6
   

What's gotten under his skin today? (Part 2)

 
 
Snowed
 
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 06:08 am
Yesterday my husband and I had our next counseling session and I made mention to bring this issue up with her. I wrote down some notes that I have been saving for a few weeks. For those who don't remember, every morning before work my husband is sitting at his desk in the bedroom and I usually walk in and play with him before he starts his work day. This particular morning when I walked into the room he had his headphones in and was angry with whomever he was talking to. I later find out that he was angry with FedEx over a package that had not been delivered and they couldn't tell him where it was. When I walked in he turned to me in a nasty way and said, "not right now, I'm on a phone call!" Stunned at how he was speaking to me I stood there and asked him who he was talking to and again he sternly said, "why does it matter, this is my phone call!" When I said my side of the story she turned to my husband and asked how he could have approached the situation better. My husband literally snapped at the counselor by saying "why should I have to approach the situation better? She walked in the room to be playful and I told her now was not the time but she stood there and started asking more questions!" The counselor looked at him and told him that later in the day he should have walked up to me and apologized for snapping at me which he hasn't done yet. Granted, the counselor did bring up the fact that sometimes I do ask too many questions when I feel ignored but from the mouth of a trained professional she made it seem that my husband was the one at fault in this. Husbands and wives are supposed to have open communication but in this case he threw everything out the window we had been discussing in counseling simply because he was angry. After our session we were discussing it at home and my husband said that in no way should a person expect to think that when their spouse walks into the room they bring a breath of fresh air in and they immediately calm down any situation. He then told me that the next time I'm on the phone with my oldest son and we are arguing he's going to come talk to me about something unrelated and see how I like it. Since last night he has been giving me the silent treatment. Thank you all for your earlier comments but a trained professional even sided with me. My husband was wrong and should apologize.
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 06:23 am
@Snowed,
AGAIN you have misinterpreted what the counselor meant. She wanted him to
“make nice” after snapping at you. ( He could have said things a little gentler to you and for that perhaps should apologize)

But YOU were acting needy and intrusive at a time when you should have read the situation and simply stepped back.

Instead now, it’s a big issue - but you not getting attention when and where you want is a bigger issue.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 06:35 am
@Snowed,
You're exhausting.

He was on a phone call and he was having a shitty time of it. That's your cue to shut up, get out of the room, and leave him the hell alone.

If you don't want him to blow up at you, then do that ^. Or do you want to play gotcha games and get your therapist to side with you? Your therapist is wrong, BTW. Work phone calls are work phone calls. They don't get interrupted with **** like, "I love you more." "No, I love you more." or whatever kind of crap you wanted to yap about that was so urgent that you couldn't wait five minutes for him to get off the line and maybe another ten to let him cool off.

Are you on the spectrum? I'm serious about this question. Because you seem to have no understanding of body language whatsoever and you interpreted the therapist's instruction literally, with zero room for interpretation. Those are both signs of being on the spectrum.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 06:41 am
Many who are on the spectrum don't know they are.
0 Replies
 
Snowed
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 06:45 am
@jespah,
No, I am not on any spectrum nor have I ever thought to be tested. For what? I am just that type of female who will not be ignored nor disrespected. Never have and never will!
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:25 am
I’m amazed that you managed to hook this poor sod in the first place, and even more amazed tha5 he’s still around.

He must have been pretty bad in a previous life to have to deal with this crap all the time, maybe he was Hitler’s boss or something like that.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:35 am
The appropriate word for such shenanigans is ‘gobsmacked’, right Izzy?
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:42 am
@Ragman,
That term fits.

Every one of her posts reminds me that there are far worse things in life than being widowed.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:44 am
@izzythepush,
If I recall my two marriages at their lowest ebbs, in comparison they were paradise. What in heavens name is the end goal?
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:49 am
@Ragman,
Well yes, even when things were bad I didn’t have to put up with **** like that.

It’s like she just wants to make his life miserable.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 09:26 am
@Snowed,
Snowed wrote:

I am just that type of female who will not be ignored nor disrespected. Never have and never will!


Would you do the same if you walked in and your husband was having a conversation with someone? I'm not sure that you wouldn't. Nobody... nobody should interrupt any conversation for anything but an emergency. It's rude and disrespectful. He was having a telephone conversation and you asking who he's talking to is rude and disrespectful. As a result, you got a rude and disrespectful response. Take a look at and take ownership of your own behaviour. Think on this, too - why are ALL of us saying the SAME thing to you, over and over?

And as for the counsellor, I bet if she lived with you guys for two days, she'd take back her suggestion that he apologize to you. Could he have been nicer? Absolutely. But your behaviour prompted this. He's fed up with these interruptions. You don't need to know who and why until he's off the phone. Grow up.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 09:51 am
@Snowed,
Kind of like this?

"I will NOT be ignored!"

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
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 09:51 am
@Snowed,
Snowed wrote:

I am just that type of female who will not be ignored nor disrespected.


You’re on ignore.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 09:55 am
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

Snowed wrote:

I am just that type of female who will not be ignored nor disrespected.


You’re on ignore.


Watch out - see what happens when one tries to ignore the likes of this person?

I do think she resembles fatal attraction. Normal people do not say things like I will not be ignored.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 10:00 am
@Linkat,
Like I give a monkey’s.

We’ve got the Atlantic between us.

She is an incredibly selfish person who only cares about herself, she will never be happy, and neither will anyone else stuck with her.

What is the point of this thread anyway?

She has already told us of the incident, and got a reply, and now, because she feels the counsellor sided with her, she’s come back to tell us we were wrong.

Or it could be that her counsellor is a useless idiot.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 10:18 am
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

She has already told us of the incident, and got a reply, and now, because she feels the counsellor sided with her, she’s come back to tell us we were wrong.

Or it could be that her counsellor is a useless idiot.


Or maybe she only told us one part of what the counsellor stated - it seems her focus (and to be honest her husband's) is who is right or who wins rather than to be compatible and compromise and be caring for each other.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 10:29 am
@Linkat,
That’s why I said it was something she felt.

She seems more concerned with scoring points and being right than resolving

This whole thread is her telling us we were all wrong because “a trained professional,” sided with her.

I mean who has the time for crap like that?
Snowed
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 01:37 pm
@izzythepush,
No, I'm not trying to keep score but the one thing I will not tolerate is my husband disrespecting me in my own home. He was way out of line the way to spoke to me.
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 01:48 pm
@Snowed,
Why do you keep coming here and not listening? You're doing to us what you're doing to your husband. You're ignoring us and ignoring him. Not long ago you interrupted him while he was on the phone. You wanted to know who he was speaking to. He told you then that he was on the phone (I believe it was a work call after 6 pm).

Given he has already told you he doesn't like to be interrupted while on the phone, why did you do it today?? You are the reason he's snapping at you. We've all told you it's rude, but you don't care... you just think everyone should accept your behaviour.

I think you need personal counselling to help you become more sensitive to others, especially the ones you commonly interact with. Should that be successful, you may not need marriage counselling.

Maybe he should have apologized for snapping at you, but have YOU apologized for YET AGAIN interrupting him? Probably not!
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Sep, 2021 07:50 pm
@izzythepush,
Perhaps you were never shown when growing up how to smooth these things out? Or worse, you were shown how and you ignore it? No matter what, this sounds like a tough one. I’d stop using the therapist advice as ammunition to defend your bad behavior.
 

 
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