Should I be concerned about wife's contact with ex?

My first husband was a very jealous, very suspicious man and made my life miserable. He constantly worried about men including cousins and other people who would never be partners for me. Little by little I kept cutting all the offensive things to him out of my life until my life became the ultimate zero.

After a violent exchange at home, I finally left and never went back. Turns out the unfaithful one was him......he was such a jerk he implied I set him up with other women to trap him. Our marriage ended 46 years ago, and I have not had an anxious moment since...no more calming down rage filled husband, no more answering questions that make no sense, no more of any of that.

Maybe your wife would be much happier without your jealous fantasies.

Sorry Neptune, I didn't mean this as an answer to you......I was a little careless.

I agree! Just reading this constant insecure dribble that she could maybe like someone else better than him, would drive any woman out the door.

This type of jealous behavior is not healthy and I do agree with neptuneblue, sooner or later she'll toss his sorry ass out the door. He needs psychological help and the sooner the better.

Yes, the sooner the better.

I’m currently doing individual therapy as well.

I’m not normally an insecure person and I don’t mind her having male friends so that has never been an issue. I’m also not constantly voicing these concerns to her, just trying to quiet my mind and looking for reassurance as my mind often jumps to the negative conclusion.

Though I can’t imagine she would be okay with me still following an ex and liking her selfies and pictures of her in a bikini.

What exactly, is wrong with liking an ex's pics on Facebook? Do you feel that somehow that's disrespectful to YOU? Why? How does that reflect on you in any way? Why do you feel this is all about you anyway?

You "say" you're ok with her having male friends, but are you really? You sure have not proven that's the case here.

Doesn’t mean anything to me if it’s just a male friend.

The issue for me is that it’s an ex that is different then just a friend, there were romantic feelings involved.

Also probably wouldn’t be an issue if it were one or two. It’s damn near every one and some that are definite “thirst traps.”

Maybe if I knew of the relationships existence it wouldn’t be an issue either but this caught me off guard.

Were is the operative word here though. It's like you don't understand the passage of time can allow romantic feelings to fade. Friendship goes beyond that. Again, how does her friendship with him have any bearing on you?

I guess I’m a bit more traditional in thinking exs have no place in your current life. Especially in a marriage.

I don’t understand leaving the door open.

Makes me worry about feelings rekindling or have never gone away since it’s been going on since we started dating a month or so after they broke up.

There is no door open for him. She's made that quite clear.

Yeah I guess I need to trust her in that statement and try to move past it.

Trust is a major part of a marriage. You don't trust her now. How is the future going to be when you question every move she makes?

So I should preface this with the fact that having a child put a big stress on our marriage. My wife struggled with post partum and I was overworked and overwhelmed with raising a child.

We have since worked through that and he is a happy and healthy one year old. My wife has grown as a mother and we are working more in unison.

This “discovery” of mine came on the heels of a difficult conversation we had that we needed to focus more on our marriage as we had disconnected and become almost like room mates since having a child.

She expressed that her normal instinct is to run when things go south but said she wants to work on this with me.

We have been finding time to date, attend therapy together and connect.

Objectively all is getting better but the thought of losing her really spiked my insecurity and territorial feelings.

I should add that following that conversation I also saw a text conversation between her and a female co worker gushing about how one of the doctors in the office complimented her new hair color.

Lol! Ok then.

Divorce that cheatin'whore!!

Seriously, just stop.

Well, context was needed.

I’m not normally this neurotic.

Yes you are, I don't care how often you say it........you really are a jealous spouse. Perhaps you won't really notice until you rob your marriage of all aspects of respect. When she finally has had enough of your untrusting habits and crazy worries, she will be anxious to meet anyone who won't make her crazy over every second in the day. But it will happen because of you and your possessive insecurity and attitude.

I mean I’ve only ever gotten jealous over one person in the 7 years we’ve been together but sure.

Are you being honest with yourself?

You have been told that you exhibit a number of traits of a controlling possessive man by those who know from bitter experience what that is.

You could have taken that on board, thought about the impact those traits are having on your wife and your relationship.

You might have thought about changing that, letting silly unimportant things go.

You didn't do any off that, instead we got Aw Gee Shucks I've only been jealous once in seven years bollocks.

Nobody believes that load of old pony.

You need to have a serious ******* word with yourself.

Yeah I definitely am considering this is the only instance and I’m working on putting it down. Not really traits when it’s an isolated incident but you know that.