I NEED SOME HELP ~ NOW!

I have been to St. Louis. Okay I am curious as to what type of addiction you are inquiring. Alcohol? Drugs? There are help group meetings (such as AA) and rehab places in the St. Loius area

Strugis,

Thanx for getting back to me! Ok, this is what is going on. A friend of mine and I are helping a young woman that has had a cocaine addiction for 18 years. She desperately wants to get off the drugs. We spend hours in voicechat and on the phone with her, which is fine for right now.

We are trying to get her to u nderstand the need to get to some meetings and some actual physically close people in her situation.

She is becoming more and more willing everyday that she stays clean. But, I know from experience, that if she does not do more than she is doing now, she probably will not stay clean.

I have tried calling NA where she is. She has called and left numerous messages and no one has gotten back to her. Now, of course, being an addict, she is upset about that and is reluctant to reach out to them again. I have explained that NA normally does not do this. I have heard the recordings and her leaving messages on their phone. I make her do it right in front of the computer.

I was just hoping someone in St. Louis might be able to help.

Thanx again so much for answering here Sturgis!

All I can do is offer a brief prayer for her. As an alcoholic I am aware of the building resentment she must be going through now. Make sure she knows that even if N.A. is being slow in response, you and others are there for her (provided of course she is truely willing to heal).
Are there any treatment centers (tcs) around there that she would be willing to go to, even a local hospital for the first few days to get her system detoxed with medical personnel around for her own health safety?

Although she herself might not have an issue with alcohol, there is a possibility that Alcoholics Anonymous might be able to give her a point in the right direction for where to turn next.

Anyway I have no other ideas, and unfortunately my association with St. Louis was brief and I have no actual contacts there. Hopefully our interaction here today M.A., will get this topic the attention of a forum member who can help out.

Oooo, tough situation. It's hard enough being the one standing by watching someone struggle to get a hold of their life knowing you can't do anything for them but be there. I can't imagine what it's like to be a recovering addict.

She's done what most people addicted to drugs never do: She's made a decision to try. However, she needs someone who works specifically with her drug problem. She's clean you said? She's already detoxed, so that's a promising sign. It's the hard part. Here are two websites that might offer some assistance.

Therapist Unlimited

Drug Rehab

Sturgis,

Yes, I will definitely forcefully recommend she contact someone in AA since she still hasn't heard from NA. She is posting in an addiction recovery forum and she's asking questions about how to get rid of her drug buddies and such. That, to me, is very encouraging. I appreciate so much your responses. I do feel helpless but contact via this thread is helping me so much.

Bella Dea,

Thank you my friend! I will look heavily into those sites. I did point her to a forum for recoverying addicts and she is getting some feedback from there.

Personally, I think she needs to go to treatment. She has been clean for only 48 hours now. It's been very hard on her but she is doing it. Thank God she is willing to do the things I have told her she needs to do. She is, in my opinion, very sincere in wanting to quit and stay quit.

I really believe that within the next few days she will either be willing to go to some meetings or she will start using again. I pray that I am wrong. But, I am a recovering addict (prescription pills because of migraines) and I know what she is going through. I have been off drugs for a looooooooong time but I still remember the thinking and feeling that goes on.

Your input is priceless! Just having someone to discuss this with gives me hope.

I Googled "St Louis MO Narcotics Anonymous" and found these sites:


http://snipurl.com/k06u

Narcotics Anonymous
PO Box 30570
St Louis, MO 63116
(314) 830-3232

http://www.showmerso.org/stl_meetings.asp

The last one looks very promising--meetings for every day of the week.

Noddy,

Thanx so much. That is a different phone number thatn she has. I will give her this one.

Bless you!

Oh boy..
momma.. sweetie.. DARLING..

i have SO much to say.
and many years of addiction behind me to say it with.
And , it is going to sound like I am being the number one bitch here..
but believe me, Im not trying to be. please.. PLEASE.. believe this.


O-K
quick run down on me, so you can understand where I am coming from.
Cocaine addict age 14-17
Heroin 17-19
Cocaine again 19-21
alcohol, weed, crank, and anything else, throw that into the mix as well.

Sober 21-27
Pain pill addiction 27-28
------------------------------------- me in a nut shell ---------------------

I am going to ASSUME.. ( if i am wrong forgive me.. ) you have never been addicted ?
48 hours in the life of a cocaine addict simply means that someone is out of money. They are now coming down from their high and the natural depression from the drug is suffocating.
I am not saying she isnt serious about getting sober
I am not saying she is just going through the motions and not wanting to be sober
I am not saying dont believe her.
I am saying that right now is not the time to put forth 100%.
In a week? maybe.. 2 weeks? yes.
Her body is dictating what is coming out of her mouth right now. Because it is painful to be in her skin at this point. You have to let this pain of detox pass before your words and actions will take hold.
just trust me on that.

I am saying, .. right now.. you are not the answer .
The physical and mental state of someone in that situation is devistating. And quite frankly, if she doesnt go through it .. like something dragged through the mud, the lesson wont be learned.
please dont take the stance of " I will do it for you.. just follow my lead"
You will lead her right back to drugs with out thinking about it .

There is a natural desperation that happens when the human body stops taking cocaine. It is a terrible, bone grinding pain that is just unexplainable to someone who has not been there.
it feels like everything you have ever done is wrong. You question your life, your skin, your thoughts, you dont like your home, every thing you sit in is wrong, everything you say is wrong, and the entire time, your body is aching . Eyes twitch, you sweat, you are depressed, you are anxious, angry, sad, ...

all these emotions are just dropping on you like BOMBS. All the time. There is no reason and no time between feelings to sort out a single thing. It is a helpless and physically pain ful place to be. And there is nothing you , or anyone else can do , to stop that feeling. NA wont stop it. Praying wont stop it. Hell.. even alcohol wont stop it. It is the human bodies reaction to having no drugs

Alot of times, people who come off of cocaine, or , run out of money at the moment, go to desperate measures to try to stop this feeling.
Of course, it doesnt work.
This is the bodies natural reaction.

In this reaction... desperation takes hold and people will do anything to make it stop.
Rightfully so. It is painfull.

But then, people like you Mamma, get sucked into this desperate , drama filled reaction they are having and tend to grab someones hand and lead them around. not allowing them to DO IT themselves.
This is seen as helpful.. yet.. it isnt.

Do help her.
Help all you can.
But ultimatly, it is up to her.
Phone calls to NA? uuuhhhh.. NA.. you just GO to the meeting.

She isnt there yet. And that is ok.
It takes a while for someone to come back down to earth and learn to put one foot in front of the other with out the sole purpose of propelling themselves to another high.

AND- .. oy vey.. I feel bad about saying this but -

Religion does not make someone sober. Finding a god, or a goddess, or a being , doesnt cure addiction. if it did, we would not have addicts in this world.

One thing, ALOT of people ' did for me' when i was in my numerous attempts to sober up.. was take me to church, work energy on me.. etc..etc..

The only cure to addiction is to stay sober.
When i was told that all i had to do was find god, or pray, or meditate.. and the feelings would be gone.. I would do it.. and the feelings were still there.


Talk about a let down.

Prayer does not stop the addicts body from craving drugs. Please.. PLEASE.. dont tell her other wise. I dont know if you have, or even if that is an intention of yours.. but I had to say that.. because so many people told me it would.. that it hurt even more when it didnt.

Honesty is what will sober her up. Brutal, complete honesty.
She needs to get off her computer, and go to an NA meeting. Stop using the phone calls that she ALREADY knows will not be answered.. as an excuse.. and just go.

Dropping drug friends is the same principle.
Just stop going over to their homes
Stop calling them
Stop going where they are.
JUST STOP.

Staying sober falls into the same catagory ( though is much more of a fight to maintain but...)

JUST DONT TAKE ANYMORE.

Easier said then done when the body is physically caving in with out the drug.
easier said then done when someone is sick from not having a drug
easier said then done when someone cant hold their bowel movements due to drug overdose.
>sigh<

I am going to be busted in the chops for some of the things I say here.
Fact of the matter is that playing the " its ok.. dont worry " game with an addict, leads them back to drugs.

Call it TUFF love,

call it rude,

but my entire advice to you for her is to stop giving her room to make excuses.
you can not hold her hand.. she is miles away.
but you can put her actions in front of her and give her a fire under her butt she may not have.

No excuses. no phone calls, she knows they are not going to be answered, so stop making them,
Tell her to go to an na meeting. JUST GO.
Dont answer your phone. Dont call your old friends. Dont do the same things you have done before, because you will get the same results.

Takeing that stand point with her may be more of a help then anything.

Im going to stop rambling now because i believe I have lost my train of thought and am just talking about nothing now..
>sigh<

but I will thank you FOR HER- for giving a **** about her enough to ask for outside help.
Most of us addicts dont come into contact with people who care enough to do that.

Spoken from experience...perhaps she should see this and know that she isn't alone.

shewolfnm,

You are exactly what I and she needed! I mean exactly!

Yes, I am a recovering addict of many years so I know the feelings of which you speak. And yes, I know I cannot do a thing. She has to do it.

She is doing the things I suggest from the 12 Steps. She is having a rough time but she is at least putting forth the effort. As long as she puts forth some effort, I will help. I did get her to go to this recovery site and start posting to others in recovery. They are also trying to get her to understand the importance of the meetings. And yes, I will withdraw if she does not start attending meetings. I have told her I cannot keep her clean.

Shewolfnm, this is the link to that recovery site. You can find her as helpme under Cocaine/Crack. I would be so honored if you could post what you just posted here on that forum to her. I believe this is exactly what she needs to hear. Yes, she hears some things from me, but many she does not.

I told her right now, her most important thought has to be to STAY CLEAN. She has to be willing do to anything to stay clean. She sure would have done anything to use. So, if you would, please post what is here on that forum. God bless you, girl.

http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/message_board/index.php

And yes, Bella, she is not alone. She even has those out there like you and others, she does not even know.

I have such tears of joy from all of you!

MA, my heart goes out to you. Shewolf, you put it so well -- many might have your experiences but not the mind and soul to pour it out like that for others.

I was better than some, worse than others; moving a thousand miles to a city where I didn't know anyone, didn't have any money or transportation, and (because of family help) didn't have to go out of the house to work and deal with "society" helped me. It's certainly not a solution for most people, but I know I would probably have stayed in serious trouble if I hadn't moved...

What anyone who wants to quit must do, though, is somehow GET YOUR A$S OUT OF THE MIX. Get away from it, stay away from it. Go to different stores, walk on different streets, take different bus routes if you must but get away from the whole drug scene... and everyone in it, no matter how close a friend you think they are.

Wy,

You are so right on! Yes, I have been telling my friend, change those play places, playthings, and playmates! She is finally starting to understand why. Yesterday, she told me she drove to her dealer's house on her way home from work. She sat in the car and said to herself, "What is the next right thing to do?" I stress that to her constantly! She told me she started crying! She said, "I cried because I didn't do the next right thing!" LOL. She drove away from the house and immediately called me. After reading shewolfnm's first post, she finally understood why she HAD to call Narcotics Anonymous. She has made numerous calls to them within the past two days and is planning to take that next step and GO TO A MEETING! Woo Hoo!

I would like to keep this thread going because it has been of great help to me. Someday, I will point her to it so she can see that there really are people out there who do care and understand.

Bless all of you so much! You have been a blessing to me and to her!

Noddy,

Thanx for that phone number! The ones on the other end of that number returned her call immediately! She was put in touch with a woman and is keeping in contact with her!

I thank God for each and everyone of you!

Mamma Angel--

Google is a wonderful resource.

Noddy,

You would think I would know that by now, wouldn't you? I keep forgetting Google and just using Yahoo. duh Momma!

And I thought I was on a roller coaster when I was using drugs!

Ok, here's the deal. She takes care of children. She is a nanny. Today, she had someone bring drugs to her at a restaurant during the kids' birthday party! She called me and told me. She said she wouldn't use while she is at work.

I said, "You do not get in that car with those drugs when you leave work!" I told her to call NA and get some people to come and help her get rid of them because she cannot do it herself. Then, she is to go with them to a meeting immediately.

She is now endangering the lives of the children she takes care of! The next thing she knows she will be shooting up while at work!

Please tell me, did I do the right thing? If not, what do I do? I told her I cannot help her if she does not stop using nor can I help her if she doesn't go to meetings. I know this is true and I will let her go. She is about to lose it all and perhaps she has to so she can understand.

;-)

Thank you! Read you loud and clear. :wink:

M A: you are absolutely doing the right thing w/your friend. You cannot doubt you are. Speaking from a counselor's standpoint,your friend must
immediately admit herself to a 30-day in hospital detox program. Of course,she won't 'til she's ready,but hopefully she won't have to hit rock-bottom before she does. That about having drugs brought to her on the job scares the@@@@ out of me! You've told her right in everything so far.
If she ever does go into a hospital de-tox program,they will get her safely off crack and anything else,and give her legitimate meds to ease over the rough spots. You friend is a prime example of why drug counseling is so frustrating.
The user keeps relapsing 'til they either hit their rock bottom and clean up,or die.
Blessings on your efforts MA, you've done the right thing,no matter what