights turned off. He is standing by the side of the window and has the shade pulled back just a smidgeon -- just enough to get a view of the busty Mrs. Crumpkins who is hanging her laundry to dry. The Lord's breathing is deep and rhythmic. Sweat beads are forming on his brow.

The Lord is snapped out of his reverie by the voice of a returning Mrs. Ellpus, "YOO HOO! LORD! I HAVE BROUGHT HOME SOME FISH AND CHIPS! WHERE ARE YOU SUGARPLUM?!"

The Lord begrudgingly releases his grip on the shade but the vision of Mrs. Crumpkins derriere still dances in his head. He slaps himself hard on the side of the head to dispel the vision, straightens his tie, and heads toward the kitchen.

Upon seeing his wife he says, "Cheerio, pip pip. Fish and chips you say?"

Then the two of them sit down and eat their chips while Mrs. Crumpkins finishes her laundry.

Someone please carry on. By the time I submit this the Lord will have finished his meal and the next phase of his exciting life will kick into gear.