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Do you have conversations with people about things you don't care about?

 
 
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 11:11 am
My wife is upset with me . . . .again . . . because she was off today and apparently had an appointment to go get a massage. She said that she has some back issues and she went to a chiropractor the other day and they suggested a massage. I honestly think my wife is a hypochondriac. Everything hurts and she's lives in the doctor's office. Ok, she walks back into the house and I'm sitting here working. She tells me that her massage really helped so I said ok. She suggested I go get one. I told her my back doesn't hurt and I'm not really a massage person. Never had one and I'm not beating down anyone's door to get one. Side note: My wife doesn't have any friends so she feels that I should be the only one she talks to. I continue working and started to reply to an email. A few seconds go by and she's still standing there looking at me, mind you, I'm still on the clock. I look at her and say, "what?" She said something like, "oh, I guess who ever you're typing to is more important than me." She leaves the house and sends this text. "I forgot that you have this "I don't care" attitude when it comes to me. You can say that you don't but I see otherwise." It's not that I don't care but I don't see the need to have a full conversation about her massage. She told me she had one, I said ok and I'm not a massage person but now she's on this kick to where I need to go schedule one for myself. I love to work with lumber and build things but my wife has zero concern about that stuff so I do not get my panties in a wad because she doesn't care about me talking wood, glue, screws, etc. Am I wrong here?

That on top of the fact that I'm sitting here working and she wants to talk. I can't tell my patients or doctor's offices "hold on, my wife wants to talk about her massage." Or I get a skype message from my boss asking why I've been on break for so long. I can't tell him my wife wanted to talk. When she's working in the kitchen for her job, I walk in, get what I need and walk back out. I don't stand there and talk about lumber expecting her to stop and listen to me.
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 216 • Replies: 12

 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 12:51 pm
Rent an office space. Get out of the house. You two are together WAY too much.

As my mother said - “ You don’t have to answer every barking dog.”
A simple , “ Thanks, Ill consider that.” Could have diffused the exchange. Instead, it turns into an argument.

She is needy and demanding. You are never going to please her . Get out of the house. Things will be so much better with some space between you two.

Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 01:02 pm
@PUNKEY,
I'm not renting an office just to get away from her. When the pandemic hit both of our jobs gave us workstations to set up at home. I 'can't just go move my operation to a rental space. But I do understand where you're coming from. Prior to the pandemic I had the drive home to relax my mind, listen to some radio or a podcast, and just get some fresh air. Now that we've been working from home for over a year when I get off work I'll sometimes tell her I'm going out for a drive to clear my mind and get some fresh air. In her mind that's suspicious because nobody just drives to get some fresh air. The way
I need to get some fresh air is to ask her to go walk with me in a park. Mind you, I'm stuck here at home with her all day long from sun up to sun down so me leaving without her is suspect. "Nobody just drives around wasting gas."

And here's the thing. She's been in and out all day today. Her massage, then she left to go get some lunch. If I were to tell her later after work I'm going out to get some fresh air then I get the side eye.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 03:41 pm
@Barry2021,
If your friend was complaining to you about his wife doing this, what advice would you give him?

Put a "DO NOT DISTURB BETWEEN BLANK A.M. AND BLANK P.M." sign on your door and close it during working hours.

Hold up a sign saying, "I'm a work call. I'll get back to you when I'm finished."

Get her to agree to leave you alone to do your work.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 08:26 pm
To answer the question in the heading yes I do with people I care about. My husband will often times talk about a topic I might have little interest in or if is something he has repeatedly discussed. Yeah it might not be the high interest in something I would like, BUT it's important to him so some I care about him I listen. I am sure not all my interests I rattle on about are of such high interest to him as well.

But if I am in the middle of work or what happens frequently is I have a work call or meeting coming up...I simply say I have a work call in 5 minutes, I will be off in an hour. I think letting someone know when you can talk lets them know you are interested in their concerns while at the same time makes it clear you need to handle work now.

Although I do like Mame's thoughts ... Especially discussing parameters prior so it's clear.
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 08:37 pm
@Barry2021,
Are you sure you're not married to this gal?
https://able2know.org/topic/561160-1#post-7159092
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 08:47 pm
@Mame,
You'd have a better chance at solving world peace. What you're asking would never fly in my house. Reason being my wife is not going to take too well that she can't go into a certain part of the house namely her bedroom between 9 AM and 6 PM. This woman doesn't respect boundaries especially none that are set up by me.
0 Replies
 
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 08:58 pm
@Linkat,
I shouldn't have to let her know when I can talk because she knows I work from 9 am to 6 pm. She was off today so in her mind that meant she has all this free time on her hands. In my mind I'm still working and on the clock. When she walked into the bedroom I was in between work calls but that didn't mean I was available to just chat it up. At any minute my phone could have rung and then my wife would have been upset that I cut her off to get back to work. Talking about a massage could have waited until I got off. I do not mind talking to her but she doesn't understand that there's a time and place for everything. If I'm still on the clock then that is not my time. Standing in the bedroom looking at me until I acknowledge her was definitely not the place. I may have been in my bedroom but from 9 am till 6 pm I am in the office. Just like from 7:30 am to 4 pm the kitchen is her workspace. Again, I do not go talk to her while she's working. What I have to say can wait till we're both off.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 09:00 pm
@jespah,
Yes I think we all believe the same.

The other thought I had is Barry is Also posting as snowed as she seems in her posts that you would be less sympathetic to her rants.

Although both rants are dis likeable.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Sep, 2021 09:03 pm
@Barry2021,
I suggest locking the door during business hours and placing a sign saying what time the door will be unlocked. If you don't have a lock invest in one.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Sat 11 Sep, 2021 12:52 am
@Linkat,
If they weren’t together they’d be making two other people thoroughly miserable.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Sep, 2021 08:45 am
@Barry2021,
I think you are being a little inflexible here. There's no reason why you can't take a five minute break between calls to speak with your wife. That's pretty rigid.

And to answer your question about having conversations with people about things I don't care about - yes! Of course! Everyone does. I may not particularly care to hear about someone's grandchild's activities, but she's a friend, she cares about her grandkid and I care about her, so I listen and ask questions. That's just normal civilized behaviour.
0 Replies
 
mark noble
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 11 Sep, 2021 01:10 pm
@Barry2021,
It's Always the same result - However you try to understand those who you endear unto, invest in and accept as beloved. The answer is ever the same...

Consume a plentiful supply of runner beans, daily.

I can help you out with this, should you choose?

Have a lovely day
0 Replies
 
 

 
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