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Jewish Haiku- peotry for the holiest of seasons

 
 
Gala
 
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 07:46 am
>>>J E W I S H H A I K U
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>After the warm rain
>>>>
>>>>the sweet smell of camellias.
>>>>
>>>>Did you wipe your feet?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Her lips near my ear,
>>>>
>>>>Aunt Sadie whispers the name
>>>>
>>>>of her friend's disease.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Today I am a man.
>>>>
>>>>Tomorrow I will return
>>>>
>>>>to the seventh grade.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Testing the warm milk
>>>>
>>>>on her wrist, she sighs softly.
>>>>
>>>>But her son is forty.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>The sparkling blue sea
>>>>
>>>>reminds me to wait an hour
>>>>
>>>>after my sandwich.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Lacking fins or tail
>>>>
>>>>the gefilte fish swims with
>>>>
>>>>great difficulty.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Like a bonsai tree,
>>>>
>>>>your terrible posture
>>>>
>>>>at my dinner table.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Beyond Valium,
>>>>
>>>>the peace of knowing one's child
>>>>
>>>>is an internist.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Jews on safari --
>>>>
>>>>map, compass, elephant gun,
>>>>
>>>>hard sucking candies.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>The same kimono
>>>>
>>>>the top geishas are wearing:
>>>>
>>>>I got it at Loehmann's.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>The shivah visit:
>>>>
>>>>so sorry about your loss.
>>>>
>>>>Now back to my problems.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Mom, please! There is no
>>>>
>>>>need to put that dinner roll
>>>>
>>>>in your pocketbook.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Seven-foot Jews in
>>>>
>>>>the NBA slam-dunking!
>>>>
>>>>My alarm clock rings.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Sorry I'm not home
>>>>
>>>>to take your call. At the tone
>>>>
>>>>please state your bad news.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Is one Nobel Prize
>>>>
>>>>so much to ask from a child
>>>>
>>>>after all I've done?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Today, mild shvitzing.
>>>>
>>>>Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
>>>>
>>>>Five-day forecast: feh
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Passover
>>>>
>>>>Left the door open
>>>>
>>>>for the Prophet Elijah.
>>>>
>>>>Now our cat is gone.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
>>>>
>>>>Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
>>>>
>>>>Oy! To be fluent!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Quietly murmured
>>>>
>>>>at Saturday services,
>>>>
>>>>Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>*****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>A lovely nose ring,
>>>>
>>>>excuse me while I put my
>>>>
>>>>head in the oven.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>****
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Hard to tell under the lights.
>>>>
>>>>White Yarmulke or
>>>>
>>>>male-pattern baldness
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 5,830 • Replies: 20

 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 07:52 am
OMG, these are great!

Lemme try:

Last night's seder

A Japanese guest
Four questions quite intriguing
Told in Japanese

You will remember
What constipation feels like
After much matzoh
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 07:54 am
Manischewitz wine
Is giving me a migraine...
My Imitrex please!
0 Replies
 
steissd
 
  0  
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 12:03 pm
Hmm, these Haiku, obviously refer to the everyday routine of the American Jews. They have nothing to do with the Israeli way of life...
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 03:18 pm
You are right steissd, we have relatives from Israel, and I am certain they would agree. The traditions are quite different.
0 Replies
 
Gala
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Apr, 2003 05:15 pm
Yes steissed, same religion different cultures.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 07:17 am
Oh these are excellent; I'll add some when I can.
0 Replies
 
steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 07:45 am
Well, it is really strange that traditions are so much different. I do not have exact statistics, but I heard that majority of the American Jews originate from the Russian Empire (this state included, besides proper Russia and Ukraine, Northeastern Poland, Finland, Lettland and Lithuania as well). The same refers to approximately 35-40 percent of Israelis.
0 Replies
 
steissd
 
  3  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 07:48 am
Cavfancier wrote:
You will remember
What constipation feels like
After much matzoh
0 Replies
 
Gala
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 08:46 am
jespah, I was hoping you'd read these.

steissd, these haiku's are my family in a nut-shell.

Here in the Midwest, Manishevitz Gefilte Fish costs $7. I guess it's so expensive because they consider it to be some exotic food that needs to be "imported" in.
0 Replies
 
steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 09:09 am
Ah, OK. BTW, what is Manishewitz?
It is possible in Israel to buy (especially around Passover) the ready-made stuffed fish in East European style, but it is usually domestic and not too much expensive. BTW, Oriental Jews (Yemenites, Moroccans, Iraqis, Persians, Turkish etc.) that constitute majority of the Israeli population, find this meal disgusting and "nerdish", but I do not share their approach.
0 Replies
 
husker
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 09:54 am
Gefilte Fish is kosher?
0 Replies
 
steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2003 10:12 am
I hope so... Well, if it is not made of sturgeon, shark or eel, of course.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Mar, 2010 05:10 pm
@Gala,
When is Passover?
This clueless gentile knows next
to nothing timely.
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Mar, 2010 05:27 pm
@tsarstepan,
Tomorrow (Tuesday) is the first day.
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Mar, 2010 06:08 pm
@Merry Andrew,
Brilliant haikus.... Happy Seder!
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Mar, 2010 06:40 pm
@Gala,
Bacon laced ice cream
is so far from kosher that
the rabbi faints thrice
0 Replies
 
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Mar, 2010 07:12 pm
@littlek,
Good Yontif everybody!
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2010 07:41 am
@Merry Andrew,
Toss the bread and then
remember to buy matzoh,
a vegan shank bone?
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2010 10:19 am
@jespah,
Please concentrate on
passing the afikoman.
I am real hungry.
 

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