Terms of endearment in the workplace

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I have a question to ask. As many of you know I work for a major medical company providing life saving medications to patients who apply and get approved for it. I'm no a customer service rep at Walmart processing a return on a shirt you wore once and didn't like. I don't work the counter at Target for you bringing back a TV that your child threw a toy truck at and shattered the screen. This is life saving medication so I am giving you a level of professionalism which is top notch. One of my biggest pet peeves is being called a cutesy name like sweetie, sweetheart, honey, or baby. I don't know you on those levels so I expect you to respect me just as much as I will respect you. I'm not going to have a patient's account pulled up in front of me but still call them honey or baby. When that comes up I politely correct them and give them my name again. I don't yell, I don't curse, I am very polite because all of our calls are recorded. Here's what happened.

I was speaking with a customer and during the call the patient called me sweetheart. I politely corrected them as to what my name was and I continued to assist the patient. Apparently the patient had another question or they just wanted to call back to voice their concerns. Another rep got the call and a few minutes ago that rep pinged me on the inner office message system saying, "hey, why are you telling patients not to call you sweetheart?" My reply to her was, "because my name is (insert name) and not sweetheart."

Correct me if I'm wrong but where is it written that we have to let the patients and even doctor office staff call us whatever they want like sweetheart or honey? And how dare a co-worker question me on why I refuse to let a patient call me sweetheart.

How would you have handled this with your co-worker? I mean, there should have been some common sense in play here. Not everyone wants to be called a term of endearment by someone they don't know but was it not rude of a co-worker to question you on it?

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@Barry2021,

The conversation is short, you'll likely never speak to them again... I'd have just let it go.

As far as your co-worker goes, I'd ignore her, too Is she the one you spoke of previously who used 'honey' with you?

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

The conversation is short, you'll likely never speak to them again... I'd have just let it go.

As far as your co-worker goes, I'd ignore her, too Is she the one you spoke of previously who used 'honey' with you?

You're right, the conversation was short and I handled the call but what I really wanted the patient to know is that it's not really polite to call someone a term of endearment like that especially someone you don't know. Maybe they can take what I said and apply it to he next time the call a company or business or their utility company looking for some assistance. No, this is not the same co-worker from about a year ago. And even with her I addressed it with her that it was not polite to address someone on the company chat with baby or sweetie. She would literally be responding to a group Microsoft Teams chat and type baby or sweetie in the chat when addressing another co-worker even when that co-worker's name was sitting right there on her screen.

And please let's not make this a conversation about "well you're a customer service rep so you should just let them call you what they want to." No, that will never fly with me. I have a name and I give my name when I answer and greet the caller. If you don't remember it there's nothing wrong with just asking or a simple sir will suffice.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

I'm with you.

For women in particular, the endearments can be infantilizing. People may not even realize they're doing it, but they are essentially reducing an adult employee to how we talk to kids and animals.

It is something of a cultural thing in the south, but that doesn't excuse it; that just makes it more prevalent there. What's next, "sweet cakes", or a pat on the head or on the ass?

I don't honestly expect people to remember my name in a two-minute phone call where we've never talked before and are highly unlikely to speak with each other again. But the solution isn't to call someone an endearment; it's to use an honorific like sir or ma'am or Ms. or miss.

Even if you're unsure of gender on the other end of the line/you know you're speaking with someone who's nonbinary, you can use a term like doctor or colonel if appropriate.

Or, here's a wild concept: ask.

Quote:

* What would you like to be called?
* Can I call you Mike, or Mr. Smith? You prefer Michael? Terrific, let's pull up your file, Michael.
* Please forgive me if I mispronounce your name; I want to get it right. I apologize in advance for any flubs, Ms. Paszkiewicz.
* Oh, Mrs. Johnson, you've gone back to Ms. Adams? I'll be sure to make a note of this in the file.

This is not hard, people.

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

I'm with you.

For women in particular, the endearments can be infantilizing. People may not even realize they're doing it, but they are essentially reducing an adult employee to how we talk to kids and animals.

It is something of a cultural thing in the south, but that doesn't excuse it; that just makes it more prevalent there. What's next, "sweet cakes", or a pat on the head or on the ass?

I don't honestly expect people to remember my name in a two-minute phone call where we've never talked before and are highly unlikely to speak with each other again. But the solution isn't to call someone an endearment; it's to use an honorific like sir or ma'am or Ms. or miss.

Even if you're unsure of gender on the other end of the line/you know you're speaking with someone who's nonbinary, you can use a term like doctor or colonel if appropriate.

Or, here's a wild concept: ask.

Quote:
* What would you like to be called?
* Can I call you Mike, or Mr. Smith? You prefer Michael? Terrific, let's pull up your file, Michael.
* Please forgive me if I mispronounce your name; I want to get it right. I apologize in advance for any flubs, Ms. Paszkiewicz.
* Oh, Mrs. Johnson, you've gone back to Ms. Adams? I'll be sure to make a note of this in the file.

This is not hard, people.

Exactly, I work in the south and I was born and raised in the south but how would you think my bosses or managers would take it if they review a call and I answer the phone, "Hey yall, how can I help ya?" There is still a level of professionalism that is expected to be given.

Sir or ma'am would work great anything short of "excuse me but what did you say your name was, I forgot."

And I've had that situation where a patient preferred I call them Mrs. Tyler (ex). and to me that seems very informal too. So now by me having to call you Mrs. Tyler then you are now saying you're more important than me so I need to treat you like you're my boss or supervisor or you're my teacher and I need to call you Mr. or Mrs. Whatever. That doesn't bother me as much but it still makes me wonder that you think so highly of yourself that people you don't know need to address you as Mr. or Mrs. Typically we're on a first name basis. "Good afternoon John, let me check the status of that shipment for you. This woman gave me the impression that when her grandkids call her instead of them saying grandma you need to call me grandmother.

And even on this site I've taken a lot of criticism from people saying I should just suck it up and not let it bother me. Well it does. I'll bet these people don't call their pastor by his/her first name. I'll bet they don't call their doctor by their name. And I bet you they wouldn't call a judge by their first name, much less a term of endearment.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

And even on this site I've taken a lot of criticism from people saying I should just suck it up and not let it bother me. Well it does. I'll bet these people don't call their pastor by his/her first name. I'll bet they don't call their doctor by their name. And I bet you they wouldn't call a judge by their first name, much less a term of endearment.

If you're referring to my response, I was not criticizing you. I agreed with you in the other thread about your colleague because you're continually in contact with her and you've told her several times. It's disrespectful. In that post, I wrote that I have a thing with people shortening my name. I don't bother correcting people if I'm only going to be talking with them once, but if it's going to be a regular occurrence, then I will. I've had to do this over and over my whole life. I get what you're saying. When someone continually shortens my name, I call them one similar to theirs and when they correct me, I say, and MY name is BLANK, not BL, thank you. That usually works.

I don't know what you can do to solve this issue other than trying not to let it bother you if they keep doing it or you could try what I've done.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

And even on this site I've taken a lot of criticism from people saying I should just suck it up and not let it bother me. Well it does. I'll bet these people don't call their pastor by his/her first name. I'll bet they don't call their doctor by their name. And I bet you they wouldn't call a judge by their first name, much less a term of endearment.

If you're referring to my response, I was not criticizing you. I agreed with you in the other thread about your colleague because you're continually in contact with her and you've told her several times. It's disrespectful. In that post, I wrote that I have a thing with people shortening my name. I don't bother correcting people if I'm only going to be talking with them once, but if it's going to be a regular occurrence, then I will. I've had to do this over and over my whole life. I get what you're saying. When someone continually shortens my name, I call them one similar to theirs and when they correct me, I say, and MY name is BLANK, not BL, thank you. That usually works.

I don't know what you can do to solve this issue other than trying not to let it bother you if they keep doing it or you could try what I've done.

No, I wasn't referring to you. I posted a similar scenario some time ago and a number of the people who responded said that when you're dealing with people who may be sick or in dire need of medicine then you should take being called sweetheart with a grain of salt and not let it bother you. Maybe I'm wrong but even if your blood sugar spikes or drops that doesn't mean you can be disrespectful. Diabetes is a disease but 99% of the people who call us aren't calling when they are sick. They just want to find out if they've been approved or if their medication has shipped yet. You can't be nasty to someone or disrespect them simply because you're sick or not feeling well.

I was speaking with a woman one day and she repeatedly kept calling me sweetie or baby. When I called her on it this was her reply. "Oh, I'm sorry, I call my kids that." When did I become one of your kids. Some people think it's fine to just call someone whatever they want and it should be totally fine. I think a lot of people, when they think customer service reps, think that the majority of those who work that job are high schoolers or kids fresh out of college so calling them sweetie or baby is fine because these kids can't do any better at the moment. Awww, bless their hearts.

But in regards to what happened yesterday I still can't believe that my co-worker had the nerve to even question me on why am I telling patients not to call me sweetheart. Would you bring this up to your manager or supervisor like several other co-workers suggested or would you do like I did and discuss it directly with the co-worker. Again my answer to her question was because my name is (name) and not sweetheart.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

So many of your problems are of your own making, just let it go, it doesn't matter.

You remind me of the Python sketch, "May I call you Eddie baby?"

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Not this, again.

You don't want to listen to anybody for any reason. Sure, go ahead and glorify a Customer Service phone rep all you want, but let's get real here, you ARE a Customer Service phone rep. This is your J-O-B. It's what you get paid to do to earn a paycheck. And you got nailed for poor service.

A customer just didn't call back because they had additional questions, they called back specifically to complain about YOU. You took a mundane and simple call and turned it into a personal rant. You think a colloquial is somehow a personal attack and it's not.

People have told you to just get over it, not because it's not bothersome (because it is) but because you showed a lack of professionalism that's warranted for your customer service position.

Your rant about doctors, lawyers, pastors and the like, well, they've earned their titles and if they get called "sweetie" or "darling" or whatever, they shrug it off and go on. As you should too.

All you calls are recorded and monitored so you should expect Management to pull that call and listen to the exchange. It probably rises to the level of an eye roll and nothing will come of it.

Your complaint with your co-worker is silly. It's not easy taking heat for a co-worker. You're not understanding what that person's call was like, having to listen and respond to your unprofessionalism.

Drop it.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Calling people by their correct forms of address is about as personal as it gets. If you don't want to be "sweetheart", that is perfectly fair.

1 Reply

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Calling people by their correct forms of address is about as personal as it gets. If you don't want to be "sweetheart", that is perfectly fair.

Not according to several here on this board. My job or choice of employment means I should accept being called sweetheart or any other term of endearment and I should just roll with the punches.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Ask enough people and you will get a diverse range of answers. This is the Internet. I wouldn't let it bother you.

1 Reply

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Ask enough people and you will get a diverse range of answers. This is the Internet. I wouldn't let it bother you.

I'm not but I just can't understand why some people feel that someone calling you something other than your God given name should be totally fine. And I'm not talking about your name being Richard and you get called Dick. Or for a girl if your name is Samantha but people just like to call you Sam. I know a kid whose parents named her Danielle and I called her Dani for short. She was totally fine with it but we're not talking about shortening a name. We're talking about just being called a sweet cutesy name like honey, sugar, baby, or sweetheart. No, I don't expect every patient to remember my name when I answer the call and greet them but sir works just as good and is not offensive. Some people choose not to call a total stranger sir because that may seem to put them in a position of authority and I guess I can see that. I've even had people call me "young man" and that was fine with me. It is about what you prefer to be called and what you allow others to call you.

No lie, I just started working and my very first call the woman called me hun. "Good morning, how you doin hun?" I would never call a business and speak like that. Again, maybe it's just me. I wouldn't care if I was calling my insurance company or calling the restaurant down the street to see what time they stop serving breakfast.

2 Replies

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

I know a kid whose parents named her Danielle and I called her Dani for short. She was totally fine with it but we're not talking about shortening a name.

I get where you are coming from, but what you describe is the same. You don't get to decide to "shorten" a name (which is actually using a diminutive form.) Unless Danielle told you to call her by a diminutive, doing so is exactly what you complain about.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

If I rang the hospital, chemist, doctors, lawyer or anyone of a professional nature and they gave me a sweet cutesy name like honey, sugar, baby, or sweetheart I would be very shocked and taken aback.

Similar if any of those rang me there is no way on this earth I would say any cutesy name/s to them.

My doctor/s and receptionists have known me for many years, on occasions when I have received a call from them I have been addressed with my first name, which is acceptable in a relatively warm friendly way.

1 Reply

@Bubbles66,

Bubbles66 wrote:

If I rang the hospital, chemist, doctors, lawyer or anyone of a professional nature and they gave me a sweet cutesy name like honey, sugar, baby, or sweetheart I would be very shocked and taken aback.

Similar if any of those rang me there is no way on this earth I would say any cutesy name/s to them.

My doctor/s and receptionists have known me for many years, on occasions when I have received a call from them I have been addressed with my first name, which is acceptable in a relatively warm friendly way.

Exactly! would you call your chemist, doctor, lawyer or anyone of a professional nature and call them sweetie, honey, or hun? And I wouldn't care if all a person did was work in a convenience store, that makes it no less of their profession because they don't have Dr in front of their name or Esq behind it. I'd never walk into a gas station and tell the girl behind the counter, "Hey sugar britches let me get a pack of Newports." A customer service rep deserves the same amount of respect as the person filling your prescription, the police officer who comes to write up an accident report, or the doctor who is about to give you your diagnosis. There should just be somethings we need to stop saying or tolerating in society. I'd never leave church and on the way out the door say, "great sermon today John."

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

When I worked for the social most people would call me a ******* arsehole, so think yourself lucky.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

When I worked for the social most people would call me a ******* arsehole, so think yourself lucky.

A woman some time ago tried that with me. Again, she called me a cutesy term of endearment and when I asked her to please call me by my name her response was, "oh, I'm sorry. Can I call you asshole?" She quickly got hung up on. Now mind you, she was on our program needing life saving medication but she was talking to the person who is responsible for shipping her medication a foul name. If I was a nasty person I could have stopped her shipment or just completely removed her from our program with the click of one button. You don't know the power someone may have by doing things like this.

Many years ago I worked for Onstar and I heard this story. One guy I worked with took a call and I guess the person, who was in their car, was being mean or rude to him. So after the call he sent a signal to her car to honk the horn repeatedly, lock and unlock her doors multiple times, and flashing her lights. Can you imagine the person's dilemma when that happened and they could do nothing about it to make it stop. Yeah, the guy was fired, as he should. I say that to mean just be a little nicer to the person on the phone because they have your account in their hands.

2 Replies

@Barry2021,

Quote:

I say that to mean just be a little nicer to the person on the phone because they have your account in their hands.

I say you be nice to the person on the phone because it is the civil and right thing to do. I have found if I am understanding to someone on the phone no matter what their position, you get much more civil and useful help and often times over expectations in service. I can attest that doing this has resulted in me having very positive experiences and more often even getting more than I requested. I just feel there is enough meanness in the world and you can brighten someone's day that may have been dealing with a bunch of jerks all day.

I see your point on requesting respect. Personally, I would not get angry or frustrated with someone coming me one of those terms. However, I would not like it and like you would request kindly if they could call me by my name. Reason I would not get angry is that everyone is different; someone may feel this is a more caring way to speak to you; just they have a different perspective. Conversely, they should respect you once you ask them to use your name. If they called me a$$hole, I would politely ask them why they would be so disrespectful and rude? I think you have every right in standing up for yourself, but you are just as bad if you are rude back; calling them out on their bad behavior by being firm, but polite is completely appropriate.

1 Reply

@RPhalange,

RPhalange wrote:

Quote:
I say that to mean just be a little nicer to the person on the phone because they have your account in their hands.

I say you be nice to the person on the phone because it is the civil and right thing to do. I have found if I am understanding to someone on the phone no matter what their position, you get much more civil and useful help and often times over expectations in service. I can attest that doing this has resulted in me having very positive experiences and more often even getting more than I requested. I just feel there is enough meanness in the world and you can brighten someone's day that may have been dealing with a bunch of jerks all day.

I see your point on requesting respect. Personally, I would not get angry or frustrated with someone coming me one of those terms. However, I would not like it and like you would request kindly if they could call me by my name. Reason I would not get angry is that everyone is different; someone may feel this is a more caring way to speak to you; just they have a different perspective. Conversely, they should respect you once you ask them to use your name. If they called me a$$hole, I would politely ask them why they would be so disrespectful and rude? I think you have every right in standing up for yourself, but you are just as bad if you are rude back; calling them out on their bad behavior by being firm, but polite is completely appropriate.

That's the thing, I can't be rude because 100% of our calls are recorded. I ask nicely can you please call me by my name. How is that rude to a patient? My name is my name. But because I technically work customer service, that doesn't mean I want to be called sweetheart, baby, or honey.

And I don't think I should have to ask to be respected. Respect should just be a given.

1 Reply

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