Im thinking that some thought went into this thread, I eagerly await confirmation.
I've been impatiently awaiting such a devoutly desired consumation my own self . . .
Paddy is walking down the road with a sack over his shoulder. The sack is moving, and there is a lot of noise coming from it....mainly squealing.
A policeman stops him and asks if he has piglets in the sack.
"Yes" says Paddy, looking worried.
"If I can tell you how many piggies you have, will you give me one? " says the Constable.
"If you can tell me how many pigs I have" says Paddy "I'll give you both of 'em! "
I was a Protestant once upon a time, damn you!
You leave them alone!
If the Church of England is really Protestant - apart from consubstantiation and no pope, I am not sure if it counts....
in the email tonight
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his new Ford Explorer into an Irish gas station. Paddy greeted him in the typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro was. "Top of the mornin' to ya!" Paddy, doffing his cap. As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his pocket. "So what are those, lad?" asked Paddy. "They're called tees," replied Tiger. "And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired Paddy. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive, " said Tiger. "AW! Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed Paddy. "Those fellas at FORD think of everything!"
Ah, but the sea is wide, and i cannot cross over.
Nor have i wings, so that i might fly . . .
The pond is the only thing which will keep you alive this nigth, Lordofthesuicidallyfoolishjoke . . .
An American Hippie, a Paddy, and The Brain of Britain were all in a charter plane bound for the Faroes, when it suddenly developed engine trouble. To their horror, the pilot and copilot, buckling on parachutes, rushed from the cockpit, and throwing two parachute packs at their feet, wished them luck, popped off the door and bailed.
The Brit grabbed a pack, and announcing that his great intellect must not be lost to the world, pulled it over his shoulders and leaped through the door. The Irishman turned to the Hippie, saying:
Sure, Boyo, Oi've lived a long and peaceful life, and squandered a deal of it at the local. Yer young, with so much ahead of ye, so you take the other parachute, and may Jaysus presairve ye.
To which the Hippie replied:
Hey, no problem, we're both cool, the Brain of Britain just jumped out wearing my knapsack . . .
Setanta wrote:Ah, but the sea is wide, and i cannot cross over.
Nor have i wings, so that i might fly . . .
The pond is the only thing which will keep you alive this nigth, Lordofthesuicidallyfoolishjoke . . .
I do love Carrrick Fergus.
Are ultra montane Catholics subject to the same defects as Protestants? Paddy, after is likely one.
WALKING across a bridge, I saw a man on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said: "Yes."
I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me, too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me, too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Me, too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me, too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me, too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
JESUS came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death. Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
An old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The young lady collapsed dead.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, mother, sometimes you really are annoying."
Setanta wrote:ehBeth wrote:in the email tonight
"Those fellas at FORD think of everything!"
T'ink, Miss girl . . .
Dem fellas at Ford t'ink of everyt'ing!
"Doze"....Set.
Doze fellas at Ford t'ink of everyting.
I got that from a nice Macedonian girl.
She doesn't "t'ink".
A Paddy and a Prod are skulkin' around the Falls Road in Belfast, when the both come around a corner at the same instant and pulling their pistols, shoot one another dead on the spot.
Arriving before St. Peter, they find a very irritated Archangel.
You know, you Irish really hack me off. The lot of you are always mouthing pious phrases, and then killing each other in the name of Jesus. I've had it. Neither one of you gets in unless you can demonstrate at least a modicum of religious knowledge. Take a seat!
So, he calls the Prod up and demands that he explain the mystery of Easter. Of course, being a Prod, he is totally clueless, so ZAP ! ! ! in a cloud of brimstone, off to Hell with him. Paddy is really sweatin' bullets now. St. Peter calls him up:
OK, Paddy, you can see what happended to your "freind." Now explain to me the mystery of Easter.
Well, well . . . dey took our Lord Jaysus Christ out, an' dey hung on a cross.
Yeah, i'm listening, go on . . .
An' den, dey took him down, and dey laid him out in deh tomb.
Yeah, and?
An', an' . . . an' after t'ree days, he arose again from deh dead.
OK, Paddy, you're almost there, and the mystery of Easter?
Well, well . . . now correct may if Oi'm wrong, but eff he sees his shadow . . .
georgeob1 wrote:I do love Carrrick Fergus.
First class weepy pub song for just before closing time . . .
Quote:Are ultra montane Catholics subject to the same defects as Protestants? Paddy, after is likely one.
No--we got dispensation for 'em so we'd have someone to make mock of when the Prods are all roasting in a lake of molten brimstone.
Love these jokes !!! Thanks !
I like weepy pub songs too, but rousing ones like Captain Farrell and Finnegan's Wake even better.
Wail, essa bowt effen toim. "Die heretic scum" hee hee
As I was goin' over
Kilgarra Mountain
I spied Colonel Farrell
And his money he was countin'
Well first I drew me pistol
And then I drew me rapier
Sayin' stand and deliver
For I am your bold deceiver
Misha ringum-duram da
Wack-fol the derry-oh
Wack-fol the derry-oh
There's whiskey in the jar
I'd like to find me brother
The one that's in the army
But i don't know where he's stationed
Is it Cork or in Kilarney
Together we'd go roamin'
O'er the mountains of Kilkenny
And i swear he'd treat me better
Than me handsome, sportin' Jenny
Misha ringum-duram da
Wack-fol the derry-oh
Wack-fol the derry-oh
There's whiskey in the jar . . .
I can do the full Finnegan's Wake from memory as well, but i don't want to clog up the thread . . .
damn, thanks for the chorus
I always thought it was
"whack off the fairy oh"
How very revealing . . . you sure you ain't no Prod?
