A slight problem was again encountered, but rectified when Penbury arrived and did his usual trick, placing his hands on each ear and pressing in a semi violent manner. Nearly always works.
Now...where was I?
Found gadget thingy....proceeded to checkout....oh yes.
As I approached the checkout, I noticed that there was only one cash till open, manned by a youth that, if he acquired one more spot on his face, they would all join up and become a single, large boil. One would have thought that the eyebrow ring would have assisted in relieving the internal pressure somewhat, but obviously not.
He was as slow as buggery, and entertained the awaiting throng by letting us know all about the successful evening he had experienced, with a female pustule that he had taken out. He wasn't exactly talking TO us, rather OVER us to his friend, Master Nosering, who was stacking nearby shelves.
I went to take my place in the formidable queue, and noticed that a lady was also taking the place, from the opposite side. I gestured to her to go in front, and she replied by saying something American, which when it was boiled down and translated, was roughly appreciative in the thanking sense.
Now....as you know, I am not one to waffle on and am a man of very few words, but on this occasion I felt that having a chat for the next two hours while Browring discussed bra clips, was preferrable to standing and thinking about what was starting to move in the mid abdominal area.
I thanked her for thanking me (a good British tradition, sometimes involving various grades of head nodding and lasting for up to ten minutes..."Thank you"...."that's quite alright, thank you for thanking me" etc etc) and asked whether she was on holiday............
Second half is starting......and it's ARSENAL!
Arsenal 2 Ajax 1.....hoorah!
.......I asked her if she was on holiday over here, and she told me that she had been living here for a little while, in the same road as her sister in law.
She then told me about her husband, and the fact that her two sons lived and worked in London (one for B.P....the other I don't remember).
I asked her what she thought of England, and she said it was cold compared to where she was in the USA, which was right down near the Mexican border. Did she miss anything? Among other things, she apparently missed a good salad, blue skies and roads without tons of traffic. She then said that she regularly watched the American news channels, liked the fact that we had "Frasier" and other such programmes over here, but much preferred our TV, as there were less commercials. She positively loved the BBC channels, especially the documentaries and travel programmes. That was the point when she mentioned her sister in law teaching her the computer, and them spending lots of time looking at various things to do with travel (they go on at least one cruise per year), and reading up on various sites to do with America.
I then opened my big gob and told her about A2K, saying that I am always chatting to her fellow countrymen on a regular basis. I thought I was just being polite and helpful.
Her response, as far as I can remember, was "I love that place, we always go there and find something to read up on".
I wasn't taken aback at this point, as all of the possible pitfalls hadn't sunk in, so I said something like "I'm always on there, they are a great laugh"...........she then looked at me in a "I know you" sort of way, and said "You must be either Lord Ellpus (yes....I was first, I'm afraid) Steve or Spendius" and my mouth sort of dropped.
We were still about four or five customers back from the till, and the grilling started. I tried to look as casual as poss, and said jokingly "Aha! that would be telling"...and then she went through the analysis.....McTag lives up North and he's Scottish....I remember that bit...she didn't mention Clary and said that we were the only ones to live in London or the south, (and this was the bit that hurt) apart from Prince, who she reckoned was dark and handsome, so she knew I wasn't him!....bloody cheek.
I then told a little porkie and said that I wasn't one of the three, and she said that I must be telling everyone that I lived somewhere else then, as she couldn't think of anyone else.
I ALMOST considered fibbing even more, as my mind was by now racing away, but tried to deflect the situation by saying things like "Oh, you must know Kicky (sorry Kicky...first name that sprang to mind) and she immediately went into his travel to Italy thread...how it was interesting and how they wanted to travel to Sienna etc. She also liked his rambling threads with the usual suspects in the humour section.
That opened it up, and she went on about the various travel threads, the photographs, how she enjoyed the "where am I" thread, and various other bits and pieces. She loved reading Gus, and said it reminded her of a cousin, who was exactly like him (seriously). She reckoned that Gus was a writer of some sort, trying his stuff out on us.
Montana got a mention (can't remember specifics), as did Charlie, or Charli...... and Lord Ellpus apparently raised a few laughs with his holiday thread.
I was VERY tempted to come clean after receiving this praise, but I suddenly thought of all the things I had banged on about in there, so I thought better of it.
About now, she was having her radio bagged up by the cashier, and was due to leave. She said that she would LOVE to know who I was, so I told her that I would give it a mention when I got back....which I did.
She said that she would register (or her sister in law would) sometime soon, and said it was nice meeting me, before buggering off.
I paid for my gadget shortly afterwards, and left the store about two or three minutes after her.....praying that she would not be there to continue the grilling.
Back in the safety of my own home, I felt that I would start the thread and reveal myself, so to speak.....in a fit of bravado, really.
Silly me.
spendius wrote:Well now it's full time.
Sorry for the delay Mr S, I was watching the Man U Highlights.....did well, all in all, didn't we.
Well now she knows who she was talking to and I have to say she is a smart lady to have picked you out right off. She must spend more than a fair bit on this site if she knew everyone who posts from the U.K. and America. Even I don't know all that stuff. But then again I have a head like a sieve. I can't retain anything ... except water.
And I remember ages ago that the Prince did post a picture of himself, or there were pics of a London get-together? and she's right - he is a cutie-pie - dark and handsome.
Now she HAS to join and tell us all what a devilishly handsome brute you are with a face like a well-slapped arse! I'm looking forward to it.
Wonderful story, everything has been explained perfectly
...now
I even know you better than I did before :wink:
I cant BELIEVE this!
Arsenal beat Ajax?
Isn't AJAX a cleaning substance that you use on the oven? I didn't know Arsenal could get grease off with elbow power!
I don't believe this five minute thing in the queue.
He obviously had her on a corner bar stool.
Sheesh-these Peers of the Realm eh?
Spendius...URGENT dont place that bet.
Lord E. Everyone is now fully convinced of the veracity of your story. The final proof of course will be when the lady in question logs on and tells her version.
Nimh, Even more surprisingly Man U beat Benfica. [I have the match programme from the last time they played and Utd won 4:1..... at Wembley 1968]
Ajax
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Ajax Cleanser, With Bleach
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I said I would solve this mystery. http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=60374
